Trends, Tips, & Ideas For Your Next Big Event

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Weddings are “go” again.  Well, sort of.  In England you can have a ceremony and a reception for up to 30 guests – provided you follow the Covid-safe guidelines.  So thousands of couples are now busily re-planning their (slightly smaller) Big Day.  In all the inevitable discussions about social distancing arrangements, revised catering requirements and scaled-down guest lists it’s easy for some other important matters to get overlooked.  The Order of Service being one of them.  In this post we take you through a standard Order of Service.  You don’t have to follow it exactly but it’s a useful starting point as you plan the exact details of your own ceremony.

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What is the Order of Service?

It is the order in which you go through the different stages of the wedding ceremony itself.  There are certain things you have to do to make the marriage legal - and other things you traditionally do to celebrate your love and make the occasion meaningful.  

Provided you satisfy all the legal requirements you can personalize certain aspects to make your ceremony a unique occasion.  You might stick closely to tradition or go a little bit quirky and original – it’s up to you.  Having said that, making it up as you go along, on the day, is not going to work!  You need to plan the different steps, and practice going through the whole thing from beginning to end, to make sure everything runs smoothly on the day.

In this post we set out the traditional Order of Service for a religious or civil ceremony and cover some of the main issues you’ll want to consider.  A celebrant-led wedding ceremony in England will be slightly different because the legal bits of the service will have to be performed afterwards or beforehand.

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Processional

This is the part where the bride, and bridal party, make their grand entrance.  The traditional way to do this in the UK is to have the groom and groomsmen waiting at the altar.   The bridesmaids walk down the aisle one by one, ending with the bride walked down the aisle by her father. If you are including flower girls and page boys in your ceremony then they’ll walk down the aisle just before the bride.  

Having said this you can do the processional any way you want and include whoever you choose to take part.  For instance, in a same-sex ceremony you could both walk down the aisle together.  

At a same-sex wedding, you may both choose to walk down their aisle, just one of you or perhaps you decide it isn't right for either of you. The processional is really completely up to you and you can choose which members of your wedding party and family take part.

The important thing is to decide who is going to be part of the procession, how they will line up (in view of the guests or out of sight?), what order will they follow and where will they stand once they reach the end of the aisle…then practice!

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Welcome and introduction  

Once the two of you are at the front and everyone has settled down the officiant will extend a welcome to all and set the scene.  You need to discuss with your celebrant what form of words you’d like.  If it’s a religious ceremony there may be a set formula to be followed but if not you and your celebrant can create a bespoke message that strikes just the right note for you and your guests.  It is customary for the celebrant to thank guests for bearing witness to your union, as well as welcome everyone to your venue and your celebration.  This will be an introduction and some thoughts on marriage. This could include a brief recounting of your love story, words on what marriage means to you, or a statement about the ceremony to come and what it represents.  

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Song or Reading

The welcome is traditionally followed by a song or hymn ceremony but you can replace this with a reading if you’d prefer.  Either way it further helps to set the tonev for what follows.

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The marriage ceremony

This begins with what is known as the “charge to the couple”.  The purpose of the charge is to remind you both of your individual duties and roles in the marriage and prepare you for the vows they are about to take.   This is also the part of the proceedings where the officiant asks if there’s any reason in law why the two of you should not marry.  

Then comes the exchange of vows. To make your marriage legal, there are certain declarations and contracting words you must say. However, the rest of your vows are up to you and you can choose to word them as you wish.  Because of the legal requirements you must run these past the registrar or religious officiant before the wedding as they can have strict rules about what you’re allowed to say.

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Exchanging of Rings  

This is a very symbolic part of the ceremony but exchanging rings is not a legal requirement.  The officiant will take the rings from the best man then in turn you each place a ring on the other’s finger whilst speaking a short dedication.

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Declaration of Marriage and First Kiss

The celebrant will now officially declare that you are married and say something along the lines of “By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife” (or wife and wife, or husband and husband). They then give you permission to kiss - your cue to embrace amidst much clapping and cheering.  Don’t hurry this bit – give your photographer plenty of time to capture the moment!

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Optional Address, Prayers, Reading and Song

If it’s a religious ceremony the celebrant will usually say a few words at this point perhaps with a reading and a hymn.  If it’s a civil service it’s also a lovely moment for a reading or a song.

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Signing of the Register

This is another legal requirement so you can’t skip it – until the register is signed you are not fully wed in the eyes of the law.  You’ll need two witnesses to sign the register alongside you and your partner.  You can choose anyone to perform the role of witness but it’s customary for the maid of honour and the best man to do the honours.  This part of the ceremony does not involve your other guests so you probably need to decide on some music they can listen to while you are putting pen to paper.

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Ending of the Service

Your celebrant will round things up with some appropriate closing remarks - congratulations, well wishes and occasionally a few words of thanks.  

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Recessional and Exit  

You, the newly-wed Mr. and Mrs.(!), walk back up the aisle and head off to your reception party accompanied by the music of your choice.  Your wedding party will follow you out (usually in pairs) and then your guests will start exiting from the front row following you out.

Now it’s time to head off to the reception for some serious celebration!

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Any other questions?

We’ve just covered the basics here and there are a lot of other things you might like to consider.  Whatever questions or thoughts you have in mind please feel free to share them with us – the team at Clevedon Hall have a wealth of experiences and heaps of inspiring ideas to help you make your big day the best ever!

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The coronavirus pandemic has played havoc with wedding plans – more than 73,000 ceremonies have been postponed or cancelled since lockdown begun on 23 March.  Are all those couples going to go “hey, no worries, let’s forget the whole thing, for ever”?  I don’t think so!  That means there’s a huge backlog of events to be rebooked, on top of all the weddings already scheduled for the autumn and winter of 2020 and beyond.    

If you’ve got your heart set on a weekend wedding then a long delay is probably inevitable - even if the venue can fit you in some of your vendors might not be available.  The obvious solution, if you don’t want to wait months and months, is to go for a weekday wedding.  Although this may not be what you originally had in mind there are actually some big positives when you avoid the Saturday.  
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Wed on a weekday without so much delay  

If you don’t want to wait until 2021 then a weekday is possibly your only option – the likelihood of your venue and your vendors all being available on a Saturday this side of Christmas is on the anorexic side of slim!    
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Will my guests be able to make a weekday?

We understand your concern but given the circumstances, and the fact that Covid-19 is being so awkward, people are sure to cut you some slack.  Give your guests enough notice and they’ll make every effort to come and celebrate your big day, even if it happens to be a Monday!  We really don’t know how things are going to pan out so you may have to limit the numbers for quite a long while yet – in which case a few people dropping out may even be a blessing in disguise.
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Your budget might go a little further

Saturdays are going to be at a premium but some vendors might be grateful for bookings during the rest of the week.  Weekday discounts aren’t guaranteed but you might find a few suppliers who are open to the idea.  Accommodation rates for your guests may well be cheaper too so that’s another possible bonus.
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A weekday wedding can be more laidback  

Some venues can be pretty busy and raucous at the weekend – this is certainly the case with a city centre hotel or venues that can host several events simultaneously.  Wed on a weekday, however, and everything is likely to be a lot more chilled and relaxed.  
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Battle of the brides

With such a backlog of postponed weddings the chances of a date-clash are dramatically increased.  Tying the knot on a weekday makes a lot of sense as there’s a much better likelihood that all your guests won’t be otherwise committed.  
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Stretch the celebrations

If you make Monday your big day why not hold an activity or event on the Sunday evening to get the ball rolling.  Or have your nuptials on a Friday but organise something like a brunch for the Saturday.  That way, if some people can’t get time off work (like teachers, for instance) they can still come and help you celebrate.  Also, if wedding receptions continue to be limited to 30 guests you could have two different parties (one on the day before or the day after) and double your numbers.
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We’re here to help – just ask

These are difficult times and wedding planning has become even more complicated than before.  The team at Clevedon Hall are right “on it” in terms of the latest rules and current situation so whatever you have in mind they can certainly give you some invaluable input.  

 There has been a spinning blue circle hovering over the entire wedding world for many weeks, with more than 100,000 celebrations frozen by lockdown.  Soon, however, we’ll all be able to press “restart” and get things rolling again.  With this in mind it’s probably a good time to remind people why Clevedon Hall is a wedding venue that has an awful lot to recommend it!
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Creating the right atmosphere

The space, whether it’s a converted barn or a hotel ballroom, a marquee in a field or a posh restaurant, sets the whole tone for your wedding.  They all have their charms but few can match Clevedon Hall for sheer “wow!” factor.  It’s a grand mansion in the Jacobean Revival style, but not too grand.  The architecture is similar to Highclere House, better known as Downton abbey, but on a smaller scale.  Impressive, but not overpowering or intimidating, it was created as a family home, but one with splendid hospitality and lavish entertainment very much in mind.
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It won’t cramp your style

Clevedon Hall, unlike many other venues, is very flexible.  There’s a number of different rooms that can be combined in variety of ways to suit your particular needs. The Grand Library is perfect for formal banqueting.  The Great Hall makes a stately setting for receiving guests, enjoying drinks and canapes or dancing and partying late into the night.  
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There are great spaces for holding the wedding ceremony itself and smaller rooms for those who want to socialise in smaller groups.  There’s a separate bar so keeping the drinks flowing is no problem.  The orangery is a lovely light space in which to relax with afternoon tea, a cocktail or a soft drink.  Upstairs there are plenty of bedrooms and outside there are extensive gardens (more details below)  
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So, no matter what kind of wedding you have in mind, whether it’s a relatively small and intimate affair or something on a grand scale, you can mix and match these spaces in a variety of different ways – there’s plenty of flexibility and freedom to tailor everything exactly as you’d like.  This promises to be especially important while social distancing is a requirement – a situation that may be with us for quite some time.  
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The great outdoors

A venue where guests can enjoy themselves outdoors (but come inside if the weather turns nasty) is a real plus.  You can’t beat a social event under sunny blue skies – prosecco, a barbecue, live music, Pimms, fireworks, canapes on the lawn, children’s games…what’s not to like?!  
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With two and a half acres of gorgeous gardens, including a tree-lined drive, sweeping lawns and private lake Clevedon Hall really does how it all in terms alfresco entertaining.  

And if you really want to put the icing on the outdoor wedding cake there’s our gazebo.  This beautifully hand-crafted feature, with seating for 150 guests on the surrounding terrace, allows the bride to make a dramatic entrance along our winding path.  A perfect spot for your ceremony and photos!
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And so to bed

At Clevedon Hall we have 25 individually designed bedrooms that combine luxurious comfort with the very latest hi-tech facilities.  Each one is different, and charming in its own way – sumptuous furnishings and fabrics, period architectural features, stylish bathrooms and some with breath taking views of the gardens and sea.
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At the end of your big day, with many hours of eating drinking, dancing and socialising behind them, guest will really appreciate being able to stagger up the stairs and fall into a great big comfy bed!  So much better than waiting around for a taxi, a bit of a drive, then a night in a room that’s probably a bit soulless and functional.  
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Eat, drink and be merry

If music be the food of love…can we say the same is true in reverse?  The fact is that the eating and drinking experience can pretty much make or break a wedding.  From start to finish there are glasses of bubbly, dishes of canapes, wine flowing freely, a formal three course meal, port and brandy to round off the dinner, plentiful cups of tea and coffee, cakes and pastries, then beers, wines and cocktails late into the night, with evening food for hungry revellers.  
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That’s a big ask for any team but thankfully at Clevedon Hall we have our very own in-house chef with lashings of culinary talent and big helpings of industry experience. He is passionate about his food and loves to bring a couples’ imaginative foodie ideas to life for their special day.  When it comes to the wining and dining Clevedon Hall never fails to delight!
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Location, location, location

As the name suggests Clevedon Hall is in Clevedon.  That makes it easy to reach – we’re just five minutes from Junction 20 of the M5.   It’s only a 30 minute drive from central Bristol and from Bristol Airport, so very handy for you and your guests.  

Some venues are in remote rural locations that are hard to find.  With us it’s easy -   simply head for the seafront and you can’t go far wrong (Clevedon is not too big – it’ll only take you 5 minutes after coming off the motorway).
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The surroundings are very picturesque.  The Hall is cocooned in its own spacious gardens, with sweeping views of the Bristol Channel.  The town is charming too – a mini seaside resort that has retained its air of Victorian elegance and which your guests are sure to love.
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Exclusive use

Unlike a hotel, or many other venues, you can have the whole house, and the grounds, exclusively to yourselves.  There’s no sharing with other guests and our whole team is entirely focused on making your day everything you could wish for.
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All the help you need to create your perfect day

Our team of event management professionals provide everything from meticulous planning to inspired catering, with outstanding personal service to match – they specialize in exceeding expectations!  They’re also more than happy to share their extensive experience – so whatever questions you may have about the offering at Clevedon Hall, or about how to make your big day the best ever, just ask away!

We’ve hosted hundreds of happy couples for their big day at Clevedon Hall and have a lot of wonderful memories we share with them.  Those who’ve tied the knot over the last 12 months have their first wedding anniversary to look forward to – as have all those who are to wed in the months ahead.  Obviously this is a big event and calls for an appropriate celebration.  In this post we offer up a few suggestions to make the day, and night, suitably magical.  Some of these ideas won’t work while we’re all in lockdown or still have to practice social distancing but hopefully things will start to ease off a bit soon.
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Throw a party

Get your family and friends together for round two of your nuptials. The best idea is to get everyone together a Clevedon Hall again – we specialise in hosting amazing anniversary parties and can provide everything you need in terms of the food, the drinks, the accommodation and a band or DJ.  If your anniversary falls in the summer you’ll have the run of the gardens and grounds and we can arrange a BBQ, a hog roast, drinks on the terrace, outdoor fun and games, even fireworks!
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Anniversary getaway

Your first wedding anniversary is the perfect excuse for a romantic break.  If you managed to get away for a honeymoon then you might like to head back there.  Or maybe you had a honeymoon planned and had to cancel or reschedule it.  This is your chance to put that right!  It will probably take a while for the airline industry to return to business as usual so you may decide to opt for a staycation.  Our previous blog post about great honeymoon spots in the UK should give you some inspiration!   Wherever you decide to go it will give you some quality time together and allow you to reflect on your happy wedding day memories.
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Let us eat cake

It's traditional to eat the top layer of your wedding cake on your first anniversary.  In the old days a wedding cake was usually dripping with liqueur which helped preserve it.  Nowadays you’ll probably want to keep it fresh in the freezer.  Follow these tips carefully and it should be lovely in 365 days’ time.
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1. Immediately after the wedding, place the top tier of the cake in the freezer for a few hours to freeze the outer layer of icing.

2. Next, loosely wrap it with freezer-safe plastic wrap. Cover every inch of cake and ensure no piece remains exposed. This will help you to ward off the dreaded freezer burn.

3. Once wrapped, place the tier into a cake box (available from a local craft store, or ask your baker to provide one ahead of time.)

4. Wrap the cake box in the same plastic wrap to seal it from moisture, air, etc.

5. Finally, place the box in the back of the freezer for safekeeping.  

When your anniversary comes around retrieve your cake and find the most romantic spot imaginable to enjoy it.  It could be a moonlit beach, the spot where you first met, the place where he proposed…just choose somewhere that’s special for both of you.
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Say “I do” to adventure

Your honeymoon was all about romance.  And there’s no harm in recreating that magic.  But this time around you might decide there’s an opportunity to try something entirely different.  It can still be romantic but you might want to add in a bit of extra excitement, adventure and novelty.
 

The range of options is endless, from learning to surf in Cornwall to kayaking around Sweden’s picturesque islands, seeing the Northern Lights and staying in an ice hotel to a trip from London to Venice on the Orient Express.  A word of caution, however – nothing too extreme (cage diving with Great White Sharks or running with the bulls in Pamplona) as that might put a bit of a strain on your relationship!  Stick to stuff you’ll both enjoy and just doing the research and planning will be a bit of an adventure in itself!
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Masterchef it at home

A romantic meal for two is always a winner.  Just make sure you go totally overboard – loads of candles, set the table with all the “good” plates, cutlery, include napkins, flowers, a different wine glass for every course, the full works.  Three courses, at least.  And make a bit of effort with the recipes – beans on toast, a ready meal or cardboard pizza out of the freezer are not acceptable!   Something cheeky (Jamie), naughty (Nigella) or cosy (Delia) should do nicely.  

The drinks are obviously crucial.  A cocktail or something bubbly to start.  Wine with starter and main.  A dessert wine, possibly, or port, to round things off.  Then maybe a brandy, or a baileys?  But obviously watch the quantities as cuddling up afterwards is not good when the room is spinning round!  

Talking of the cuddling up…this is a great opportunity to watch your wedding video again.
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A night on the town

Date night – but it’s a big one so make sure you really push the boat out.  For starters, get glammed up.  Dinner at a favourite restaurant (or the first one you ever enjoyed together)?  A night at the theatre or a concert (with dinner before/after)?  A full-on afternoon tea followed by a movie?
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Pampering for the pair of you  

For a truly romantic break book a spa stay and indulge in a couple’s massage. It’s a great way to unwind together and spend time looking back on all the happy times you’ve had together (and plan more for the future).
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We’re here to help

We hope this list gives you some inspiring ideas and that your first anniversary is truly, madly, deeply wonderful.  If we can be of any further help don’t hesitate to get in touch.  The team here are more than happy to share their experience – and we’d be delighted to organise an anniversary party at Clevedon Hall if that’s something you’d like to do!

Just before Coronavirus rushed its way around the planet we were lucky enough to host this fabulous wedding for Bridget and George. The couple had their ceremony in our stunning Orangery made by David Salisbury. Day was captured by the amazing Jordanna Marston.

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Traditionally it is the man who proposes marriage.  However, there’s also another tradition that that women may propose to men, in a leap year, on the 29th of February.   As 2020 is a leap year, and the 29th of February is only about 48 hours away, we thought it timely to explore this topic in a little more detail.  If you pop the question to your beloved on the 29th you need to have the story straight.  And if he still hasn’t asked you well before the next leap year comes around in 2024 you can threaten to do it yourself!  
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Why women never popped the question

So where did this idea that only the man can do the asking come from?  The answer is “from a long way back”.  For as long as anyone can remember marriage has been largely an economic and political transaction.  Think of those boring history lessons you had to sit through where royals marriages were arranged to seal dynastic alliances, even though the two parties had never even seen each other.  Even in the 18th century finding a husband was probably the most important investment a woman could make in order to secure her economic future – just watch any Jane Austen movie (Pride & Prejudice, Sense & Sensibility, Emma, Persuasion) and you’ll realise that “marrying well” is more about the money and social advancement than the romance.
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Marriage was primarily a business transaction so the families would negotiate a deal - women were treated as property and would be traded from one family to another in exchange for land, offers of protection, or to secure her family's social position. In other cases, women were married off as a means of settling or paying a debt.  Women had no say in the matter – so the idea that they could propose was totally out of the question.

Around the late 1700’s people love and attraction started to come into the equation a little bit more.  However, popping the question remained a male prerogative.  Women had long been considered too emotional and irrational to be trusted to select a good husband, and that mindset continued to inform how love marriages evolved.  Also, men supposedly had more to lose by getting married and it was felt that this meant that they weighed things up more carefully than the flightier sex.
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What’s with this leap year exception to the rule?

There’s an old Irish legend has it that St. Brigid of Kildare, a fifth-century Irish nun, St. Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, what could be done to help single women whose suitors were too shy to propose.  St Patrick initially gave women permission to propose only once every seven years.  However, St Bridged pushed for every leap year.  When he agreed Brigid then dropped to a knee and proposed to him immediately.  He refused but kissed her on the cheek and offered her a silk gown to take the sting out of the rejection.  The current Irish tradition still dictates that any man refusing a woman's proposal on this day must give her a silk gown.
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Scotland has a similar tradition that originated when an unmarried Queen Margaret allegedly enacted a law in 1288 allowing women to propose on leap-year day.  There was, however, an important clause that stated that the proposer must wear a red petticoat, giving any man who saw her bearing down on him the chance to do a runner if he wanted to avoid an awkward scene!

Both these stories are pretty suspect, it must be said.  Historians put St Brigid's age at 9 or 10 when St Patrick died, making the whole event pretty unlikely.  Queen Margaret was only 5 years old in 1288 and historians have also not been able to find any references to such a law.

What about the ring?

If the woman is the one doing the proposing that raises a few issues around the engagement ring.  Does she buy her own ring, to give him, so he can slip it on her finger?  Or does she buy a £1 ring from Poundland (really, they’re selling them!) and wait for him to get a more expensive one once he’s said “yes”?  Or does she present him with a luxury watch, then he buys her a ring in return?  

If you check out a few wedding forums you’ll find that there’s no hard and fast rule.  You’ll just have to somehow work it out between you!
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Where are we today?

A recent report suggests that in 97% of heterosexual couple it was the man who asked the question.  This is a bit surprising when you think how far women have come in terms of establishing equal status with men.  And women tend to find it easier to express their feelings than men – so it’s probably easier for them to do the asking than it is for some emotionally reticent bloke who finds it hard to put his love into words.  

Yet traditions that have taken thousands of years to cement themselves at the heart of our society are hard to break.  There’s nothing to say the woman can’t propose – but when all is said and done it might just be easier to use your charms to get him to do the asking!    
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Any other questions?

The team here at Clevedon Hall are pretty experienced in all things wedding and very happy to share their knowledge, tips and thoughts – just pop us the question (well, not that question!).

 It’s traditional for wedding guests to give the bride and groom presents.  But what is the current etiquette surrounding this aspect of the occasion?  And what is the best way for the happy couple to organise this aspect of their big day?  In this post we share a few thoughts and tips that will hopefully make it easier for you and your guests to navigate what can potentially be a bit of a minefield – the do’s and don’ts of giving and receiving can get a little bewildering!
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A bit of history    

Wedding gifts originated from the notion of a bride price or dowry that was paid to the bride's family. It usually included land, animals, money, and other forms of historical wealth. The earliest record of such an arrangement was in 3,000 B.C.  

By the time of the Renaissance, some 4,500 years later, it became traditional for the bride to be presented with an ornate marriage chest. This would be filled with all the goods which she would then take to her new home.  This practice evolved into the ‘bottom drawer’ in which unmarried women would collect all the linens and things they would need to embark on married life.

As we approach the modern era it became customary for guests to give the bride anything they still lacked in the way of household essentials.  Things stepped up a gear in the early part of the last century.  In 1928 giant US retail store Macy’s introduced the idea of the wedding gift registry – and others were swift to follow suit.
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In those days most couples did not live together before tying the knot (heaven forbid!) and were fairly young.  That meant they lacked all those things, from pillow cases to saucepans and cutlery to tea cups, to ‘set up home’.  Times have changed and most couples have already got all those regular items well before he ‘makes an honest woman of her’ – so wedding registry list now lean towards luxury ‘nice to have’ stuff rather than the boring basics.
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Work out what you have already got  

Take some time with your partner and do a “stock check”.  Make a list of what both of you have already and want to keep.  Then make a list of what you still need and would like.  You might want to divide this second list into "everyday" and "formal" versions of dinnerware, glassware, table linens and serving items. It's also important to discuss general colour schemes or patterns before you go any further.
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Take your pick  

Picking a registry makes life easy for you and your guests.  There are so many to choose from that we aren’t going to list them here.  Just create one as soon as you get engaged.    

Having said that, one is not enough.  Ten, however, is too many.  Two to four registries give guests more choices, and it's a manageable number.  You might want to pick a couple of smaller registries you should also feature at least one big one like Amazon or John Lewis.    

Your choice should reflect your lifestyle, interests and tastes.  If you love camping and walking but have little interest in cooking and formal entertaining then you should register with an outdoor pursuits store rather than somewhere that offers upmarket cookware.  

Try to keep everyone happy  

The gifts are for you, so you’ll obviously want to list things that you and your partner would like (remember to do this together!).  Friends and family may make suggestions and they might have some good ones – but ultimately it’s about working out what you need and want, what is going to suit the kind of life and home you want to create together.

Having said that, register for a wide range of items.  That makes it easy for people to choose gifts within their means.  Some guests may have been intending on spending a relatively modest amount and you don’t want to embarrass them with a list where everything is crazy expensive.  Also include some traditional items for older relatives to choose and fun stuff for your mates to give you.
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Preparing the list

Don’t rush the list-making process – you may regret your choices if you are in too much of a hurry, or you might miss items that will be really useful but slip your mind.  Set aside plenty of time for searching, thinking and discussing.  

One tip is to start by signing up for essential items you really want – a new mattress, for instance.  Then, once these have been ticked off and the list is getting shorter, you can add more items.  That way you reduce the chances of getting a nice salad bowl but missing out on the wine glasses that you can’t do without!
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Make your registry list longer than your guest list.  Suppose a work colleague has left it to the last minute and the only thing left on the list costs £110 – you’ve really put them in an awkward spot!  With a long registry list you’ll have stuff left over but it’s a sure fire way to guarantee you’ll get most of what you want.
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How to let the guests know about your registry

You need to be a little bit discreet - coming straight out and asking your guests to buy you gifts is way too pushy!  Don’t include registry information on your wedding invitations – it’s more appropriate to let people know by word of mouth.  

Your registry information can also be listed on your engagement party and bridal shower invites.  That’s because the invitation doesn't come from you, but from the person hosting that event for on your behalf.  You can also share your registry information on your personalized wedding website.
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Is gift-giving obligatory?  

If you’re invited to the actual wedding ceremony then the answer is “yes” – no ifs, buts or exceptions.  Even if they said “no gifts” you give a gift!

If you’re invited to the evening reception, or a party after the actual ceremony has occurred, then it’s not obligatory - but many people do anyway.  

What if it’s a destination wedding – does the fact you’ve spent a shedload of money to be there count as a gift?  No.  However, you don’t have to be quite so generous.

If you are attending a second wedding, or a vows renewal, and you were at the original ceremony, you are not obliged to buy another gift.
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How much should guests spend?

This is a tricky one, with no hard and fast rules.  It rather depends on how close you are to the couple, how well off you and where the bar is being set by other guests.  Too little and you look tight, too much and you might appear OTT (and break the bank!).  If you read the research that has been conducted the average people spend is somewhere between £40 and £60.
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Honeymoon funds

Some couples suggest that instead of buying tangible stuff, like a coffeemaker or a personalised cheese board, guest put money towards the honeymoon.  This can be a great idea for couples who have been living together for a while and already have most of what they need in the way of household items.  

You might want to help people by itemising stuff associated with the honeymoon.  Depending on their means guests could buy you a pair of cocktails, treat you to a dinner, contribute to the flights, cover the car hire or shell out for scuba diving lessons.  
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Thank You cards

The happy couple should send these out within three months of the wedding – but certainly leave it no longer than six months.  It’s not only polite to do this but many guests will have had the gift sent direct from the provider so if you don’t thank them they’ll worry that you never got it in the first place!
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Anything else?

We hope you find this quick guide helpful.  It could be longer as there are a few aspects we’ve not covered.  Rather than try and answer every conceivable question here we suggest you give us a call if there’s something you’re still not sure about – the team here have a lot of experience they are more than happy to share.

Are you a groom that’s getting all hot under the collar about the speech you’ll have to give at the wedding breakfast?  Or are you a bride to be who’s nervous that your fiancé might make a mess of it?  Fear not – here are some quick tips to make sure everything goes swimmingly!  
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How to kick it off

The groom’s speech traditionally comes directly after the father of the bride’s speech – so an easy way to start is by complimenting him on his efforts.  
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Once you’ve done that don’t launch into a long and formal introduction to your speech.  In the next couple of lines try to get everyone laughing.  A great groom speech should, amongst other things, be entertaining and fun – and you want to set this tone as early as possible.  Get a few laughs early on and everyone will relax – including you!
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Don’t forget the main point

The groom’s speech is an opportunity to acknowledge what a big occasion this and to thank all those people who have played an important role in getting you to this point in your life.  It’s also an opportunity to talk about the person you have been lucky enough to marry and to pay your respects to her family and friends.  
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Jokes – do’s and don’ts

Your speech is a bit of a balancing act.  You have to do some important formal things, like thanking a number of key people and acknowledging the serious side of the occasion.  But you also have to amuse and entertain.

When telling jokes, or amusing stories, make sure they are appropriate – it’s not clever to embarrass anyone.  Also, if you try too hard to be funny this can backfire.  Amusing stories about how you met your wife, or funny things that happened to you before you met her, probably go down well (but don’t make them too long).  

It’s also good to throw in little asides that are timely and personal (but not too personal).  For instance, you could remark that your wife’s (yes, remember to refer to her as your wife – you are married now!) ‘prosecco posse’ have already started chatting up the bar staff and the fact that your mates look much better in suits than tight Lycra cycling gear.

Whilst your speech is not a chance to launch into a full stand-up comedy routine you should also beware of making it a dry and boring list of thank-yous.  Mix it up so there’s a balance of humour and sincere stuff.  
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Giving thanks

As already mentioned it’s the grooms job to thank the group and then pick out particular individuals or couples.  You should thank everyone for coming and helping to make it such a special day.  You should also thank your parents and the bride’s parents.  Next on the list is your best man and the ushers, along with the maid of honour and the bridesmaids.  
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Although you don’t want to make the number of thank-yous so long that you name-check half the guest list you must make sure you don’t miss anyone who has made a special contribution.  If your auntie has made a fantastic cake, uncle Derek has lent his vintage Bentley as the Bridal car or your new sister-in-law did the flowers then you need to acknowledge them.

When thanking parents and parents-in-law be sure to give them equal mention.  Some grooms fall into the trap of waxing lyrical about the latter for a full minute whilst giving their own parents just one sentence
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Don’t forget your wife(!)

Whilst making everyone laugh, and making sure you thank all the right people, you must not forget the most important person in your life – your new wife.  If you don’t make sufficient efforts in this direction you are inviting a heap of trouble.  Your wife, to say nothing of her family and friends, expect you to heap praise on her big time.  It’s a once-in-a lifetime opportunity to pile up a heap of brownie points…so don’t waste it!
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Having said that, don’t just settle for a string of clichés.  As well as complimenting her on how beautiful she looks on this most special of days you need to think hard about what makes her unique and all those quirky little things you particularly love about her.  She, and all those who also love her, are keenly watching and listening to check how well you understand her and appreciate what makes her so special.  Make it sincere, not cheesy!

Your objective is to make your new wife the star of the show so it’s best to get all the other stuff, the jokes, the stories and the thank-yous out of the way first then concentrate solely on your beloved and how much she means to you.
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It’s traditional that the groom’s speech ends with a toast to the bridesmaids and a nod to the best man.  However, this is maybe not the best idea.  Some advise that you toast the bridesmaids earlier, as you thank them, and then keep your final words for singing the praises of your wife.

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Don’t go on for too long

About eight minutes is the perfect length for a groom’s speech.  Any shorter and it may look like you have not taken it seriously enough.  Any longer and the guests’ attention will begin to wander.  That means eight minutes of actual talking with a couple of minutes for laughter, applause and heckles.

You also need to be aware that yours is not the only speech – you don’t want to come across as someone who likes the spotlight too much.  Don’t get too bogged down in detail (because half the audience won’t be following that closely anyway).  Recounting how you know each of the ushers individually, with a story too match, is “too much information”.  A word count of about 1,350 is about right.
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Coping with nerves

If you plan and prepare properly, and you are sure you have a great speech that ticks all the right boxes, then nerves should be less of an issue.  It’s important to practice and a good tip is to film yourself using your phone.  You can then see which aspects of your material, and your delivery, could use a bit more work or need tweaking.

Another tip is start with a big smile and a deep breath (and remember to keep taking big breaths and reminding yourself to keep that smile in place).
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The worst thing you can do is to go light on preparation and try to wing it – you’ll almost certainly crash and burn.  Dutch Courage (ie a hefty drink, or two) is also not the best advice.   Half a glass of bubbly might help but anything more is likely to do more harm than good.  You need a clear head, a good script and plenty of practice – not one too many glasses of wine and beer!
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You’ll be great – and we’re here to help

We hope you find these tips helpful and if there is any other aspect of your big day you are unsure about just give us a call.  The team here have organised a lot of wonderful weddings and we’re only too happy to share their experience, advice and inspiration.  Ask away!

 There has been a flurry of news stories recently about the fact that mixed-sex couples can now enter into a civil partnership rather than get married.  If you are confused about the difference between the two read on – this post will make it clear.  But that’s not all.  We also take a look at some of the more weird and wonderful ways that people tie the knot around the world.  
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What is a civil partnership?  

A civil partnership is a legally recognised arrangement between two people that provides many of the same benefits as a conventional marriage.  They enjoy the same rights as married couples in terms of tax benefits, pensions and inheritance.
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However, unlike a conventional marriage, there is no ceremony.  The process does not involve an exchange of vows or the singing of hymns.  It also takes place in front a registrar as opposed to a recognised religious leader, such as a vicar or a rabbi. Instead, the union is simply valid after both parties sign the civil partnership document.  This makes a civil partnership a desirable option for those who want to legally recognise their relationship but don’t align themselves with a particular religion, or who object to the fact that a traditional marriage is perceived as being steeped in patriarchal tradition, in which women are “given away” by their fathers and promise to “obey” their husbands.

In 2004 it became legal for same sex couples to enter into a civil partnership.  Ten years later same-sex couples were allowed to marry.  Since then many mixed-sex couples have been complained at the inequality of the situation – they also wanted to have the choice between a wedding and a civil partnership.  Their wish has finally been granted and a number of mixed-sex couples entered into civil partnerships in the last couple of days before the end of 2019.  It is estimated that around 84,000 mixed-sex couples could form civil partnerships in 2020.
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What, no reception?!

There’s nothing to say that those who enter into a civil partnership can’t have a party.  However, the whole point of this arrangement is to avoid any ceremony, and to keep things low-key – so the early indications are that those who go this “alternative” route will probably keep any celebrations relatively modest.  

One couple who were interviews in the Camden New Journal said “we are thinking of going to a local greasy spoon afterwards, maybe with some champagne.”  Another explained that “It’s doing something simply, without a fanfare. It’s a significant moment but at the same time it’s not something that requires opulence and materialism. We will eventually celebrate with a few friends on New Year’s Eve.”While there are many couples who will prefer this approach most will still see tying the knot as a great opportunity to celebrate their love in a very public way and then throw a terrific party.  That’s certainly the way most people, all around the world, and for thousands of years, have treated it.  And they have come up with some pretty inventive, dramatic and off-the-wall ways of making a big deal of the whole occasion.  There are too many to list here but we’ve just handpicked a few at random.
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 In China – see red and shoot the bride

China has more than its fair share of unusual (well, they seem unusual to us…) traditions.  It’s a big country, with a lot of ethnic and regional diversity, but these are some of the rituals you might come across.
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In Chinese culture, red symbolizes happiness, prosperity and good luck.  It is therefore Chinese tradition for the bride to wear a red dress, called a qipao and to cover her face with a red veil on the wedding day.  The typical Chinese wedding invitation is red, placed in a red envelope, and usually has gold, vertical wording read from right to left with the groom’s information presented first before the bride’s.
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Guests give red envelopes, called hóngbā, instead of gifts – but you stuff it with money.  The amount should cover your expenses at the wedding plus sufficient for a gift.  The closer your relationship to the couple the bigger the amount you gift.  In Chinese tradition, some numbers are considered luckier than others – a fact you must bear in mind.  Eight or nine are lucky, for is not.  So $88 is thought to bring good fortune.
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One strange tradition originates you sometimes see at a Chinese wedding originates from the Uyghur people of Xinjiang province on the country’s most western borders, The groom shoots his bride using a bow and three (blunt!) arrows.  He then collects the arrows and breaks them during the ceremony, to ensure their love lasts forever.
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Sawing logs and cleaning up?  I do!

In Germany, as we all know, efficiency is highly prized – and this is reflected in a couple of their wedding traditions.  Some newlyweds have their compatibility put to the test after the ceremony by being presented with a log – which they then to saw in half while their guests give advice and encouragement. The act is intended to showcase the bride and groom's ability to work together and face the obstacles that may come throughout their marriage.
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 Another tradition involves smashing crockery.  This is known as “Polterabend” and   on the night before the wedding the guests break porcelain to bring luck to the couple's marriage.  This usually takes place in front of the house occupied by the parents of the bride.  Custom dictates that the more shards of broken pottery, the better the luck that couple will have in their married life. After the craziness comes to an end, the couple cleans up the mess to show they can work well together.
   

Oops, the bride has been kidnapped!

In Romania they have some fun and games before the wedding by playing an abduction game.  The bride is kidnapped by friends, family, or hired entertainers, and the groom must come to her rescue and pay her ransom through drinks, money, or romantic gestures.
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This tradition is actually quite common across Europe, with versions in Russia, Germany and Wales.  In the Welsh version the best man takes the bride to the pub before the wedding, and the groom-to-be must find them and pick up the tab. Or the bride’s family run off with her just before the ceremony.  The groom and his family would set off in hot pursuit and, obviously, rescue the bride. One version of this custom declared that whoever actually freed the bride would themselves be married within the year.

A few more traditions from around the world

At a Guatemalan wedding reception, the mother of the groom breaks a white bell to welcome the newlyweds to the party. The bell, filled with flour, rice, and grains, is meant to bring luck and prosperity.

In Poland guests are invited to buy dances with the bride at the reception. Her maid of honour collects the cash and it all goes towards the couple's honeymoon.
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 In a traditional Indian wedding, the bride's sisters steal the groom’s shoes once he enters the wedding tent. The groom must then bribe the sisters to return them.

In some parts of Scotland they still practice “blackening”.  On the day before the wedding the unfortunate bride and groom are plied with alcohol then covered in soot, treacle, flour and feathers.  They are then paraded around the neighbourhood in a cart or pickup truck.  This was supposed to ward off evil spirits before a marriage.  
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Fun and games – we’re up for it

Whatever kind of ceremony and celebration you have planned we’d be delighted to host your big day.  We’ve very flexible and accommodating so even if you have some fairly off-the-wall ideas we should be able to make the occasion a wonderful one!

This beautiful same sex wedding this September creating an amazing experience for their guests even including a cabaret in the evening. The day was captured by Brad Wakefield. ‍

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Your wedding day is not called a “big day” for nothing – apart from being emotionally huge the sheer amount of planning, work and expense it involves makes the other major events in your life appear modest by comparison.  Inviting someone to attend the ceremony, the reception or both, is also a big deal – you’d expect them to be excited, flattered and honoured.  So it’s a bit disappointing when they don’t RSVP.  And shocking when they do accept…then either make a lame last-minute excuse or simply fail to turn up at all.  In this post we share some thoughts about how best to handle these situations.  
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Invitation tips

Don’t get so carried away with your theme, colours and design that the essential details “get lost in the mix”!  Traditionally, whoever is hosting is listed first on the invitation (that’s probably both sets of parents) followed by something along the lines of “invite you to celebrate the marriage of (insert your Christian names).  Then make sure you include the location of the wedding, the date and time, all relevant reception information, dress code and the RSVP details.

Don’t cram the card with too much information or decoration – less looks more elegant and means the most important stuff isn’t buried.  Things like directions to your wedding venue and reception can go on a separate enclosure and on your wedding website.

Send your save-the-dates notes eight to ten months before the wedding.  The invites themselves should go out around four to five months before the big day.  However, if the wedding and reception are happening abroad you’ll need to send the invites earlier as people will have to do more in the way getting themselves organised.

Include your RSVP information on the bottom right corner of your invitation or on a separate enclosure and make the deadline for replying no more than three or four weeks after guests receive the invitations.  The more time you give guests to reply, the more likely they are to forget!
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RSVP cards

In days gone by people would reply with a card or letter, either to accept or send their apologies.  If you prefer this traditional approach you can include an RSVP card that people can then return.  The card should include the following:

·         A blank line for the guests to fill out their names. Your guest will use this space to write in their name as well as the name(s) of a spouse, a date, or children who will also be attending the wedding. You will be relying on this information to create your final guest list and create table place cards.

·         The RSVP reply due date. Use a date three to four weeks before the wedding date.

·         The “will attend” line. Short and simple, this phrase can say anything along the lines of “Yes, I will attend your wedding.” These are the final people you add to your guest list.

·         The “unable to attend” line. Although disappointing, use this information to cut down your guest list and reduce your wedding expenses. (Blessing in disguise?)

·         Meal choices (so get your catering and menu sorted before you sent the invitations!)
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A more modern way to manage RSVPs

In today’s digital world you could ask people to reply by email and put everything on a spreadsheet but a lot of couples these days use a dedicated website – this makes it much easier to keep track of things for minimal effort.  

Here are some options you could check out:

RSVPify

It’s free and has all the features you need.   You can even embed their RSVP tool in your own personal wedding website.  You can also use RSVPify to invite and manage secondary events like a rehearsal dinner or bridal shower.

Appy Couple

This is an app that works for mobile devices in addition to the desktop website. Guests can download and use it for free.  The couple getting married have pay a one-time fee of £45 for a basic membership and a one-time fee of £145 for their luxury collection which gives you access to a few extra designs.  The big difference with this site is that you can add YouTube videos to your page.  There is also an instant messenger platform that can connect you with other users and guests.

AnRSVP

This is another free service but you can pay for additional features if you wish.  It gives you the option to add additional questions rather than the most basic ones – not just meal choices but what’s their favourite song or their accommodation selection.

Free RSVP

As the name suggests, it’s free.  Unlike many other free RSVP trackers you don’t need to provide any personal information when registering and you can create an unlimited guest list. You can send an invitation by e-mail and track the responses through the regular updates the site sends you.
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No RSVP?

If someone doesn’t respond you need to check - it's always possible that an invitation or reply card got lost in the post…or maybe they just have a lot going on in their life and simply let the small matter of a reply slip.  Some guests, especially younger ones, don't understand the importance of an RSVP.  Maybe their work schedule is irregular or they have a problem with transport.  

Either give them a call yourself, or perhaps ask the mother of the bride or maid of honour, to tactfully enquire whether their RSVP has been mislaid.
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What to do if someone is a no show?

It’s hard to believe that someone will RSVP to say they’ll attend then not attend – it does happen!  Sometimes people who fully intended to be there hit a last-minute problem and have the courtesy to tell you.  But it’s not uncommon to have a few guests who don’t turn up and don’t let you know either!.  This is incredibly upsetting and rude, made worse by the fact you’ve paid out for their dinner, drinks and the like.  

You can find stories online of brides who have billed guests who failed to show up.  These have triggered much debate on whether sending an invoice is an acceptable response – some think it equally rude to ask for the money but others have said such a response is entirely justified.  
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How many no shows can you expect?

Reading what brides have posted online it’s hard to come up with an average.  Some of the worst stories are from the states, where guests have to travel greater distances.

“My friend told me she had about 70 people rsvp yes, only to have 52 show up. That's a 25% no show rate!”

“We had 187 people RSVP yes and had 4 no shows.  We also had 2 wedding crashers and I'm sure they drank enough booze to make up for a few of the no shows.”

“We had 129 people confirm. We decided to pay for 130 just in case we needed a last minute seat. 24 freaking people decided to not show up and didn’t even bother to call or text to say anything.  UGH.”

This last one, however, is from London.

“8 out of 60 people just didn't turn up, which cost us a lot as each place cost approx £200!”
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It’s worse in Mexico!

Mexicans go in for big weddings.  At middle-class nuptials a guest list of 500 is not unusual.  But on the day the average no-show or late cancellation rate can be as high as 40%!  Partly that’s because, with such huge guest lists that many people get around two dozen invitations a year.  But culture also plays a part. Research suggests that while American guests like to break the bad news promptly, Mexicans tend to accept then make an excuse with a few hours to go, or just fail to show up.  Popular excuses are car crashes or nannies who let them down.  One bride’s best friend cancelled on the morning with a “new circumstances” message.
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This post from weddingwire.com paints the following picture of the typical Mexican wedding:

“Basically you can expect 20% of your guests to show up to your ceremony at church, there's no cocktail hour, then your guests trickle in over the next couple of hours and your caterer serves them dinner as they arrive. No one RSVPs and even worse, they'll bring a plus one or a couple friends because it's so casual like that...”
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More questions?  Just ask!

Hopefully this post gives you some ideas about how to handle the invites, RSVPs and no shows.  However, every wedding is different, so if you’d like to discuss the planning of yours just get in touch.  The team here have a wealth of experience they’re only too happy to share.

Planning a wedding seldom goes entirely smoothly.  No matter how well prepared you are there’s bound to be a situation (or two!) that gives you a serious dilemma.  In this post we cover some of the most common issues that can throw a spanner in the works and put you in a bit of a tight spot.
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I want it to be perfect – but it’s not!

This is a dilemma all brides struggle with.  On the one hand you want everything to be just right.  But on the other there comes a point where you realise that it’s probably best to “let it go”.  Your pink gown clashes with the orange aisle carpet in the church.  Your heart is set on a cake that’s ridiculously expensive.  Or the flower arrangements and table settings are not exactly as you’d imagined.  Do you get bent out of shape and go to ridiculous lengths sorting everything to your satisfaction?  Or do you get over it and refuse to let it spoil your big day?
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The fact is that lot of issues are only in your own head.  Nobody else is even going to notice!  Stop obsessing over perfect – that kind of attitude just sets you up from stress, arguments and disappointment.  
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How do we raise the issue of money?

Most couples struggle to talk through money issues with parents – but weddings make those discussions inevitable.  Best advice is to raise the subject sooner rather than later.   Ask if they are willing to help out.  If the answer is “yes” then clarify which part of the wedding they would like to contribute to.  Then make it clear that their contribution, however big or small, is greatly appreciated.
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Ooops, I’m pregnant!

It happens…  Apart from the dilemma about whether to share the happy news before the big day there’s the issue of the dress.  One option is to get a bespoke design to accommodate your bump.  If that’s too expensive then go for something off the peg that’s loose and floaty.  
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There are even some companies, like Tiffanyrose.com that specialise in affordable pregnancy gowns for the bride, her maids and guests. Pregnancy specialists Seraphine.com also have full-length lace styles and a large collection of occasion wear for anyone wanting to embrace colour.  Bridal designers Alice Temperley and Jenny Packham both have loose empire line dresses in light fabrics that will move with you and your bump.
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My dad isn’t here to walk me up the aisle – how do I handle that one?

What you really want to do is remember and honour him.  You’ll obviously have to get someone else to give you away.  You could walk down the aisle with your partner, a sister or with your bridesmaids.

However, you also want to remember and honour your father.  One option is place a beautiful bouquet of flowers where your father would have sat.   There’s a story of a bride who had her bouquet secured by her father’s wristwatch.  Another had one of her father’s Saville Row suits tailored to fit her.  You might also choose to remember him in your choice of readings or in the speeches.
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Everyone wants to come dress shopping…

This is a not uncommon situation – but one that needs handling carefully.  Best advice is to only take someone whose views you trust or who you know will have your best interests at heart.  

Your partner’s view counts as little, or as much, as you want – it’s up to you.  Some brides will discuss this matter, and different designs, at length with their fiancé.  But others don’t involve them at all – the dress is a total surprise to them.

Another tip – don’t let your uber-fashionable friend sway you one way or the other.  When buying any other dress the latest trends are important.  But your wedding dress needs to flatter you, it must be comfortable, it must photograph well and it needs to make you feel a hundred times yourself.  Forget being on-trend and concentrate on what works best for you.
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Does my fiancé’s sister have to be a bridesmaid?

It’s up to you.  There are plenty of other roles you could ask her to play.  The main thing is make sure she feels appreciated and included.  Maybe she’s a keen bake-off follower and would love to create your cake?  Perhaps she has an artistic streak and would love to help with the décor, the website design or the invites and stationery?  Or how about performing a reading at your ceremony?   The main thing is to keep her happy and on-side – therwise she’ll be bending the groom’s ear (or, worse still, the mother-in-laws).
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The parents are hijacking the guest list!

It’s your day… but you need be sensitive to the fact that proud and happy parents want to share the occasion with their friends.  Bearing this in mind try to get a good balance of guests from both sides of the family as well as your own closest friends.  Agree a total number and then allocate a certain number of invites to yourselves and your parents.
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Why can’t I find suppliers who share my vision?

You have a clear picture in your head of what you want.  But you can’t expect others to read your mind.  Whether you are briefing a hairdresser, a florist, a dress designer or a cake maker, try to show them images.  That way your ideas won’t be lost in translation.  Visit websites, cut photos out of wedding mags, download examples from pinterest.  You can even combine them on mood boards.  
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My Mum/Mother-in-law has decided she’s my wedding planner!

It’s a tricky one.  You’d like her involved – but don’t want her to totally take over what is supposed to be your big day.  On the other hand you don’t want to have a massive bust up.  One way to tackle this ids to give her one meaty task you know she’ll love. It needs to be something time consuming to keep her occupied.  Perhaps you could get her growing all the herbs for your guests’ favours?  Or compiling a list of all local hotels and B&Bs that she can personally recommend?   Perhaps interviewing a range of potential caterers and presenting you with a shortlist of her top three suggestions.  If she’s super keen get her to tackle all three!
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How do limit the number of plus-ones?

The simplest solution is to ditch them altogether.  When you send the invitations explain that your wedding will be an intimate celebration, allowing you to spend quality time with each guest, and for this reason you are only extending your invitations to partners you know really well.
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How do I tell friends they are evening-only?

As with the plus-ones dilemma above let your invitations do the work.  Make attendance times clear and give details of the fabulous party they have been invited to.  You could also include a note letting them know what other mutual friends will be coming to the party – this reassures people that they won’t be walking into a gathering of total strangers.
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Don’t be afraid to ask…

These are just a few of the common dilemmas that tend to come up when planning a wedding – but there are plenty more.  Should you make the day child-free, is it OK to invite an ex, how should you handle a situation where you feel your partner is not doing their bit?  We don’t have space here to cover every possible situation and question.  But if you want some extra advice and help just give our team a call – they have bags of experience and can almost certainly help you work it out in a way that makes everyone happy.

At the risk of sounding unromantic we have to acknowledge that marriage and money go together.  The average total cost of a wedding in 2019, according to Hitched Magazine’s National Wedding survey, was £31,974.  That includes everything from the engagement ring (average cost £2,419) to the honeymoon (average cost £4,645) and everything in between (wedding dress £1,313, food £3,887…).  In the past the parents of the bride traditionally picked up the tab for most of this.  But times are changing and most couples find they are forking out a lot of it themselves.  This has led some of the more enterprising to look at innovative ways to spread the cost.  In this post we share a few stories that you might find illuminating, amusing or downright shocking.  We’re not suggesting you try any of these strategies – just bringing you up to speed with some rather unusual trends that are turning the traditional ways of doing things on their head!
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Get your guests to chip in

When Ben Farina proposed to Clare Moran a couple of years ago he knew she’d be worried about how they could possibly manage to tie the knot in style.  So he drew up what he described as a “business model”.  

This involved suggesting to the 60 guests that they might like to contribute up to £150 each to attend.  He put it to them that the event would be like an all-inclusive three-night holiday at a luxurious venue in Derbyshire.  The media was quick to pick up on the story and he got a bit of stick for being cheeky and tight.

The guests, however, were all happy enough to pay, with Ben’s parents also stumping up extra for a hog roast on the wedding day. Clare’s stepdad, who is a chef, also offered to cook a roast dinner for everybody the day after.
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Sell exclusive rights to your wedding photographs

If you are a celeb you can do a deal with a magazine.  This means you not only avoid stumping up for your own photographer (average cost £1,155) but you can also raise a bit of extra cash to cover some of the other expenses.  What kind of money are we talking about?

Rumour has it that Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom banked $300,000 selling the exclusive rights to their wedding photos to OK! Magazine.

When Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz tied the knot in 2008, People magazine allegedly paid them a cool $1 million for their photos.

OK! beat out People magazine in a bidding war for the photos of Eva Longoria and Tony Parker’s wedding in 2007 to the tune of about $2 million.

Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas are not a couple to do things by halves and agreed a $2 million fee with OK! for their wedding photos. But while they were approving images Hello! magazine scooped them with grainy paparazzi pics. OK! sued and won their $2 million back. But together, the two magazines spent $16 million in legal fees.

$2 million seems to be the current going rate.  It’s what People paid Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon for exclusive rights to their wedding pics.
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An indecent proposal

Some couples are turning marriage into a marketing opportunity, soliciting sponsorships from luxury brands even before the question has been popped.

In June 2019 Marissa Casey Fuchs, a fashion influencer known on Instagram as @fashionambitionist, reposted a video, from her boyfriend Gabriel Grossman, with her 160,000-plus followers. In the video he professed his love and told her he was about to whisk her away on “an extraordinary adventure.”  “What is happening?” she asked, all innocence.

Over the next 48 hours they went on a scavenger hunt, orchestrated by Grossman, that took her from New York City to the Hamptons, then to Miami, followed by Paris. Along the way she was showered with dresses, luggage, jewellery and beauty treatments from brands whose names were featured prominently in her posts.  
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She also shared posts from excited fans. “There’s a surprise engagement wedding (no one really knows right now) happening on @fashionambitionist Stories this Tuesday and I am completely invested in it!” reads one Instagram user @geneelizabeth908. People, Elite Daily, and the Daily Mail all covered the drama as it unfolded. “Gabriel Grossman’s Instagram Story Proposal to Marissa Fuchs Is What Viral Dreams Are Made Of,” gushes Elite Daily. “Is this the most extravagant proposal EVER?” wondered the Daily Mail.  Ms Fuchs gained more than 20,000 followers in just a few days as she shared her delight and surprise.

Some of those watching the progress of the dream proposal, however, knew it was all meticulously planned marketing exercise.  Grossman had approached a number of companies and pitched the whole thing as “a brand opportunity”, including an hour by hour itinerary detailing the hotels, the restaurants, the opening of gifts and the posting of social media updates. After a couple of days the true story began to emerge and Ms Fuchs expressed tearful astonishment.  When it became obvious that further dissembling would merely invite increased ridicule she finally admitted that her now fiancée and a social media strategist had arranged the whole thing.
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Monetise your marriage

Just about everyone shares their wedding day photos on Instagram, usually from a dreamy honeymoon destination.  But many are also posting exhaustively up until that point – everything from their hen weekend to dress fittings and cake sampling to ring choosing.  If you are a celebrity, however, it’s not #love you’re tagging but #sponsored.
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When fashion influencer Chiara Ferragni and rapper Fedez (a.k.a Federico Leonardo Lucia) decided to tie the knot they missed no sponsorship opportunity - starting with the #sponsored plane from Alitalia to transport guests to the wedding location in Noto, Italy.   The three custom Dior dresses Ferragni wore over the wedding weekend were almost certainly gifted by the brand, along with an outfit by Prada,  wedding bands by Pomellato and cosmetics by Lancôme.  

Another celebrity couple not shy about climbing aboard the sponsored wedding bandwagon - Priyanka Chopra Jonas and Nick Jonas. Their wedding celebrations, stretching over several days we’re captured in regular posts that included links to sponsoring brands.  One particularly romantic image she posted of the happy couple turned out to be a sponsored post for Amazon’s wedding gift registry business.
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With this logo I the wed

Even those without a big media following are starting to think about marriage as a marketing opportunity.  You don’t have to look far on the internet to find stories about couples (one of whom probably works in social media) willing to advertise brands in return for cash or freebies.  
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Some brands might turn their nose up at this kind of approach.  But others are actively seeking couples to partner with.  KFC Australia has announced plans to launch fried chicken themed weddings, offering six couples the chance to have their special day catered by KFC for free.

The winners will get a full-on KFC wedding with freshly cooked Kentucky Fried Chicken for 200 guests, KFC decorations, a KFC themed celebrant, and even a photobooth to capture all those special memories. The chicken will be served in the classic buckets from a food truck, so perhaps not the fancy sit-down dinner your mother in law was hoping for!
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For love or money?

We understand that dream weddings can be expensive.  You could go down the sponsorship route but we can’t help feeling that this rather destroys the romance.  Much better in our book to set a sensible budget then work out how best to make the most of it.  Our experienced team can help you create a spectacular event without turning your magical day into a marketing stunt.  Get in touch and let’s talk through what you have planned.

We’ve all seen stories of outrageous wedding proposals – just lately there’s been a craze in Russia for hiring scary looking security forces personnel to hold the couple up at gunpoint and then find a ring hidden about the boyfriend’s person or in the back of their car.  Such capers are amusing and entertaining.  But if you, or your partner, are thinking of popping the question any time soon…how does this current trend make you or your other half feel?  More scared, probably.  

You, or they, are nervous enough already without having to think up some amazingly off-the-wall, unexpected, cute, scary or romantic way to wow the other into a “yes”.  To say nothing of planning the whole thing and stage managing it without screwing up.  No (added) pressure then!

In this post we share some common sense advice about a few of the things you should bear in mind.  That doesn’t mean you can’t do something wildly unexpected or hugely dramatic – just that you should also give some consideration to the following.
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Make it meaningful

If ever there was a moment when romance and sentimentality are appropriate then this is it - which is why proposals that scare the other half to death are probably not such a great idea!

You’ll want to find a situation that puts you both in the mood for love – you could pick a particular restaurant, activity or destination that you are both especially fond of or that holds special memories.  Another option is to find some way of incorporating a favourite song, film or book into your proposal plan.  Creatively draw on these special details to, well, make a special day even more so.  
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Asking the future in-laws

This is a rather dated tradition but asking the parents’ permission before popping the question is something you should weigh up carefully.  It’s no longer generally considered essential but some families might prefer that you did them the courtesy.  However, if you’ve already been living together for years then it’s kind of academic.  Then there’s the situation where you know the parents don’t approve of you…but your intended loves you anyway.  So the advice on this on is “it all rather depends…”!
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The ring is the thing

It’s unthinkable to propose without a ring.  But what if she doesn’t like the one you have picked out?  And what could be more romantic than choosing the ring together?  With this in mind you might want to buy her a “placeholder” ring that does the job temporarily before you set out, hand in hand, to settle on the real thing.  For instance you could buy a less expensive zirconia ring before choosing the one set with a genuine diamond.
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Get the timing right

Try to avoid a picking a moment when your future spouse is likely to be stressed or tired.  It’s probably not a great idea to pop the question just as she walks in the door after her spinning class – right now she just wants a shower!  Over lunch and just before she has to make a big presentation is also less than smart.  In the middle of a chilled out weekend when you are both fully relaxed makes much more sense.
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Public or private?

Proposing in front of a crowd, at a major sporting event or with the help of a flashmob may make for a great movie and get a lot of views on youtube.  But remember what this is about – your love for this person and desire to spend the rest of your life with them, not about an ego trip and getting your 15 minutes of fame.  And at what point does true romance become unwanted coercion?

Unless you are absolutely certain your intended would love being thrust into the spotlight in this way keep the occasion private and intimate.  They obviously adore being alone with you so you can’t go far wrong keeping everyone else out of it.
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Resist the temptation to be trendy

Today’s hottest new popup restaurant that everyone is talking about may be the perfect option for popping the question.  But what if, a few years later, you want to revisit and celebrate your anniversary?  Looking back you may be glad you chose a historical monument, an outdoor location or a setting that remains largely unchanged.  That way it’s easier to recall the memory and feelings even when you’re old and grey.
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Have a convincing cover story

You can’t tell your intended the real reason you’ve made reservations at an expensive restaurant, booked a weekend away at a boutique hotel or invited them to meet you at the top of The Shard…so you’ll have to make up a plausible decoy story that’ll put them on the wrong track.  Then, ta-dah, surprise, surprise!  So, “we’re meeting X & Y for dinner”, “I know you are really into Thomas Hardy novels so I’m taking you to this charming hotel in Wessex” or “I’ve got to go to a drinks reception in The Shard and partners can come too.”  You get the idea!
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Keep a lid on it

The fewer people know what’s going on the less chance that somebody will blow the surprise.  If you have to inform or involve others don’t tell them any more than they need to know.  Then, when they’ve said “yes”, you can share the news together – if half of them know already then it’s not so much fun.
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Dress for the occasion

We don’t mean get all dressed up.  Just make sure you are “well presented” and look the way your partner finds pleasing.  Also choose clothing with deep and secure pockets – you don’t want to lose that ring!
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Have a plan B

So, the idea is to propose on a beautiful deserted beach.  Or on the top of Mount Snowdon.  Or in a rowing boat on the Serpentine in Hyde Park.  But on the day it’s blowing a gale and lashing down with rain.  Make sure you have a couple of suitably romantic indoor options as a backup.  
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Don’t memorise a script

It’s not enough to just pop the question.  You have to tell them why they are the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with.  You’ve also got to give it some emotion!  Whatever words you choose, whether you remember the moment your eyes first met, the way you can’t bear to be apart from them or the way you laugh at each other’s jokes it has to come across as genuine, natural and heartfelt.  

Trying to memorise and deliver your lines like an actor is likely to come across all wrong.   Obviously you need to pick your words carefully but it’s best to have three key points you want to communicate – any more than that and chances are you’ll get yourself in a tangle.
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Share the news

If you haven’t already cleared the proposal with both sets of parents before popping the question and slipping the ring on her finger then they are the first who need to know.  Even if they were in the picture it’s probably courteous to let them know the outcome before you start broadcasting to the world.  Once the family know where things stand you can tell whoever you like!
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What next?

We hope you find these thoughts helpful – and good luck!  Once all the excitement has died down a bit you are probably going to start making wedding plans.  The team at Clevedon Hall is not short of experience in this department so if you have any questions just ask away – it’ll be less stressful than the other question you’ve just popped!

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People have been getting married for thousands of years (the first recorded wedding ceremony dates from about 2350 B.C. in Mesopotamia).  And over those four thousand years a body of best practice has emerged as couples have learnt, from experience, what worked well…and what didn’t!  In this post we share a few common mistakes that brides would do best to avoid.   If you want a fairy tale wedding read and take note!

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Please yourself

We go through life being told we mustn’t be selfish – but this is one occasion when (within limits…nobody likes a total Bridezilla!) you are allowed to indulge yourself.  Other people, from your parents to your in-laws, your friends to your relatives, are going to have certain expectations and opinions.  It’s diplomatic to hear them out but this is the biggest day of your life, not theirs, so don’t be unduly swayed by them.  

Likewise, don’t be overly concerned about stage managing an event that’s going to look great on Facebook and Instagram – concentrate on creating a great experience for those who are in the room rather than those who aren’t!  

Another thing - try not to think about your friends’ weddings and out-do them.  It’s a wedding, not a competition, and having a ceremony that’s perfect for you is far more important than anything else.  

So, if your happy place is a festival field then an overly formal wedding celebration is probably not for you.  But if you and your partner are more black-tie and ballroom then something casual and rustic-chic is best avoided!

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Avoid under-budgeting

You need to be realistic – weddings are expensive.  According to Hitched magazine’s National Wedding Survey the average total cost of a wedding in 2019 was £31,974.  Of course you can do it for less but the danger is that you optimistically assume you can come in way under this – only to discover half way through the process that you either have to find more money or scale things down a bit.  It’s no fun going into your big day with money worries or having to make do without some of the exciting extras you’d really set your heart on.    

To avoid this situation we’d advise having a contingency fund built into the finances - at least an extra 10% on top for forgotten or unforeseen costs. Trust us, there will be something you didn’t think about, and finding an extra £500 to pay the DJ or £1000 for evening food that you forgot you ordered the week before your wedding will be almost impossible.

Another useful tip is to get acquainted with Excel, or one of the many free wedding budget spreadsheets that are available, well before you start looking at dresses, venues and photography portfolios.

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Be sensible the night before

The idea of a warm-up session with your friends the night before your big day is probably appealing – but not wise.  Not only will you wake up feeling less than your absolute best but a puffy face and baggy eyes is not the look you want to achieve!  Much better to have a quiet night in and get a good night’s sleep.  Best to drink plenty of water, rather than alcohol, and go for something healthy and wholesome rather than pizza with Doritos and popcorn on the side!

Avoid putting glamour before comfort

Of course you want to look stunning.  But don’t squeeze yourself into a dress that causes you discomfort, or is too daring, just to impress (remember what we said earlier about being too influenced by Instagram).  Being in pain, or feeling awkward, can seriously spoil what should be an entirely magical experience.  Choose a dress that flatters your figure without being so tight or low-cut that you're constantly squirming or adjusting things.  Also consider flat shoes rather than high heels.  It’s a long day with a lot of time on your feet, followed by an evening of dancing – you don’t need blisters spoiling your memories!

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Resist the temptation to order your dress a size too small

Following on from the previous point it’s best to play safe.  If you regularly fluctuate by a dress size, and you know it won’t be a problem to drop a dress size between ordering your outfit and your wedding day, then go ahead.  However, we suggest you’re better off choosing a dress that suits you at your natural normal size rather than trying to alter your body to achieve a desired look.

It’s important to look and feel like yourself on your wedding day – you don’t want wedding photographs where you don’t recognise the bride!  And spending the last couple of weeks before your big day feeling miserable and hungry is a sure way to spoil the countdown.

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Don’t let someone talk you into a hairstyle that isn’t ‘you’

Again, beware of Instagram, Pinterest and other social media posts that feature hundreds of gorgeous, braiding up-dos, flower embellished halo braids and the like.  Do you usually wear your hair up?  If the answer is yes then it might be appropriate on this occasion too.  But if you don’t then it may not be such a great idea.  As with your dress it’s important you look and feel like yourself on your wedding day.  A completely unfamiliar style may make you feel slightly uncomfortable and this is not a good time to invite a bad hair day!

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Prepare for the unexpected

Even the best laid plan can be thrown into disarray – stuff just happens!  Whether it’s a wardrobe malfunction or a misbehaving child you need to plan for every eventuality.  

A few things you should probably consider:

·         Make sure every single child has an adult watching over them. Give clear instructions that the child (and adult!) can understand.

·         Ask the wedding party to arrive early so everyone is on station with time to spare.

·         Have a fully stocked first aid kit on the premises.

·         Make your photography and social media policy clear before people go snap happy and start posting pictures half way through the ceremony.  

·         If your wedding is in a church and some of your guests are unfamiliar with the religious protocols provide instruction or explanation so they won't be embarrassed or have awkward moments.

·         Have a box of tissues on every pew or row during the ceremony so guests can dab their eyes before their mascara starts to run.  

·         Nominate someone who is unlikely to drink a lot to keep an eye out for those who might drink a bit too much.  If they see someone who is starting to lose it they can have a discreet word with the bartender and generally monitor the situation so it does not end in tears (or worse).

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Don’t bet on good weather

Even if you are getting married in the height of summer it pays to be prepared for a bit (a lot?) of rain.  It’s smart to pick a venue which gives you the option of holding some of your event outdoors (photographs, al fresco drinks reception, barbecue, games for kids…including big ones!), but with plenty of appropriate spaces under cover in case the weather decides to dump on your big day.  

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Provide super clear and simple directions

This is especially important if your reception is in a different location to the ceremony.  Leave nothing to chance - print some detailed directions and include them in the invitation.  If you’ve got a website post them here as well.  Plus you can hand the directions out as people leave the ceremony.  Nothing puts a damper on things quite like people who arrive late and stressed because they got lost!

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Beware of overcomplicating things

If you’ve got the budget, the time and the inclination you really can go mad with little details to make your big day extra special.   But sweet individual favours and unique personalised table decorations, lovely and thoughtful as they may be, are not essential to your guests’ enjoyment. The chances are at least 50% of your guests will leave their favours behind (hello money-down-the-drain).  If your budget is tight you’re better off swapping decoration or favour money for some extra table wine – this will probably be more popular than organza chair sashes or little pots of jam with your initials on!

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Make time to talk to everyone

Although this is your special day it’s important to make every guest feel special too – and nothing does that quite like paying them some individual attention.  Obviously you’ll need to focus on members of the wedding party, and you’ll also want to socialise with your closest friends.  But you also need make the rounds of all the other guests to say a few words.  Thank everyone for sharing this special day and let them know how much it means to you for them to be there.

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Be prompt with the Thank You notes

No one expects you to write thank you notes during your honeymoon.  But you should make that a priority as soon as you return. The sooner you do it the less likely you are to get tied up with other things.  Doing it late is better than never but don’t leave it too long.  Who writes the notes?  Both of you.

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Anything else?

Organizing a wedding is a complicated and challenging project and there are bound to be things which, with hindsight, you could have done better.  Although this list could have been much longer (but we don’t want to overdo it) it probably covers the most common areas where people trip up.  We hope you find it useful but if you’d like to discuss your own particular wedding plans just get in touch – the experienced team at Clevedon Hall is only too happy to offer more expert advice.  

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