Trends, Tips, & Ideas For Your Next Big Event

One of the best bits about getting married is creating your gift wish list – and knowing that most of them are going to come true!  All you have to do is select a gift registry (there are plenty to choose from) and giving is GO!  Having said that, there are a few common questions that crop up for most couples and a few classic mistakes you’ll want to avoid.  In this post we give you some top tips to help you make the most of this golden opportunity.

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How soon is too soon?

Should you wait a few months after announcing your engagement before setting up your registry?  On the contrary, the sooner the better.  Some guests like to get in early and purchase a gift before any pre-wedding celebrations or just want to say “congratulations”.

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Think about yourself

It’s traditional to get stuff for your home.  But if cooking is not your thing a kitchen mixer, a bread maker and a gravy boat is not obligatory!   If, however, you love hiking a top of the range rucksack, gore-tex jacket or GPS mapping device then it’s perfectly acceptable to put them on your list.  Bear in mind that your lifestyle is likely to change.  A family size tent might seem a bit premature but no harm in thinking ahead…

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What have you got already?

No point in asking for something you or your partner has already got.  So, take stock and create an inventory.  This is your chance, however, to upgrade.  You might both own basic coffee makers but really fancy a state-of-the-art espresso machine that delivers barista-quality cappuccinos, macchiato and flat whites.  You might also want to consider having an “everyday” and a “formal” set of dinnerware.

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Taste for two

You need to agree on what kinds of gifts you’d both enjoy and also talk about the style of home you’d like to share.  Boho or industrial, urban modern or shabby chic…you need to find some common ground!   Work together to curate a list that is tailored to your shared interests and tastes.  

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Do the maths

How many gifts do you need on your registry?  Simply multiply your guest list by two and add a few extra. You are not being greedy but sensible - better to have too many choices than not enough. It also means that gifting options won't run low as guests start to make their purchases.

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Price Points for everyone

Some of your guests are not short of money but others will be on a tight budget, so be sure to give a good spread of gift ideas at a wide range of prices.  Somewhere between £25 and £200 or more is probably about right.  Our research indicates that the average guest spend on a wedding gift is about £100, so keep this in mind as you make selections. Make sure you have a few luxury items as there will be some guests who really want to splash out.  Also, big ticket items are great if some guests want to club together in a group gift.  

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Keep track of purchases

Check your registry on a regular basis to make sure there’s still a good balance of options at the various different price points.  As the items on your list get purchased you can always add more.  It’s a good idea to start the list off with items you really want or need – for instance, a new mattress or a really good vacuum cleaner.  Later on, when you have the essentials ticked off, you can top it up with “nice to have” items.  What’s more, some items on your list may become discontinued if you set your registry a long time before your wedding day – if you check the list regularly you can spot these items and replace them.

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Cash is acceptable

Asking for cash as a gift used to be “not the done thing” - but times have changed.  Cash gifts are now very common and work well.  People don’t want to give a gift that will never be used and cash is an easy way of avoiding this embarrassment.

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For the couple who have everything

If you’ve been living together for a while and have most of the obvious items you need or want (lucky you!) you are free to think outside the box.  Ideas could include gift cards to favourite restaurants or stores, a donation to a charity, or a honeymoon fund to cover airline tickets or resort activities.  Most registries allow you to personalise your list to take account of your unique situation.

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Home delivery please

It’s best to get gifts delivered to your home.  That will save guests having to collect then post – much easier for all concerned.  

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How to share your registry details

Asking straight out for wedding gifts is too in-your-face, so don't include registry information on your wedding invitations.   You can wait for people to ask then give them the details.  Your registry information can also be listed on your engagement party and bridal shower invites.  The absolutely best idea is to use your wedding website to get the word out - include the link to your wedding gift wish list.

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When to close your registry

Most guests will buy your gift before the wedding – but don’t be surprised if some do it after your big day.  Traditional wedding etiquette says that guests have up to one year from your wedding day to buy a gift, so that's at least how long your registry should remain active.  For the record most wedding gifts are bought within two weeks before and two weeks after a wedding.  Be aware of this and pay extra attention to it during this period to make sure guests still have plenty of choice.

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Show your gratitude

Don’t forget to send thank-you notes .  This is one of the most urgent and important things on your to-do list one the knot is tied.  A text message or email is not good enough – you should make the extra effort to send a hand-written note.  Gifts received before the wedding should be occasion a response within two weeks of arrival.  Notes for gifts received on or after the wedding day should be sent within two months of your return from the honeymoon.

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Anything else we can help you with?

Hopefully this post covers all your gift registry queries.  However, if you have any other questions about this topic, or any other aspects of your wedding planning just ask us – the experienced team at Clevedon Hall is more than happy to help.

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Congratulations!  Your daughter is getting married!  She and her fiancé will be doing most of the planning, her father will be giving her away and making a speech, but what is expected of you?  This quick summary of Mother of the Bride duties is here to help!

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Let me pay for that…

In days gone by the bride’s parents were expected to foot the bill for the entire wedding.  Now this responsibility tends to be accepted by the couple themselves.  Many parents, however, are keen to make a contribution.  If you’d like to help let your daughter know as early as possible so she can plan accordingly.

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Make it clear whether you are making a gift or a loan.  Will you be transferring the money to them now or do you want them to send you the invoices?  Also, do you expect to have some say in the planning or the guest list in return for your support?

Do you expect to have a say in the wedding or the guest list in return for footing part of the bill? These are all things that would be helpful to discuss early on to avoid any confusion or miscommunication and to manage expectations.

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Take part in the planning

You’ve probably planned a wedding before so your experience can be very useful.  Let your daughter know that you are there to offer advice whenever she’d like – just don’t take over!  There are so many things to remember that you can help by gently reminding her if anything has been overlooked or you feel something needs a bit more work.  “Have you thought about…?” is more subtle than “You’ve forgotten to…”!

Your daughter is likely to be pretty busy so you might like to offer to become the go-to contact for the suppliers, from the venue to the florists.  That way you can take the pressure off your daughter by fielding the inevitable questions.  If hotel rooms need to be block booked you can certainly take on that responsibility.  You can also help with preparing the guest list and keep track of the RSVPs for her.  

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Old, New, Borrowed and Blue

If your daughter is following this tradition the Mother of the Bride is usually expected to take on the job of suggesting and locating "something old" which symbolizes your family’s heritage.  This can be a family heirloom or just something used, vintage, or antique that you love – a piece of jewellery that’s been handed down from one generation to the next always works well.

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Outfit choices – talk to the Mother of the Groom

One of the Mother of the Bride’s jobs is to liaise with the Mother of the Groom about what they’re both going to wear.  Having said that, it’s important to follow the lead of the bride – your daughter will have an idea about the style and colour of outfit that will be most appropriate.

The traditional etiquette is for the Mother of the Bride to take the lead.  You should buy your dress before the Mother of the Groom then share the details with her.  This will hopefully make sure both outfits are complementary and that any awkward issues are avoided!

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Shopping for the wedding dress

It’s traditional that the Mother of the Bride helps her daughter choose the dress.  It’s a fun, exciting and emotional experience – a great opportunity for the two of you to bond even more closely before the big day arrives.  It’s not an easy decision, and it’s only natural if your daughter gets a bit stressed.  Your role is to support her, calm her and give honest feedback – your advice will be invaluable.

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Hen Party and Bridal Shower

Should you attend the Hen Party?  That rather depends on what is planned – it it’s a relaxed spa weekend then the answer is probably “yes” but if it’s a wild weekend of clubbing with some racy entertainment then maybe it’s not such a great idea!  One option is to join in with the daytime activities but miss out on the evening’s antics.

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Some brides have a tamer “family hen do”, as well as a friends one.  This could be something like afternoon tea or a relaxed dinner with the bridesmaids, mums and siblings of the couple.  Organising a bridal shower is traditionally something the Maid of Honour organises and you should almost certainly attend that.  

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Help your daughter prepare on the wedding day

This is a very special time full of anticipation, excitement and emotion that’s important for mother and daughter to share.  You should help in any way she wants – with getting into her dress, pouring champagne, wiping away tears or smoothing out any last-minute issues.  Aim to be there for her a couple of hours before the ceremony.

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Your role at the ceremony

Traditionally the father walks the bride down the aisle but this is not always possible and it’s perfectly acceptable for you to do the honours.  If you’re not walking the bride down the aisle one of the usher will escort you to a seat in the first row just before the ceremony begins.   Your daughter may also ask you to give a reading during the ceremony.  

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Receiving guests and playing host

If there’s to be a receiving line on the way into the wedding breakfast it’s traditional for the Mother of the Bride to be part of that and greet the guests as they take their seats.

Your daughter and her husband (now the knot has been tied!) will be the main focus of the day but they’ll struggle to spend time with absolutely every guest.  You can be a big help here – chat to guests, thank them for attending, ensure they have got everything they need and generally make sure they feel welcome and included.

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Time to dance

The happy couple obviously have the first dance but then it’s traditional for you to take the second dance with the groom.  

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How can we help?

If your daughter has recently announced her engagement and the two of you would like to  share your  ideas for the big day we’d love to discuss how we can make them happen.  Turning dreams into reality is our speciality!

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Most couples spend around a year planning their wedding (a bit longer if Covid puts everything on hold!).  That doesn’t mean, however, that everything is totally sorted well ahead of time and there’s nothing to do in the last week apart from chill out.  You’ll obviously (hopefully!) have all the big things squared away long before that (venue booked, invitations sent, dress bought, cake ordered, ring ready, catering organised…).  But those last seven days are still going to be full on busy.  This timeline should help you keep everything on track.

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7-4 days

·         Finalize your guest list.  Chase up anyone who hasn’t sent an RSVP yet. Give the list to your venue and finalize the table plan.  Send a copy to those who need it, such as the wedding planner, photographer, and designated bridesmaid.

·         Test drive your look.  Take delivery of your dress the week but also try on your whole outfit, including shoes and jewelry, for a total wardrobe check. Get the groom, bridesmaids, groomsmen and little attendants do the same.  Once you and they are sure everything is in order pack all the essentials away safely.  If you are renting your groomsmen's suits, nominate the best man or one of the groomsmen to pick them up and drop them off on the return date.

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·         Have your engagement ring professionally cleaned so it’s extra sparkly on your wedding day.

·         Your wedding shoes are probably brand new, so break them in.  Wear them for a short period of time each day around the house and walk around on a few different surfaces to really test them out.  If the soles are slippery you may want to lightly buff or scuff them for extra grip.

·         Confirm your beauty and hair appointments, as well as the morning-of schedule, with your hair and beauty artists.   Share and communicate your wedding-day timeline to your bridal party, parents, wedding car company and your wedding planner or venue coordinator.  Make sure groom gets a haircut.

·         Confirm timings, locations and other details with your suppliers, including contact details of your planner, coordinator or key person in your wedding party to contact on the day in case there’s an issue (you won’t have time to deal with it!).

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·         Finalise your shot list for your photographer and videographer has your chosen shot list.  Give band or DJ has your song list.  Make sure venue knows when each supplier will be setting up and provide contact details.

·         Do any last-minute shopping for your honeymoon and finish packing them away, not forgetting passports, travel documents and currency.  Double-check flight details, confirm your hotel bookings and any other activity or dinner reservations.

·         Practice your vows and speeches to make sure you are happy with the wording and well prepared.

·         Get final payments ready for vendors and check your contracts for payment deadlines to be sure there are no hiccups.

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2-3 days

·         Go for your spray tan manicure, pedicure, massage, waxing and all your other beauty treatments.

·         Make any last-minute changes to the table plan and print out place cards.

·         Pack ceremony or reception décor items in separate boxes ready for transportation and set up - table number, place cards, favours, menus.   Also box up things like the guest book, cake knife, toasting glasses, and any other items you'll need.  Get the boxes to the venue before the big day.

·         Put together wedding-day emergency kit - glue for false eyelashes, spray deodorant, sewing kit and selection of pins, bandages/sticking plasters, a hairbrush, clear nail polish, nail file, hairspray, wet wipes, painkillers, tampons, extra makeup….

·         Wrap all gifts for groom, mum, dad, bridesmaids or groomsmen with note or card.

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1 to 2 days

·         Place final cash tips into separate envelopes for each wedding vendor.  Give envelopes to a trusted member of your wedding party to hand over at the appropriate time.

·         Pack your wedding overnight bag and get it to where you'll be staying.

·         Have your ceremony and dinner rehearsals.

·         Create an after-party plan.  Who will remove all your items (guest book, cake knife, decorations…)?  Delegate to a member of wedding party if you are heading away on honeymoon.

·         Final check with your bridal party to make sure that they have everything they need – from suits and dresses, shoes and accessories, to shirts and socks and cufflinks to jewelry.

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Finally…

Chill out – you’ve got pretty much everything covered!  Take time for a walk, a massage, snuggling up on the sofa with soon-to-be-husband and watch a favourite movie and get an early night - do whatever will help you relax so you are fresh and rested for your big day tomorrow!

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We’re here for you

We hope this final wedding planning countdown list proves useful – but if there’s anything else we can help you with just ask.  The team at Clevedon Hall have a wealth of experience to share and love discussing your ideas and plans!

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If you are getting married this summer, after the last 12 months of lockdowns, you’re probably desperate to get away on honeymoon.  In more normal times that would likely mean jetting off abroad.  But right now, however, it’s anybody’s guess when one will be able to book somewhere overseas with confidence – a last minute cancellation because there’s been a resurgence of Covid in your chosen destination, or the need to quarantine on your return, is not the ideal start to married life!  If you’re tying the knot in the next few months a staycation honeymoon seems super sensible.  But if the more obvious options don’t appeal (Cornwall, Scotland, The Lake District…) how’s this for inspiration?  The Channel Islands!  They’re overseas, so you feel like you’re getting away for a proper break, but they are still part of the UK so the risks are pretty minimal.

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Easy to get there

Travel to the Channel Islands is pretty easy – especially if you host your wedding celebrations at Clevedon Hall.  Once normal transport services are resumed there are regular flights from Bristol Airport to Guernsey and Jersey.  Condor Ferries also offer daily ferry services from Portsmouth and Poole.

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Perfect for newlyweds

Each of the Channel Islands has its own unique character but you’ll find they’re like Cornwall with stunning cliffs, gorgeous sandy beaches, picturesque harbours and unspoilt rural landscapes – but without the crowds and traffic.   On some smaller islands like Herm and Sark there are no cars, just horse drawn buggies.  Even on Guernsey and Jersey the pace of life is leisurely and the winding lanes are perfect for leisurely cycle rides.  If your idea of honeymoon bliss is chilling out and taking it slow you’ll love it here.

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Great choice of accommodation and eating out

Because they still have tax haven status the islands attract affluent residents so there’s no shortage of sophisticated hotels and eateries.  However, you’ll also find a huge range of guesthouses, holiday cottages, pubs, bars and cafes to suit every taste and budget.   Plentiful fresh seafood with excellent local dairy and farm produce makes the Channel Islands a renowned foodie hotspot – eating out here is an absolute treat!

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No shortage of activities to enjoy

You are spoilt for choice when it comes to clifftop paths, beautiful beaches, crystal clear waters and magnificent views – the walking, cycling, swimming and surfing are all world class, with no end of opportunities for kayaking, jet skiing, windsurfing, snorkelling and coasteering.

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The islands are also awash with history – explore Neolithic graves and standing stones, medieval castles and fascinating stately as well as the massive fortifications left behind after the Nazi occupation, along with enough museums to keep you occupied for weeks.  Highlights include Sausmarez Manor (a stately home with more than its fair share of amazing stories), Victor Hugo’s House (he designed the interior himself whilst in exile from France and wrote many of his best loved works here, including “Les Misérables”) and Mont Orgueil Castle on Jersey (repeatedly attacked and besieged by the French, but never taken by them).

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Island hopping to your hearts content

There are five main inhabited islands – Jersey being the biggest followed by Guernsey, then the smaller one of Alderney, Sark and Herm.  They are all joined up with regular ferry services and you could easily spend a week hopping from one to the next and exploring each in turn.  While Guernsey and Jersey each have more than enough attractions to keep you occupied for your entire stay the three smaller islands are very tempting too.

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Sark, population just 500, ringed with towering cliffs, is just three 3 miles long and one and a half miles wide at its broadest point.  There are no cars and it’s has its own peculiar parliament and antiquated legal system dating back to the ancient Normans (Sark was also the last place in the world where feudalism was practiced, until 2008!).  It’s remoteness and lack of light pollution makes it ideal for stargazing – in 2011 it was designated as a Dark Sky Community and the first Dark Sky Island in the world.  

Herm is about a quarter of the size of Sark – you can walk around it in a couple of hours and never gets terribly crowded as there’s only one place to stay!  The rugged coastline and pale sandy beaches make this a mini paradise.  A crab sandwiches and a pint of beer in the Mermaid Tavern, The Ship Inn or one of cafes is a major highlight of any visit.

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Alderney, a similar size to Sark, is slightly more developed but still considerably quieter than Guernsey and Jersey.  It has a charming small town, St Anne, and a tiny airport with flights from the mainland or Guernsey.  Again it offers a winning combination of idyllic sandy beaches, fascinating heritage, cosy accommodation and superb eating and drinking experiences.

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Looking for more inspiration?

The team at Clevedon Hall is not short of ideas for other “offshore” honeymoon destinations around the British Isles (Scilly Isles, Isle of Wight, Isle of Skye…) and is here to answer all your other wedding-related questions – all you have to do is ask!

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We’re coming out of lockdown and weddings celebrations are allowed again – Yay!  However, as you know, quite backlog has built up and popular venues are well and truly booked for months and months ahead….so you may not be tying the knot quite as soon as you might like.  Looking on the bright side, however, that gives you a bit more time to plan.  Plus there’s nothing to stop you having a great Hen weekend fairly soon.  Booking it abroad may not be the most sensible thing but there are plenty of great ways to “hen it up at home” and lots of fun activities you can include that are harder to organise abroad.  In this post we share some entertaining ideas you might find inspirational.  

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Zen Hen

A spa, wellbeing or mindfulness weekend is a great antidote to weeks of stressful wedding planning and a brilliant way to give your bridesmaids and close friends the opportunity to get to know each other while chilling the heck out.  A bit of relaxation and recuperation with oodles of pampering and TLC thrown in for good measure is the perfect chance to refresh, unwind and rejuvenate ahead of the big day – especially if there’s a bit of champagne and cake included along the way (a detox is all very well, so long as it doesn’t last too long!).  You can either spend the whole weekend at a spa hotel or wellbeing retreat, lounging in the lap of luxury or just enjoy a chill-out day before a wild night out on the town.

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Release your inner Michelangelo

A hen party wouldn’t be a hen party without a bit of naughty male nudity, right?  But maybe a Butlers in the Buff afternoon tea, a Naked BBQ Chef or a Hot Firefighters Cabaret Show has become a bit of a cliché?  So why not a life drawing class with a super fit male model?  It’s creative, it’s cheeky, it’s fun and you’ll have a beautiful portfolio of drawings you probably won’t want to hang on your living room wall!  

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Let’s get the adrenalin going

You know when you watch kids on a trampoline or bouncy castle and think “that looks like a lot of fun”…but then remind yourself that you are probably too old for that sort of thing?  Well, how about going on a giant trampoline…in a cave!  Not just any old cave, either, but one so big you could fit St Paul’s Cathedral in there twice!   An old mining train will take you deep inside a Welsh mountain to a series of three different trampolines suspended as much as 180ft above the cave floor, linked by slides and walkways.  It’s bouncing bonkers fun, sure to get your heart racing and totally different from the traditional hen party activities.  Probably best to leave the Prosecco for afterwards!

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Cocktails inside a computer game

Saving the planet has never been so much fun.  It’s a totally immersive Crystal Maze experience where you and your team of wonder women will travel across the galaxy then battle the fiendishly complicated AI technology within the evil Neosight Corporation.  If that’s not mind-bending and spaced-out enough for you then the in-flight cocktail will certainly help you adapt to zero gravity and add some extra warp factors.  It might not be Henlife as you know it, Jim, but one has to boldly go!

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Really push the boat/hot tub out

Looking for something totally off the wall?  Then the Hot Tug experience will certainly float your boat.  It’s basically a hot tub, full of fresh hot water that’s also a mini tugboat.  Get into your cossies, mix up the cocktails (rum, the go to grog for sailors, is probably most appropriate), then it’s all aboard for a leisurely cruise around Canary Wharf or along the quaint Regent’s Canal.

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Whole lot of shaking going on

Do you know the difference between a Hanky Panky, a Slippery Nipple and Sex on a Beach?  We’re talking cocktails, of course, and a cocktail mixology workshop has just the right combination of alcohol and naughtiness to get your hen night off to a good start.  The term “workshop” is a bit misleading as getting hands-on behind the bar, experimenting with a range of different spirits, flavours and techniques, under the guidance of an expert mixologist, then tasting and comparing everyone’s efforts, is a lot more fun than you’ll ever have in your normal 9-5!  

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Does my bum look big in this?

Want a bit of mayhem (make that mayhen!) then this one is for you.  Everyone dons a giant Zorb suit (an inflatable ball you wear on your upper body) than engage in a series of hilarious games and challenges.  You’ll 'bump and grind' like you've never done before as you barge and bounce off each other in a series of hilarious games and challenges that include Hen Relay Race, British Bulldog, Queen of the Ring and Capture the Flag.  It’s competitive, but impossible to take seriously – you’ll be rolling around with laughter – literally.

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Can we help you?

If you want more details about any of these hen party activity ideas, or want some others to be getting on with, just give us a call.  We have tons of contacts, experience and knowledge where all things wedding are concerned!

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If you’re struggling with pre-wedding nerves just watch an episode of “Married at First Sight”.  Committing to marrying someone you haven’t set eyes on until they arrive at the ceremony – that’s real nerves!  It makes great TV but imagine how the couple must be feeling in the weeks and months before the big day – worried as heck!

Hopefully you have not got yourself in quite such a stressful situation as them.  But if you do find the tension beginning to build here are some tips to help you take your nerves down a notch.

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Anticipate your anxiety

If you didn’t experience some nerves you wouldn’t be normal – so congratulations, you are supposed to feel this way!  According to a survey by fearcourse.com, 71% of brides-to-be suffered from some type of anxiety during the build-up to their wedding. 92% experienced nerves on the day of the wedding or the evening before, while 66% reported that it affected their daily lives or their behavior and enjoyment during the day itself.

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Have a contingency

Money is probably one of the biggest sources of worry as you prepare your wedding plans.  You can minimize these by picking a budget that doesn’t overstretch you.  Break it down so you know how much you can spend on the main items, like venue, dress, food – and stick to it!  However, accept that there are bound to be unexpected things and situations you didn’t anticipate.  With this in mind set aside at least 15% of your budget for contingencies.  That way you’ll avoid money worries keeping you awake at night.  Plus, if you don’t spend all the contingency you’ll have a bit more fun money for your honeymoon!

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Watch your wellbeing

Self-care is something we’re all focusing on right now – and for good reason.  Planning a wedding can take over your whole life if you’re not careful.  Schedule some periods of time that are wedding-free.  Go on some date nights (OK, we’re in lockdown now so you might just have to cook a nice dinner and watch Netflix…but hopefully we might be allowed out soon!).  Take some exercise or yoga classes (on zoom for the moment).  Get into baking, making your own pasta or cocktail mixology.  Don't answer emails, don't field questions, and switch off the voice in your head that says you have to wedding planning 24/7!

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Pretend you’re getting married a month early

This little trick will help you keep on top of your planning.  That way you have plenty of time for the last few details like the ceremony booklets, the seating plan and that dash to IKEA for candles!  Also, if there are any hiccups or delays it’s not the end of the world.  You can spend the last couple of weeks enjoying yourself and relaxing instead of dashing around in a panic.

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Head off questions before the get annoying

Part of the fun of getting married is talking about the preparations with family and friends.  But you don’t want to be answering the same few questions over and again.  The more information you can provide early on the fewer questions as the big day approaches.  Having a website, with a FAQ section, should stop last minute queries about timings, whether children are really not invited, parking and so on.

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Don’t get dragged into drama

Your bridesmaids can’t agree on what to do for your hen night.  Your future mother-in-law is refusing to get on board with the idea of a BBQ in the evening.  Your dad’s brother is in a sulk because you won’t let him make a speech.  Drama is great for reality TV shows about romance and weddings but you really don’t need it.  Preserve your peace of mind by distancing yourself from other people’s issues.  Keep telling yourself “don’t sweat the small stuff – it’s all small stuff!”

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Work as a team

Organizing a wedding is a major undertaking and works a lot better if you play an equal role with your partner – if one of you feels that they are carrying a heavier load, or being left out of decision making, then that is sure to create tension.  Do stuff together, rather than delegating tasks like you’re their manager!  And apps like Trello, Mint and Wedding Happy can be a big help.

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Don’t compare

Getting married is not some kind of competitive sport where you try to outdo others!  You can use Instagram, Pinterest and the like for inspiration but remember it’s your day, your way.  Your friend who keeps telling you about the amazing canapés at her cousin’s reception, or the Real Weddings you see in the bridal magazines – don’t let it get to you!  Whoever said “Comparison Is The Thief of Joy” got it right.

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Chill – we’ve got it!

If you book your wedding at Clevedon Hall you’ll have a team of experienced wedding experts to help you out – pre-wedding nerves are a lot easier to deal with when you have that kind of professional support.

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Every wedding is different, because each couple is unique, with their own story, sense of style and set of friends and relatives.  Having said that there are certain types of stereotypical guests who seem to turn up every time.  In this post we list those that no wedding would be complete without.  Be prepared - they make for an amusing wedding movie but are not always so funny when they show up on your big day!

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The Party Animal

All the way through the ceremony and the meal they’ll be fidgety, just waiting for the music to start so they can make like John Travolta.  They’re first on the dance floor and the last to leave it.  A couple of these characters can be the life and soul of the party…but sometimes they can become a bit of an irritation!

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The Happy Snapper

A wannabe wedding photographer whose artistic talents are wasted in the day job (works in a call centre, warehouse or accountancy firm?).  They are right there, getting the close up at every big moment - vows, first kiss, first dance, speeches, cutting the cake.  Being positive, this can give you some great shots that might otherwise have been missed.  But on the other they may get in the way of the professional you are paying to do the job.  Also, your over enthusiastic happy snapper might post their stuff on social media before you can get the official ones out there.  If you don’t want that to happen put a polite note on the invitations.

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The Predatory Bachelor

The Ladies Man can be spotted on the edge of the crowd waiting to pounce with lines like “I can’t believe you haven’t walked down the aisle with some lucky man yet”, or “it must be embarrassing for you, looking prettier than the bride.”  Keep an eye on him and send help if he homes in on girlfriend who’s fresh from a break up.  Seating him with a group of happy couples may help to limit the damage he’s capable of causing.

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The Judge

The recently married or soon to be married guest who is an expert in all things wedding.  You’ll see her out of the corner of your eye critiquing the flowers or overhear her finding fault with the seating plan.  Ignore them!  

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The Emotional Wreck

Everyone with a heart will feel moved to shed a tear at some point during the proceedings – but this guest is in floods, and bits, for best part of the day.  Just make sure there are plenty of tissues to hand and don’t be surprised if they are continually heading to the loo.  Try and sit them with a bunch of cheerful and emotionally stable guests!

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The Wannabe DJ

This is the character who is constantly hogging the iPod at parties.  This isn’t such a problem at lesser social events but not good on your big night.  You can spot them bending the DJ’s ear about what song to play next.  Head this one off by telling the DJ or band, ahead of time, to ignore all requests.

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The Recently Single

The unfortunate guest was planning on being at your wedding with their partner but it just didn’t work out that way. Naturally they’ll be feeling very emotional and happy for you (whilst feeling sorry for themselves).  Seat them with a fun crowd to lift their spirits.  Keep a watchful eye to make sure they don’t do too good a job of drowning their sorrows or fall into the clutches of the Predatory Bachelor!

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The Binge Drinker

There’s always going to be one or two who have one or two too many.   If the Best Man has a tendency in this direction make every effort to keep him sober until the speeches are over.  There’s usually a bridesmaid who overdoes the Prosecco, goes wild on the dancefloor, makes a grab for a married guest then falls asleep by 10pm.  Perhaps appoint a couple of alcohol monitors to keep an eye out for those who need slowing down or being helped up.

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The Anxious Mother of the Bride

She just can’t help giving her opinion when not asked for it and micromanaging every tiny detail.  Best to give her a few non-essential tasks that will keep her occupied while everyone else concentrates on just having a good time.

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The Life Saver

Usually one of your bridesmaids or quite possibly your maid of honour.  Whenever there’s an unexpected problem they’re on it.  She fixed your hair when the clips came out, re-did your makeup when your mascara was running and kept the kids busy when they became restless.  Make sure you give her a great present once the celebrations are over!

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Looking forward to your big day

Right now you can only have four guests – which makes things much easier to manage!  Once lockdown is over you’ll hopefully be able to invite as many as you like – including all of the above.  We hope our guide is helpful and if there’s any other aspect of wedding planning we can help you with just ask!  

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These are challenging times for those whose plans for tying the knot keep unravelling thanks to the Covid crisis.  The best advice right now is to chill out, open a bottle of prosecco and snuggle up on the sofa with your loved one to watch a wedding movie!  We listed ten popular ones a couple of years back - check it out here.  But there are plenty more to choose from.  In this post we offer you ten more that will have you laughing, crying and well entertained for a few hours.

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Love Actually

Nine intertwined stories approach the subject of love from very different angles.  Begins with one of the best wedding scenes ever to have been captured on camera but there’s plenty more to enjoy, including a newly elected British prime minister who falls for a young junior staffer, a graphic designer whose devotion to her mentally ill brother complicates her love life, and a married man tempted by his attractive new secretary.

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Like Crazy

Great movie for those forced to put love on hold by bureaucratic red tape.  While attending college in Los Angeles Anna from London falls madly in love with Jacob.   When Anna violates the terms of her visa she is compelled to return. Maintaining a long-distance relationship proves hard but no matter how often circumstances pull them apart, they always find themselves back together again.

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Table 19

Eloise is relieved of maid of honor duties at her oldest friend’s wedding after being unceremoniously dumped by her fiancé (who also happens to be the best man) via text.  Not the best of starts.  And it all goes downhill from here when she determines to attend the celebration out of loyalty to the bride.  She finds herself seated with five other dysfunctional, emotionally disturbed and socially challenged guests who should have also politely declined the invitation.  Very amusing, very romantic and gives some useful wedding planning pointers (ie mistakes to avoid).

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Crazy Rich Asians

Unsuspecting Rachel accompanies her boyfriend to his best friend's wedding in Singapore.  She's shocked to discover that laid back Nick has been keeping a secret from her – his family is outrageously wealthy and he is one of the country's most eligible bachelors.   Unwillingly thrust into the spotlight she has to deal with spiteful socialites, Nick’s offbeat friends and relatives plus a potential mother-in-law from hell who is determined to send our heroine packing.  Things go from bad to worse when Nick’s mother reveals a secret about Rachel which she herself was unaware of.  A classic and hugely enjoyable rom-com that’s an absolute bling fest to boot.

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The Proposal

Faced with deportation to her native Canada, high-powered book editor Margaret Tate pressures her hapless assistant, Andrew Paxton, into marrying her in return for a promotion.  He also insists she flies to Alaska to meet his oddball family.  With a suspicious immigration official on their tail the couple must stick to their wedding plan despite numerous mishaps.  Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds make it a lot of fun.

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Meet the Parents/Meet the Fockers

Two movies, but two parts of the same story.  Unfortunately named male nurse, meets his girlfriend's parents before proposing, but her suspicious father turns out to be every date's worst nightmare.  Despite a string of disasters our hero successfully wins over Ex-CIA man Jack Byrnes.  In the sequel Jack and his wife travel to Miami to meet their future in-laws and are intrigued to find out what kind of couple would name their son Gaylord M. Focker.  Suffice to say their initial impressions are not encouraging.  But love, as they say, conquers all.  Great cast – Ben Still, Robert DeNiro and Dustin Hoffman, Barbra Streisand and Owen Wilson.

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Destination Wedding

Lindsay and Frank, both with a bad attitude to start with, are reluctant guests at the wedding of her ex and his new girlfriend.  Their antipathy is mutually, sparking a downward spiral of jibes, insults and sulkiness.  The hate at first sight formula is a tried and tested one.  They’re obviously made for each other - but just can’t see it.  The sparks fly between Keanu Reeves and Winona Ryder in more ways than one.  

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Bachelorette

Three friends are asked to be bridesmaids at a wedding of a woman they used to ridicule back in high school. After ruining the wedding gown, bridesmaids (Kirsten Dunst, Isla Fisher, Lizzy Caplan) set out on a frantic search for a replacement, but their mission degenerates into a night of booze, drugs and nightclubbing.   Snappy, bitchy, and surprisingly enjoyable girls behaving badly romp.

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Bride Wars

Two best friends become rivals when they schedule their respective weddings on the same day, at the same venue, using the same wedding planner.  Their inner bridezillas do battle with hilarious consequences.  Competition for dates and venues will be tough when the Covid threat is finally brought under control but let’s hope you never end up in a mess like this!

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27 Dresses

Perennial bridesmaid Jane always puts the needs of others before her own, making her the go-to bridesmaid.   27 weddings later her younger sister hooks the man Jane secretly loves herself – Jane’s boss.  Our usually compliant and supportive heroine is now more than a little conflicted.  A situation that’s complicated when she becomes attracted to a handsome reporter who sees her vulnerability as an opportunity to further his own career.

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Let’s talk

We hope that watching these movies will keep you entertained while your own preparations are temporarily delayed.  Having said that there’s nothing to stop you planning your big day.  The team at Clevedon Court have a wealth of experience so don’t be shy about sharing your ideas or picking our brains - we love to help!

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No wedding is complete without a cake.  But what sort of cake?  A simple enough question, you might think….but think again!  Wedding cakes have become amazingly creative and imaginative of late and the sheer choice of styles, favours, fillings, shapes and finished can be overwhelming.  In this post we open your mind to some of the stunning and delicious possibilities you can discuss with you cake creator.

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Keeping with tradition

The classic wedding cake is a fruitcake.  There’s a good reason for this – the bride and groom can keep some of it in a safe place for 365 days and enjoy it on their first wedding anniversary.

The cake will either be square or round with at least three tiers.  It will be covered in marzipan and white fondant icing with white detailing piped onto the cake and probably some flowers and ribbons for extra decoration.

Why three tiers?  The large bottom tier is shared out at the wedding.  The smaller middle tier is to share with those who couldn’t make the big day.  The top tier is saved for the couple to enjoy a year later.

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Give it a modern or contemporary twist

If you want to create something more individual there are many possible variations – they’re all variations on the traditional theme but give you plenty of room to express your own personal style and really wow guests with something that’s a bit more adventurous.  Let us give you some food for thought….

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No end of finishes - take your pick

The most traditional, and popular, finish is fondant icing.  The main reason for this is that it is so practical and versatile.   It’s created from a combination of sugar, corn syrup, gelatine and glycerine.  This mix is rolled out into sheets and then wrapped around each tier of the cake to produce a smooth and clean finish.

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Royal icing a mix of egg whites and sifted icing sugar that is whipped into a thick paste then piped onto the cake when soft.  As it dries it provides a hard finish. This icing is used to create beading, latticework, flowers and other creations that must hold their shape and stay firm – you wouldn’t ice the whole cake in it, just the decorative bits.

Another popular and very tempting finish is American buttercream.  It’s soft and easy to cut which makes it perfect for decorations such as a basket weave, swirls, fleur-de-lis, rosettes and swags.  It has a smooth and creamy texture but is not exdessively sweet. Genuine buttercream, as the name suggests, is made with real butter, so cakes iced with buttercream will need to be kept in a cool place and won’t keep for long after the big day.

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Italian and Swiss buttercream are two other very popular options for cakes.  Both start out the same way as meringue and require a lot of skill to prepare.

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Cream cheese buttercream is created when you add cream cheese to your buttercream.  This type of finish is idea for finishing carrot cakes, red velvet cakes or lemon cakes perfectly.

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A naked cake finish (also known as a bare cake, exposed, pound or tomboy cake) is just the humble sponge cake with no covering of icing

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Crumb coat finish, sometimes referred to as dirty iced, is very like a naked finish.  It’s a wedding cake covered by a very thin layer of icing to hold in the crumbs - so thin that the sponge underneath is starting to show through..

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Ganache is usually made by mixing equal parts chocolate and cream.  As you’d expect this is a chocoholic’s dream!

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Drip style cakes, as the name suggests, are cakes are adorned with rivulets of overflowing frosting. First they are covered in fondant, dirty iced or left naked and then finished with a layer of dripping chocolate, caramel or a sweet, coloured ganache trickling down the sides.  A very dramatic finish guaranteed to get everyone’s mouth watering!

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Marzipan is a paste made of ground almonds, sugar and egg whites. It can be rolled into sheets and moulded into shapes and then painted with food colouring or covered in icing.

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Whipped Cream finish is exactly that – whipped cream.  It gives your cake a wonderful texture.  However, it is quite delicate so bakers often use special stabilisers or powdered sugar in the whipped cream so it’s safe to display the cake during the reception.

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Hand-finished cakes may be painted, embellished with script, or covered in gold leaf or metallic finishes – the options are as varied as your imagination!

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Wedding cake shapes

Most wedding cakes are round or square, but the possibilities don’t stop there.  You could go for mini, spherical, hexagonal, octagonal, a cake in the shape of a petals, a stack of hearts, a pile of cushions, a fairy tale castle, a peacock, an open book, a bouquet of flowers…

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Take it to a new level

The classic wedding cake has three tiers but there are no rules – you can do some amazing things on just one level or you can go up as many as you like.  

If you go for two of more tiers they don’t have to be stacked directly on top of each other – you could separate the tiers by supporting them on tiers.  

Another option is to go for a double height cake (sometimes referred to as double barrel).  This is where two identical cakes are stacked directly on top of each other, then iced as one tall layer.

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Small is beautiful

You could go for a collection of individually-sized mini cakes, one for each guest.  One of the great things about this ideas is that they can be made in a variety of flavours, colours and styles.  This can, however, be quite costly.  A more budget-conscious option is to have a collection of cupcakes.

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Let’s get decorative

Even the simplest shape of cake can be totally transformed by the choice of decorative treatments that are added to it.  There are literally thousands of ways to add personal creative touches and style accents.  We’ve listed some of the most popular here but not gone into detail – they are just ideas that you can discuss with your cake designer.  

•           Ribbons & bows

•           Hand-piping

•           Candy-covered

•           Dots

•           Spatula painted

•           Flowerfetti

•           Sugar flowers

•           Fresh flowers

•           Fresh fruit

•           Hand-painted & calligraphy designs

•           Metallic finishes like gold leaf & rose gold designs

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Flavours and fillings to die for

You can settle for the traditional fruit cake – or go for something a little out of the ordinary (or a lot!).  Coffee, white chocolate and nut flavours are very popular but there are many totally moreish citrus, fruit and floral flavours to tempt the tastebuds.

One idea is to go for a seasonal slant - light, dainty flavours for a spring or summer wedding and rich, heavy cakes for an autumn and winter wedding.  Maybe you and your other half have your own very different favourite flavours?   No problem – have two tiers, with his and hers flavours.

You could even go the savoury route and have a cheese stack.   You can buy a ready-made  cake of cheeses (some towering as high as eight tiers) or make your own combo of Cheddar, Stilton, Brie, Wensleydale, Double Gloucester or soft goat’s cheese (to name but a few).

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Extra helpings

The team at Clevedon Hall love discussing cake (almost as much as eating it!) so if you have any questions of this nature don’t be shy about asking us – we’re hungry to help!

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Your wedding is obviously a very personal occasion that’s close to your heart – so it’s totally understandable if you want to plan it all yourself.  However, it is a huge undertaking that takes up a lot of time and inevitably involves a certain amount of stress.  Many couples, keen to focus on the fun and romance, with less of the work and the worry, therefore enlist the services of a wedding planner.

If you hold your wedding at Clevedon Hall the team here will give you a lot of help and support.  Having said that some of our brides who have especially demanding jobs, or whose circumstances may be particularly complicated (lots of guests flying in from abroad, for instance), bring in a wedding planner as well.

In this post we cover the main benefits of hiring a professional wedding planner.

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Helping you get the most out of your budget  

Wedding planners cost money.  But in strict financial terms they are generally worth it – they can actually save more than they cost.  How come?  Because they are experts, they know the right people, they understand how the wedding industry works, and are skilled at getting the best deals.  If you let them take care of all the negotiations, decisions and purchases you’ll get better value for money.

Wedding suppliers want repeat business.  Planners can give it to them but you can’t (unless you are planning on getting married multiple times!).  So wedding planners usually get lower quotes and better rates than brides.  

What’s more, wedding planners are used to managing wedding budgets, contacts and all the administrative details.  You are not – so they will usually do a much better job of keeping all the finances properly managed and buttoned down.

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Freeing up your time

Most brides have a full time job, a busy social life and plenty of other commitments (including their relationship with their husband to be).  Finding the time to plan and organize a wedding on top of all that is a big ask.  You can do it, but at what cost?  The effort can really take the fun, excitement and romance out of what should be some of the most joyous months of your life.  

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Do the maths. The average couple is engaged for about 12 months, which only gives you 48 weekends in which to get everything sorted.  You’ll find yourself missing out other social events or family gatherings because you have a fitting, tasting or some other wedding related task that requires your time.  Your inbox is also going to fill up with correspondence from suppliers asking questions, requiring discussion or needing payment.  

A wedding planner can take much of this off the hassle off your shoulders, leaving you free to enjoy more of the fun stuff – and that’s incredibly valuable.

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Helping you achieve your wedding vision

You have a picture in your mind of your dream wedding.  But it can be easy to lose sight of that when you start talking to different vendors and your family and friends keep adding their personal ideas, suggestions and requests.  Your planner is focused only on your special day (unlike vendors who may be involved in several weddings every weekend) and will push to make sure everything goes according to your unique plan.

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There are so many little details to keep track of, and so many different people putting subtle (or not so subtle!) pressure on you, that it’s all too easy to end up with an event that’s not quite what you had in mind.  Your wedding planner is a professional project manager whose job it is to make sure the client (you) gets what they wanted at the very beginning.  Also, because they are not so personally involved they are much better placed to have difficult conversations on your behalf!

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Inspiration ideas and practical advice

You might spend hours on Pinterest, flipping through bridal magazines and surfing various wedding blogs gathering information, ideas and advice.  But that doesn’t make you a pro.  A wedding planner organises events ranging from 20 to 300 guests on a regular basis.  They know what the issues are and have great relationships with the best vendors.  They understand the legalities, they are familiar with the problems that often arise and are practiced at coming up with solutions.  For instance, your mum and mother-in-law disagree about bridal shower details.  You’re not sure how much should you ask your bridesmaids to pay for their dresses.  When should you send out your save-the-dates.  A seasoned wedding planner has seen it all, and she'll be able to guide you through any tricky situations that arise during big-day preparations - the benefit of their knowledge and experience is priceless.

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At the very least your planner is going to come up with brilliant and original ideas for your ceremony and reception, many of which can't be found online. Whether you want a unique centre piece or a totally wow cake design, she'll brainstorm something that will knock your socks off.

On the other hand you may come up with some super creative idea that you are not sure how to turn into reality.  Your wedding planner will be able to give you a practical way of achieving it or maybe suggest something similar that will work better.

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Peace of mind

For all these reasons, and more, a wedding planner will save you tons of stress and worry.  They are like a PA, walking diary, confidant and best friend all rolled into one.  There comes a point, usually just before the big day, when it can all get too much – that’s when you wish you had paid for a wedding planner!  Do you really want to be worrying about the florist finding your venue on the day.   Or stressing over whether the DJ will have the correct cables and connections for the venue’s sound system?  Without a planner you’ll be tackling those issues yourself, when you least need it!

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Your planner can make your life so much calmer by responding to emails when you are really short of time, take phone calls that you don’t want to deal with and.  They can attend venue viewings, menu tastings and supplier meetings with or without you, and can also be present on the day should you need extra tissues, extra wine or help with an unruly guest or difficult supplier.  

A planner makes sure you get your wedding your way - with the minimum stress and work, the maximum fun and pleasure.  

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Let’s make it happen

The team at Clevedon Hall can give you lots of advice and assistance but we’re very happy to work with a planner if you decide you’d like one.  Together we’ll ensure your big day is as magical and enjoyable as in your dreams.

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When you eventually get to enjoy your big day (global pandemics permitting!) it’s important to be in the moment.  But it’s also essential to capture the memories – and that means hiring a professional photographer.  There’s plenty to choose from…and that’s the problem.  You suddenly discover there’s a lot more to it than you initially realised.  In this post we give a quick overview of the different wedding photography styles and terms that wedding photographers tend to use (reportage, second shooter…eh?).

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Digital or film?

Digital is the most popular way to shoot wedding photos, for these reasons

•              Digital gives you unlimited shots as no extra processing fees – film means less shots and extra cost

•              With digital you can immediately see the shot and make adjustments as necessary

•              With film it takes longer to get finished images

•              Digital produces crisp, high-quality photos and prints but film adds grain, softness and warmth

•              Digital is more suitable for very low-light conditions

•              Retouching with digital is easy

•              Digital negatives are easy to store and won’t fade over time

You might want to find a photographer who’ll shoot on film and digital to give you the best of both worlds.

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Black and white vs colour

Black and white produces a timeless and classic effect.  It also heightens the mood and can be great in poor lighting conditions to put draw the eye to the happy couple.  The normal procedure is to shoot in colour and then edit into black and white so you have both options.  

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Photography package

An agreement that sets out what is included in the fee – from how many hours they’ll spend shooting on the day to what they’ll finally deliver.  What sort of thing might be included in a typical package?

•              A pre-wedding consultation to discuss the arrangements in detail

•              An engagement shoot

•              About 10 hours on the day from the bridal party preparations through to the first dance

•              A USB stick of high-resolution, full-edited digital images from the day (400-500 images)

•              Personal use copyright license

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Copyright

You’ve paid for the shots but the photographer always owns the copyright.  However, the agreement should give you a personal use copyright license. This this means you can print physical copies and to share the photos online.  You can’t sell your photos or publish them and the photographer may request that images you share on social media carry a watermark.

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Traditional photography

This style is formal and captures posed photographs of your day. You’ll get a standard, almost formulaic series of images covering the key moments in the day (like signing the register and cutting the cake) as well as a number of staged group shots of you and your guests. Although this style might sound a bit unimaginative it is important to get these shots for posterity.  Your best solution might be to find a photographer that takes these formal set pieces as well as shots in a reportage or contemporary style.

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Contemporary style photography

The photographer shoots in the style used by current magazine editorials.  The style is quite artistic and imaginative, using dramatic backdrops, unusual angles and lighting, or focusing on more abstract shots.  If you’re looking for a quirky and creative then this style is for you.  

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However, be clear on what the photographer has in mind.  Review several of their full wedding albums to make sure you are both on the same page.  The shots may take quite a lot of time and require you to go to another location (for instance, Clevedon Pier) – you have to decide if you want to spend this long on your wedding day to get these shots.  

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Reportage style photography

One of the most popular styles right now, a very naturalistic and informal way of capturing moments and emotions as they happen – a style that’s very like photojournalism.  If you want candid and authentic shots without wasting time on posing this is the style to go for.

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Fun photography

Light-hearted, comical or slightly cheesy shots directed by the photographer. These shots may range from the bridal party jumping in the air to a staged shot of the groomsmen and bridesmaids in a tug of war to pull the happy couple apart. Whatever your idea of fun is!

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Shot list

A list of must-have shots, like the groom waiting at the altar or the bride getting dressed.  Keep the list short and give your chosen photographer lots of freedom – they are the experts.  Having said that there will be some group shots that are essential.

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Proofing, retouching and editing

The post-production stage.  You’ll be sent a link to a password-protected online gallery that friends and family can also look at. You’ll agree which shots to put to one side (someone was blinking or there are better shots of the same moment).  This is a chance for you to ask for any final edits on a few of the photos, especially the ones you plan to print.

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The photographer will correct and enhance things like colour and exposure plus adjust things that don’t turn out exactly as you’d like – from removing unwanted shadows and confetti to combining two photos to create a group shot that was missed.  This can include skin retouching, eyes highlighting, smoothing creases in clothes and removing stray hairs.

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Boudoir shoot

A set of images for the eyes of your spouse only.  These are quite different from regular wedding shots so best done by a dedicated boudoir photographer who’ll have the knowledge of the best angles and lighting.

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Bridal sessions

A formal portrait session several months before the wedding with the bride in her wedding dress and with a replica of her bouquet, almost like a test run for the big day.  These were more popular in days gone but are still a lovely way to get portraits of the bride in a private relaxed setting.

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Second shooter

One photographer can’t be in two places at once so you might want to pay for a second one to make sure nothing is missed. For instance, one photographer might shoot the groom getting ready while the other captures the bridal party preparations.

With a big wedding one photographer will struggle to cover all those memorable moments. A second shooter will be able to go around your guests during your reception drinks, catch a different angle on the walk down the aisle and first dance, and get photos of all the details (cake, table setting, flowers) while your main photographer does your couple shots.

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Anything else you need to know?

That’s not everything there is to know about wedding photography but it’s certainly enough for starters.  If you have any further questions, not just about photography but any aspect of planning your big day, give us a call – the team at Clevedon Hall have a wealth of knowledge and experience to share.

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There has been one upside to the Covid situation as far as weddings are concerned.  Really?!  Yes - government restrictions provided the perfect excuse for keeping the numbers down and not feeling quite so bad about leaving certain people off the guest list.  However, as there’s the prospects of a viable vaccine being available in the not too distant future you may have to start thinking a bit harder about these issues as we head into 2021.  

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Workmates

You probably have a few close friends at work that you’d love to have along.  But where do you draw the line?  It’s not an easy call but it maybe best to invite all, or none.

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The return favour

You were invited to their wedding so are you obliged to do the same?  If their wedding was less than a year before yours then you should probably include them.  If it was longer, but you are still close, the answer is probably yes.  But if you seldom see each other now then they’ll probably understand.  Probably…  They may have had a much bigger event, or less relatives to include, so there are a few other circumstances to take into consideration – but if their wedding was not long ago, or you still see them, then leaving them out will potentially cause bad feeling.

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Parental pressure

Parents probably have different ideas to you about who should be invited to the wedding – and it’s tough to ignore their wishes if they are making a financial contribution.  Consider allocating a certain number of invitations to both sets of parents to get around this. If your venue holds 100 people, you could invite 50 guests and let each set of parents inviting 25 each.

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The ‘plus one’

Some guests will feel uneasy coming alone or may have a “significant other” that you’ve not met (yet!).  There’s no hard and fast rule – kind of depends on the capacity of the venue.  It’s generally acceptable to not invite the partners of a group of work colleagues who enjoy each other’s company.  But but do consider inviting the partner of the friend who may not know anybody else. Generally be clear and consistent about whether or not you are inviting partners. Print names on the rsvp cards as this will stop uninvited partners from turning up.

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The divorced parents situation

It’s important for both of you to have both parents in attendance.  But what if they can no longer bear to be in the same room as each other?  It may be possible to keep them apart but it certainly won’t be easy – especially when you arrange the seating plan of the top table.

The top table is the focus of attention at the reception so any “issues” are going to be obvious to everyone.  The traditional way to seat everyone on the top table is down one side of a rectangular table, facing the rest of the room.  The normal arrangement, from the left: chief bridesmaid, groom’s father, bride’s mother, groom, bride, bride’s father, groom’s mother, best man. An alternative to this is to swap the fathers so that the bride’s parents sit together and the groom’s parents set together.

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You’d probably love your mum and dad to sit at the top table but if they absolutely don’t want to then you need to find an alternative seating solution.  You might like to consider these variations:

·         If the bride’s parents have divorced and remarried.  From the left: bride’s stepfather, chief bridesmaid, groom’s father, bride’s mother, groom, bride, bride’s father, groom’s mother, best man, bride’s stepmother.

·         If the groom’s parents have divorced and remarried.  From the left: best man, groom’s stepmother, groom’s father, bride’s mother, groom, bride, bride’s father, groom’s mother, groom’s stepfather, chief bridesmaid.

·         If both sets of parents have divorced and remarried. From the left: groom’s stepmother, bride’s stepfather, chief bridesmaid, groom’s father, bride’s mother, groom, bride, bride’s father, groom’s mother, best man, bride’s stepmother, groom’s stepfather.

Another option, to avoid any awkward hierarchies, particularly if there is any resentment or bitterness lurking between current partners and exes, consider having a round table.

If you find it impossible to organize a harmonious top table just do away with tradition altogether and have a romantic ‘sweetheart top table’ just for the bride and groom alone.  That way you are the centre of attention and everyone else can sit at separate tables with people they feel comfortable with.

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Inviting the ex

We have all heard stories of couples who invited their ex-wife or ex-husband to their wedding and they all got along famously, but this is rare – generally it’s a recipe for disaster.

If your relationship with your ex is friendly, and you have children together, it might work out.  But you do need to consider how your ex and your new partner are going to feel.  If you have any misgivings at all it’s probably best to simply explain that you will be getting married again but that you don’t feel it would be appropriate to have them there on the day. They may happily accept this (and might actually be quite relieved).  Certainly don’t invite them if it makes your new partner uncomfortable.  What’s more, there may be others (not least your parents) who might not welcome your ex (and possibly their new partner).  

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Ask away

If you have any other questions relating to guest lists, seating arrangements and the like, then let us know – it’s all in a day’s work for the team at Clevedon Hall!

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Your wedding day is the most romantic moment of your life.  So, you want it to be perfect.  Which means you plan it very carefully.   But, ironically, the more you plan, the more you try to micromanage every little detail, the more stressful it becomes.  Because there will always be little challenges – like the venue you want is booked on all of the dates you’d like, your future mother-in-law can’t stop giving you advice and your maid of honour gets pregnant eight months before the big day.  Then, to cap it all, Covid comes along.

This isn’t the first post we’ve written on how to manage your mental and emotional wellbeing during the wedding planning process – but we thought it was timely.  Plus we have some fresh tips that we haven’t shared with you before.

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Accept that it’s normal to feel stressed

Planning a wedding is a big undertaking.  So if you find yourself getting stressed out that’s normal.  The fact you are so wound up, losing sleep and getting ratty with people doesn’t mean you are a total bridezilla, that it’s better to delay the whole thing or that you have serious mental health issues!  

However, many brides and grooms try to hide the anxiety they’re experiencing.  They might even feel ashamed that they’re struggling during a period that should be the “happiest time of their life”.

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The best approach is to realise “it’s not you” but the situation – stop blaming yourself!  Then make looking after yourself more of a priority – right now it’s probably way down the list, below worrying about the budget and making sure everyone else is happy (an impossible task, by the way!).  If you follow this tip, and the ones that follow, you’ll be able to enjoy the process of wedding planning and put the focus back on you, your relationship and your upcoming marriage.

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Use you support network  

There’s a lot of truth in the old adage “a problem shared is a problem halved”.  So share the stuff that’s bothering you.  Who with?  It might be with your partner, a member of your family or with your closest girlfriends – you decide who is best placed to give you the love, support and advice you need.  Even if they don’t come up with a solution to your problem just talking it out will be a big help.  

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You might just want to meet up with one person over a cuppa or go out with your mates for a good old chin wag over a bottle of wine – the main thing is to get some human contact.  This is especially important right now when you are probably seeing fewer people than usual because everyone is working from home and meeting socially in a bar or restaurant is rather difficult.  In between face to face meetings make sure you chat on zoom or snapchat – it all helps!  

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Go on a digital detox

Chat with your friends digitally but perhaps limit your use of social media in other ways.  A number have studies have linked excessive social media use with depression, anxiety, sleep problems and body image and body confidence issues. Whether it’s creating a dream wedding way beyond your means on Pinterest or feeling inadequate when you look at the images of professional models and influencers on Instagram, social media can be a great source of dissatisfaction and anxiety.

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Following the news too closely, even at the best of times, can be a pretty negative experience – and these are not the best of times!  So tear yourself away from the screen, give your thumbs a rest , and take some us time…just the two of you, enjoying a special meal, taking time out to talk or watching an episode of a favourite show.    

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Rediscover the things that make you happy  

If you’ve been spending every evening with your Excel spreadsheets and lunch has been taken al desko while you chase up suppliers or check out the latest trends in wedding cakes/dress fashions/buddymoons then you need to call a “time out”.

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No matter how busy you are it’s essential to clear some space in your schedule to do things that help you relax, nourish your spirit and bring you joy.  It could be going for a walk, putting your feet up with a novel, soaking in a hot bath or baking chocolate chip cookies.  Just make sure you get that important ‘me time’ every day – a break from everything else going on in your life when you focus on no one else’s needs but your own.

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Make a “done” list

We’ve all got a “to-do” list.  So why not a “done” one?  “to-do” lists are obviously useful but they can make you feel overwhelmed and anxious.  So why not spend a little time every evening, or at the end of the week, making a list of all the things you’ve recently accomplished – it’s a great way to remind yourself of what you’ve achieved and to build up your self-esteem.   Makes sense, doesn’t it?  So do it!

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Get some exercise

Numerous studies show that physical exercise helps lower stress levels.  In the current situation you may be rather less active than you realise.  Maybe your daily commute is now between your bedroom and the kitchen – when you worked in an office there was probably a lot more walking involved.  And with lockdown you might have let your gym membership lapse and given up the yoga classes.  

The general recommendation from healthcare professionals is to take 150 minutes of moderate-intensity activity a week, and swimming, yoga or gentle walking are great places to start.  The evidence suggests this type of activity can reduce your risk of depression by 30%, improve sleep quality, increase self-confidence and help you manage stress and anxiety better.

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If possible try and combine that exercise with some fresh air – just getting out and experiencing a change of scenery certainly has a calming effect.

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Eat healthy

How do most of us respond to stress?  By comfort eating and drinking!   However, reaching for the nearest chocolate bar, pack of biscuits or glass of wine is not the answer.  It actually just makes you feel worse, physically and mentally – once the sugar rush or the alcohol buzz has passed we probably feel worse than before (and beat ourselves up as part of the deal!).  Plus putting on weight doesn’t help our state of mind (or dress size).  

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On the other hand a crash diet to reach your ideal wedding weight is not too smart either.  Severely restricting your calorie intake makes you feel lethargic and irritable – certainly not helpful for your mental health!

Much better to eat a healthy balanced diet of freshly prepared meals with plenty of vegetables.  Cutting down on your alcohol intake will also help you sleep better, as will switching to caffeine-free beverages like herbal or rooibos tea.

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Minimize your commitments

Taking on too much is a sure way to increase your stress levels so learn to say “no” more.  Your time and energy are precious and it isn’t selfish to set boundaries.  You don’t have to go to every party and volunteer for every project – but you do have to look after yourself.

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Learn to delegate  

Share your wedding planning workload with trusted bridesmaids, groomsmen, parents and friends.  There’s all sorts of time consuming tasks they could help with while you focus on the stuff you must do for yourself – like dress fittings, working out seating plans and going for tastings (essential!).

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Lean on us

We understand what you are going through and we’ve helped countless couples with the ups and downs.  We’re here to give you emotional support but you’ll also find that our experience and practical knowledge enables us to provide answers to many of the questions that are getting you down.

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The Covid crisis has certainly changed the way we tie the knot today.  But even before the pandemic upended everything weddings, and marriage, were undergoing subtle changes from one year to the next.  Go back to the time your grandparents wed, or just to the time when you were a twinkle in your parent’s eye, and you’ll discover just how different it all was not so long ago.  The statistics tell a remarkable story.  

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More marriages and more haste  

In 1970 out of every 1,000 unmarried adult women living in England and Wales in (single, divorced or widowed) 60 got hitched during the year.  Fast forward to 2017 and the number dropped to just 21.

What’s more, in 1970 the average age women got married for the first time was 21, to men who were two years older.  By 2017 it had risen to 30 for women and 31 for men.  

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An interesting slant on this is the fact that in 1970 a third of all brides gave birth less than eight months after the ceremony – do the maths!  In those days giving birth as an unmarried mother was severely frowned upon but by 2016 it was almost the norm - 48% of English and Welsh babies were born to unmarried mothers in 2016, up from 8% in 1970.

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Attitudes have changed  

NatCen Social Research, which runs annual surveys, found that in 1983 42% of Britons thought  sex before marriage was fine.  By 2016 this had climbed to 75%.  However, we’ve become less liberal in another way - all Britons, especially young ones, now take a more critical view of affairs.  As marriage becomes less common it is also being seen as more precious.

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For richer, for poorer

Marriage as a whole may be losing popularity but the picture is nuanced.  According to the Labour Force Survey in the first quarter of 2017, 65% of top professional adults in Britain were married.  However, amongst those in more routine jobs the figure was just 44%.  Amongst the unemployed and those who had never worked the proportion was even lower, at 40%.  

The class difference is even more marked when you look at women with young children. The Marriage Foundation charity calculates that 87% of women in the highest-earning quintile with children under five are married.  But in the lowest earning quintile the number is just 24%.

While marriage is favoured by well-off people it’s also popular with some ethnic minorities, especially immigrants and the offspring of immigrants from countries such as Bangladesh, India, Pakistan and Somalia, which have strong marriage cultures.  

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Harrow has the lowest proportion of births outside marriage (a mere 20%), reflecting the fact it is a middle-class London suburb where less than one-third of the population is white British.   At the other end of the scale comes Knowsley, a poor suburb of Liverpool where 19 out of 20 people are white Britons – here the rate is 75%.

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Split decisions declining

Marriages are becoming more resilient.  Among those who tied the knot in 1996, 11% had split up by the fifth year of marriage and 25% by the tenth.   But skip a decade and among those who wed in 2006, 8% had split by their fifth year and 20% by their tenth year.  This trend to longer lasting marriages continues.

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Meanwhile, in the rest of the world

It’s a similar picture.  Across Europe, with the exception of Belgium, highly educated women are less likely to have children outside marriage.  In America the better educated are more likely to be in wedlock than the rest and marriage rates are now higher among women with PhDs than among women with bachelor’s degrees.  

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American men seem to live quite uncomplicated personal lives - at the age of 45 those with university education tend to be hitched (88% of them).  About 75% of these are still with their first wife.  Men who did not finish high school are less likely to have married and, if they have, more likely to have divorced.

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Men behaving less badly

Married women nagging their husbands to “do more about the house” is a familiar refrain.  However, a recent study from Oxford University shows that although women still do more housework than men the gap has narrowed everywhere.   In 1974 British women spent 172 more hours a year cleaning, cooking and laundering than men.

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By 2005 the men were doing more of their share - women were putting in only 74 hours more than their partners.  In America a similar trend has been observed - the difference between the time married working women and men spent doing housework each day fell from 38 to 28 minutes between 2003-06 and 2011-15.

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What more do you need to know?

So, statistically speaking, you now understand a lot more about the subject of marriage and the latest social and economic trends.  It won’t help you with your planning for the big day but you’ll be able to impress your other half, family and friends with your amazing knowledge!  If there’s anything else we can help you with, wedding-wise, just get in touch – the team here are really well informed.

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Whatever plans you have for your big day there will be helpful friends and relatives who weigh in with advice on what you should and shouldn’t do.  Some of their suggestions may be really practical and helpful.  Others, however, will probably stem from ancient traditions that have become established over many generations and now have precious little relevance today.  Of these, many are based on nothing more than superstition – weird and wacky ideas from the time when people believed in dragons, witchcraft and evil spirits.  In this post we explore a few of these  – partly for fun and partly to help you navigate your way through the minefield of wedding customs, folklore and hocus pocus.

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Not seeing each other before the ceremony

This dates back to the time of arranged marriages and was intended to reduce the chance of a bride or groom deciding to do a runner once they’d caught sight of their intended.  Although arranged marriages are no longer as common most brides still prefer to keep their bridal-look a secret from the groom until the ceremony – so this idea does still serve a purpose.  

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Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue

Where the heck did this come from?!  It all goes back to the traditional rhyme that originated in Victorian England - the ditty that promoted the idea that, for good luck and a happy marriage, a bride must have on her wedding day "Something old, something new / Something borrowed, something blue / And a sixpence in her shoe."

The 'something old' symbolizes the bride’s past, her family and her values, and could be represented by a piece of jewellery or a similar token.  The 'something new' might be a gift from the groom or her family, and represents a new chapter in the bride’s life full of good fortune and happiness.  'Something borrowed' might be a bridal accessory lent by a happily married friend or family member to ensure the bride's marriage is just as happy as theirs. 'Something blue' represents the values of purity, faithfulness and modesty and could come in the form of a blue ribbon or brooch. Lastly, a sixpence in the bride's shoe, or even sewn into her dress, was supposed to promise lasting wealth for the couple.

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Catching the bouquet or garter

The general idea is that the bride tosses her bouquet or garter over her shoulder to the unmarried women in the company and the one who catches it will be the next to wed.

This has its roots in a medieval superstition that it was good luck to get a piece of the bride's wedding dress.  This quaint belief  sometimes resulted in a free for all scramble and a severely tattered dress.   So, to distract guests as the happy couple made their way to the marriage chamber, the groom would toss the bride’s garter into the following crowd.

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Carrying the bride over the threshold

This stems from an ancient Roman superstition, that persisted through medieval times, that evil spirits might curse a bride through the soles of her feet.   The groom was therefore advised to carry her to and through the doors of their new home to protect her, and their marriage, from misfortune.

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Right foot forward

This one is a bit like the old children’s superstition, ‘Step on a crack, break your grandmother’s back.’  This belief has it that the bride must step into the wedding ceremony venue with her right foot first for good luck.  

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Superstitions that are associated with good luck

·         Wednesday is allegedly the luckiest day on which to wed and Saturday is the unluckiest - something it’s worth remembering as you can’t currently get a wedding venue on a Saturday for love nor money!   An old rhyme from English folklore rules: "Monday for health, Tuesday for wealth, Wednesday best of all, Thursday for losses, Friday for crosses, Saturday for no luck at all."

·         Sprinkling the bride with wheat or rice was believed to bring fruitfulness.

·         Tossing coins over the heads of the bride and groom ensured good fortune.  Throwing shoes over their heads is also supposed to bring good fortune.

·         If a cat sneezes on the eve of the wedding that is a sign of good luck.

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Superstitions that are associated with bad luck

·         Getting married in a church where there is an open grave leads to bad luck.

·         Wearing a green dress is suppose to bring misfortune.

·         It is bad luck for the bride to look at herself in the mirror after she's dressed in her bridal wear.  However, if you do this by mistake the wearing/carrying of another accessory will break the bad spell.

·         Marrying someone whose surname begins with the same letter as yours is thought to bring bad luck: "to change the name and not the letter / is to change for the worse and not the better" goes an old rhyme.

·         A bridesmaid who stumbles walking to the altar will never be wed according to old lore - so watch your step or end up an old maid!

·         A sapphire in your wedding ring will bring happiness.  Pearls, due to their tear-drop appearance, will bring sorrow.  

·         According to an old wives’ tale, if the younger sister marries before her older sibling the latter must dance barefoot at the wedding or she will never marry.

·         Giving a couple a knife or a set of knives for their wedding gift is bad luck, as it signifies a broken relationship.

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Anything else you need to know?  

You probably have some more, rather more practical, questions about the practicalities of planning your wedding – the team at Clevedon are only too happy to answer them, so just ask away!

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