Trends, Tips, & Ideas For Your Next Big Event

 It’s traditional for wedding guests to give the bride and groom presents.  But what is the current etiquette surrounding this aspect of the occasion?  And what is the best way for the happy couple to organise this aspect of their big day?  In this post we share a few thoughts and tips that will hopefully make it easier for you and your guests to navigate what can potentially be a bit of a minefield – the do’s and don’ts of giving and receiving can get a little bewildering!
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A bit of history    

Wedding gifts originated from the notion of a bride price or dowry that was paid to the bride's family. It usually included land, animals, money, and other forms of historical wealth. The earliest record of such an arrangement was in 3,000 B.C.  

By the time of the Renaissance, some 4,500 years later, it became traditional for the bride to be presented with an ornate marriage chest. This would be filled with all the goods which she would then take to her new home.  This practice evolved into the ‘bottom drawer’ in which unmarried women would collect all the linens and things they would need to embark on married life.

As we approach the modern era it became customary for guests to give the bride anything they still lacked in the way of household essentials.  Things stepped up a gear in the early part of the last century.  In 1928 giant US retail store Macy’s introduced the idea of the wedding gift registry – and others were swift to follow suit.
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In those days most couples did not live together before tying the knot (heaven forbid!) and were fairly young.  That meant they lacked all those things, from pillow cases to saucepans and cutlery to tea cups, to ‘set up home’.  Times have changed and most couples have already got all those regular items well before he ‘makes an honest woman of her’ – so wedding registry list now lean towards luxury ‘nice to have’ stuff rather than the boring basics.
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Work out what you have already got  

Take some time with your partner and do a “stock check”.  Make a list of what both of you have already and want to keep.  Then make a list of what you still need and would like.  You might want to divide this second list into "everyday" and "formal" versions of dinnerware, glassware, table linens and serving items. It's also important to discuss general colour schemes or patterns before you go any further.
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Take your pick  

Picking a registry makes life easy for you and your guests.  There are so many to choose from that we aren’t going to list them here.  Just create one as soon as you get engaged.    

Having said that, one is not enough.  Ten, however, is too many.  Two to four registries give guests more choices, and it's a manageable number.  You might want to pick a couple of smaller registries you should also feature at least one big one like Amazon or John Lewis.    

Your choice should reflect your lifestyle, interests and tastes.  If you love camping and walking but have little interest in cooking and formal entertaining then you should register with an outdoor pursuits store rather than somewhere that offers upmarket cookware.  

Try to keep everyone happy  

The gifts are for you, so you’ll obviously want to list things that you and your partner would like (remember to do this together!).  Friends and family may make suggestions and they might have some good ones – but ultimately it’s about working out what you need and want, what is going to suit the kind of life and home you want to create together.

Having said that, register for a wide range of items.  That makes it easy for people to choose gifts within their means.  Some guests may have been intending on spending a relatively modest amount and you don’t want to embarrass them with a list where everything is crazy expensive.  Also include some traditional items for older relatives to choose and fun stuff for your mates to give you.
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Preparing the list

Don’t rush the list-making process – you may regret your choices if you are in too much of a hurry, or you might miss items that will be really useful but slip your mind.  Set aside plenty of time for searching, thinking and discussing.  

One tip is to start by signing up for essential items you really want – a new mattress, for instance.  Then, once these have been ticked off and the list is getting shorter, you can add more items.  That way you reduce the chances of getting a nice salad bowl but missing out on the wine glasses that you can’t do without!
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Make your registry list longer than your guest list.  Suppose a work colleague has left it to the last minute and the only thing left on the list costs £110 – you’ve really put them in an awkward spot!  With a long registry list you’ll have stuff left over but it’s a sure fire way to guarantee you’ll get most of what you want.
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How to let the guests know about your registry

You need to be a little bit discreet - coming straight out and asking your guests to buy you gifts is way too pushy!  Don’t include registry information on your wedding invitations – it’s more appropriate to let people know by word of mouth.  

Your registry information can also be listed on your engagement party and bridal shower invites.  That’s because the invitation doesn't come from you, but from the person hosting that event for on your behalf.  You can also share your registry information on your personalized wedding website.
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Is gift-giving obligatory?  

If you’re invited to the actual wedding ceremony then the answer is “yes” – no ifs, buts or exceptions.  Even if they said “no gifts” you give a gift!

If you’re invited to the evening reception, or a party after the actual ceremony has occurred, then it’s not obligatory - but many people do anyway.  

What if it’s a destination wedding – does the fact you’ve spent a shedload of money to be there count as a gift?  No.  However, you don’t have to be quite so generous.

If you are attending a second wedding, or a vows renewal, and you were at the original ceremony, you are not obliged to buy another gift.
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How much should guests spend?

This is a tricky one, with no hard and fast rules.  It rather depends on how close you are to the couple, how well off you and where the bar is being set by other guests.  Too little and you look tight, too much and you might appear OTT (and break the bank!).  If you read the research that has been conducted the average people spend is somewhere between £40 and £60.
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Honeymoon funds

Some couples suggest that instead of buying tangible stuff, like a coffeemaker or a personalised cheese board, guest put money towards the honeymoon.  This can be a great idea for couples who have been living together for a while and already have most of what they need in the way of household items.  

You might want to help people by itemising stuff associated with the honeymoon.  Depending on their means guests could buy you a pair of cocktails, treat you to a dinner, contribute to the flights, cover the car hire or shell out for scuba diving lessons.  
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Thank You cards

The happy couple should send these out within three months of the wedding – but certainly leave it no longer than six months.  It’s not only polite to do this but many guests will have had the gift sent direct from the provider so if you don’t thank them they’ll worry that you never got it in the first place!
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Anything else?

We hope you find this quick guide helpful.  It could be longer as there are a few aspects we’ve not covered.  Rather than try and answer every conceivable question here we suggest you give us a call if there’s something you’re still not sure about – the team here have a lot of experience they are more than happy to share.

Are you a groom that’s getting all hot under the collar about the speech you’ll have to give at the wedding breakfast?  Or are you a bride to be who’s nervous that your fiancé might make a mess of it?  Fear not – here are some quick tips to make sure everything goes swimmingly!  
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How to kick it off

The groom’s speech traditionally comes directly after the father of the bride’s speech – so an easy way to start is by complimenting him on his efforts.  
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Once you’ve done that don’t launch into a long and formal introduction to your speech.  In the next couple of lines try to get everyone laughing.  A great groom speech should, amongst other things, be entertaining and fun – and you want to set this tone as early as possible.  Get a few laughs early on and everyone will relax – including you!
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Don’t forget the main point

The groom’s speech is an opportunity to acknowledge what a big occasion this and to thank all those people who have played an important role in getting you to this point in your life.  It’s also an opportunity to talk about the person you have been lucky enough to marry and to pay your respects to her family and friends.  
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Jokes – do’s and don’ts

Your speech is a bit of a balancing act.  You have to do some important formal things, like thanking a number of key people and acknowledging the serious side of the occasion.  But you also have to amuse and entertain.

When telling jokes, or amusing stories, make sure they are appropriate – it’s not clever to embarrass anyone.  Also, if you try too hard to be funny this can backfire.  Amusing stories about how you met your wife, or funny things that happened to you before you met her, probably go down well (but don’t make them too long).  

It’s also good to throw in little asides that are timely and personal (but not too personal).  For instance, you could remark that your wife’s (yes, remember to refer to her as your wife – you are married now!) ‘prosecco posse’ have already started chatting up the bar staff and the fact that your mates look much better in suits than tight Lycra cycling gear.

Whilst your speech is not a chance to launch into a full stand-up comedy routine you should also beware of making it a dry and boring list of thank-yous.  Mix it up so there’s a balance of humour and sincere stuff.  
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Giving thanks

As already mentioned it’s the grooms job to thank the group and then pick out particular individuals or couples.  You should thank everyone for coming and helping to make it such a special day.  You should also thank your parents and the bride’s parents.  Next on the list is your best man and the ushers, along with the maid of honour and the bridesmaids.  
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Although you don’t want to make the number of thank-yous so long that you name-check half the guest list you must make sure you don’t miss anyone who has made a special contribution.  If your auntie has made a fantastic cake, uncle Derek has lent his vintage Bentley as the Bridal car or your new sister-in-law did the flowers then you need to acknowledge them.

When thanking parents and parents-in-law be sure to give them equal mention.  Some grooms fall into the trap of waxing lyrical about the latter for a full minute whilst giving their own parents just one sentence
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Don’t forget your wife(!)

Whilst making everyone laugh, and making sure you thank all the right people, you must not forget the most important person in your life – your new wife.  If you don’t make sufficient efforts in this direction you are inviting a heap of trouble.  Your wife, to say nothing of her family and friends, expect you to heap praise on her big time.  It’s a once-in-a lifetime opportunity to pile up a heap of brownie points…so don’t waste it!
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Having said that, don’t just settle for a string of clichés.  As well as complimenting her on how beautiful she looks on this most special of days you need to think hard about what makes her unique and all those quirky little things you particularly love about her.  She, and all those who also love her, are keenly watching and listening to check how well you understand her and appreciate what makes her so special.  Make it sincere, not cheesy!

Your objective is to make your new wife the star of the show so it’s best to get all the other stuff, the jokes, the stories and the thank-yous out of the way first then concentrate solely on your beloved and how much she means to you.
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It’s traditional that the groom’s speech ends with a toast to the bridesmaids and a nod to the best man.  However, this is maybe not the best idea.  Some advise that you toast the bridesmaids earlier, as you thank them, and then keep your final words for singing the praises of your wife.

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Don’t go on for too long

About eight minutes is the perfect length for a groom’s speech.  Any shorter and it may look like you have not taken it seriously enough.  Any longer and the guests’ attention will begin to wander.  That means eight minutes of actual talking with a couple of minutes for laughter, applause and heckles.

You also need to be aware that yours is not the only speech – you don’t want to come across as someone who likes the spotlight too much.  Don’t get too bogged down in detail (because half the audience won’t be following that closely anyway).  Recounting how you know each of the ushers individually, with a story too match, is “too much information”.  A word count of about 1,350 is about right.
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Coping with nerves

If you plan and prepare properly, and you are sure you have a great speech that ticks all the right boxes, then nerves should be less of an issue.  It’s important to practice and a good tip is to film yourself using your phone.  You can then see which aspects of your material, and your delivery, could use a bit more work or need tweaking.

Another tip is start with a big smile and a deep breath (and remember to keep taking big breaths and reminding yourself to keep that smile in place).
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The worst thing you can do is to go light on preparation and try to wing it – you’ll almost certainly crash and burn.  Dutch Courage (ie a hefty drink, or two) is also not the best advice.   Half a glass of bubbly might help but anything more is likely to do more harm than good.  You need a clear head, a good script and plenty of practice – not one too many glasses of wine and beer!
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You’ll be great – and we’re here to help

We hope you find these tips helpful and if there is any other aspect of your big day you are unsure about just give us a call.  The team here have organised a lot of wonderful weddings and we’re only too happy to share their experience, advice and inspiration.  Ask away!

 There has been a flurry of news stories recently about the fact that mixed-sex couples can now enter into a civil partnership rather than get married.  If you are confused about the difference between the two read on – this post will make it clear.  But that’s not all.  We also take a look at some of the more weird and wonderful ways that people tie the knot around the world.  
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What is a civil partnership?  

A civil partnership is a legally recognised arrangement between two people that provides many of the same benefits as a conventional marriage.  They enjoy the same rights as married couples in terms of tax benefits, pensions and inheritance.
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However, unlike a conventional marriage, there is no ceremony.  The process does not involve an exchange of vows or the singing of hymns.  It also takes place in front a registrar as opposed to a recognised religious leader, such as a vicar or a rabbi. Instead, the union is simply valid after both parties sign the civil partnership document.  This makes a civil partnership a desirable option for those who want to legally recognise their relationship but don’t align themselves with a particular religion, or who object to the fact that a traditional marriage is perceived as being steeped in patriarchal tradition, in which women are “given away” by their fathers and promise to “obey” their husbands.

In 2004 it became legal for same sex couples to enter into a civil partnership.  Ten years later same-sex couples were allowed to marry.  Since then many mixed-sex couples have been complained at the inequality of the situation – they also wanted to have the choice between a wedding and a civil partnership.  Their wish has finally been granted and a number of mixed-sex couples entered into civil partnerships in the last couple of days before the end of 2019.  It is estimated that around 84,000 mixed-sex couples could form civil partnerships in 2020.
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What, no reception?!

There’s nothing to say that those who enter into a civil partnership can’t have a party.  However, the whole point of this arrangement is to avoid any ceremony, and to keep things low-key – so the early indications are that those who go this “alternative” route will probably keep any celebrations relatively modest.  

One couple who were interviews in the Camden New Journal said “we are thinking of going to a local greasy spoon afterwards, maybe with some champagne.”  Another explained that “It’s doing something simply, without a fanfare. It’s a significant moment but at the same time it’s not something that requires opulence and materialism. We will eventually celebrate with a few friends on New Year’s Eve.”While there are many couples who will prefer this approach most will still see tying the knot as a great opportunity to celebrate their love in a very public way and then throw a terrific party.  That’s certainly the way most people, all around the world, and for thousands of years, have treated it.  And they have come up with some pretty inventive, dramatic and off-the-wall ways of making a big deal of the whole occasion.  There are too many to list here but we’ve just handpicked a few at random.
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 In China – see red and shoot the bride

China has more than its fair share of unusual (well, they seem unusual to us…) traditions.  It’s a big country, with a lot of ethnic and regional diversity, but these are some of the rituals you might come across.
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In Chinese culture, red symbolizes happiness, prosperity and good luck.  It is therefore Chinese tradition for the bride to wear a red dress, called a qipao and to cover her face with a red veil on the wedding day.  The typical Chinese wedding invitation is red, placed in a red envelope, and usually has gold, vertical wording read from right to left with the groom’s information presented first before the bride’s.
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Guests give red envelopes, called hóngbā, instead of gifts – but you stuff it with money.  The amount should cover your expenses at the wedding plus sufficient for a gift.  The closer your relationship to the couple the bigger the amount you gift.  In Chinese tradition, some numbers are considered luckier than others – a fact you must bear in mind.  Eight or nine are lucky, for is not.  So $88 is thought to bring good fortune.
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One strange tradition originates you sometimes see at a Chinese wedding originates from the Uyghur people of Xinjiang province on the country’s most western borders, The groom shoots his bride using a bow and three (blunt!) arrows.  He then collects the arrows and breaks them during the ceremony, to ensure their love lasts forever.
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Sawing logs and cleaning up?  I do!

In Germany, as we all know, efficiency is highly prized – and this is reflected in a couple of their wedding traditions.  Some newlyweds have their compatibility put to the test after the ceremony by being presented with a log – which they then to saw in half while their guests give advice and encouragement. The act is intended to showcase the bride and groom's ability to work together and face the obstacles that may come throughout their marriage.
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 Another tradition involves smashing crockery.  This is known as “Polterabend” and   on the night before the wedding the guests break porcelain to bring luck to the couple's marriage.  This usually takes place in front of the house occupied by the parents of the bride.  Custom dictates that the more shards of broken pottery, the better the luck that couple will have in their married life. After the craziness comes to an end, the couple cleans up the mess to show they can work well together.
   

Oops, the bride has been kidnapped!

In Romania they have some fun and games before the wedding by playing an abduction game.  The bride is kidnapped by friends, family, or hired entertainers, and the groom must come to her rescue and pay her ransom through drinks, money, or romantic gestures.
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This tradition is actually quite common across Europe, with versions in Russia, Germany and Wales.  In the Welsh version the best man takes the bride to the pub before the wedding, and the groom-to-be must find them and pick up the tab. Or the bride’s family run off with her just before the ceremony.  The groom and his family would set off in hot pursuit and, obviously, rescue the bride. One version of this custom declared that whoever actually freed the bride would themselves be married within the year.

A few more traditions from around the world

At a Guatemalan wedding reception, the mother of the groom breaks a white bell to welcome the newlyweds to the party. The bell, filled with flour, rice, and grains, is meant to bring luck and prosperity.

In Poland guests are invited to buy dances with the bride at the reception. Her maid of honour collects the cash and it all goes towards the couple's honeymoon.
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 In a traditional Indian wedding, the bride's sisters steal the groom’s shoes once he enters the wedding tent. The groom must then bribe the sisters to return them.

In some parts of Scotland they still practice “blackening”.  On the day before the wedding the unfortunate bride and groom are plied with alcohol then covered in soot, treacle, flour and feathers.  They are then paraded around the neighbourhood in a cart or pickup truck.  This was supposed to ward off evil spirits before a marriage.  
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Fun and games – we’re up for it

Whatever kind of ceremony and celebration you have planned we’d be delighted to host your big day.  We’ve very flexible and accommodating so even if you have some fairly off-the-wall ideas we should be able to make the occasion a wonderful one!

This beautiful same sex wedding this September creating an amazing experience for their guests even including a cabaret in the evening. The day was captured by Brad Wakefield. ‍

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Your wedding day is not called a “big day” for nothing – apart from being emotionally huge the sheer amount of planning, work and expense it involves makes the other major events in your life appear modest by comparison.  Inviting someone to attend the ceremony, the reception or both, is also a big deal – you’d expect them to be excited, flattered and honoured.  So it’s a bit disappointing when they don’t RSVP.  And shocking when they do accept…then either make a lame last-minute excuse or simply fail to turn up at all.  In this post we share some thoughts about how best to handle these situations.  
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Invitation tips

Don’t get so carried away with your theme, colours and design that the essential details “get lost in the mix”!  Traditionally, whoever is hosting is listed first on the invitation (that’s probably both sets of parents) followed by something along the lines of “invite you to celebrate the marriage of (insert your Christian names).  Then make sure you include the location of the wedding, the date and time, all relevant reception information, dress code and the RSVP details.

Don’t cram the card with too much information or decoration – less looks more elegant and means the most important stuff isn’t buried.  Things like directions to your wedding venue and reception can go on a separate enclosure and on your wedding website.

Send your save-the-dates notes eight to ten months before the wedding.  The invites themselves should go out around four to five months before the big day.  However, if the wedding and reception are happening abroad you’ll need to send the invites earlier as people will have to do more in the way getting themselves organised.

Include your RSVP information on the bottom right corner of your invitation or on a separate enclosure and make the deadline for replying no more than three or four weeks after guests receive the invitations.  The more time you give guests to reply, the more likely they are to forget!
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RSVP cards

In days gone by people would reply with a card or letter, either to accept or send their apologies.  If you prefer this traditional approach you can include an RSVP card that people can then return.  The card should include the following:

·         A blank line for the guests to fill out their names. Your guest will use this space to write in their name as well as the name(s) of a spouse, a date, or children who will also be attending the wedding. You will be relying on this information to create your final guest list and create table place cards.

·         The RSVP reply due date. Use a date three to four weeks before the wedding date.

·         The “will attend” line. Short and simple, this phrase can say anything along the lines of “Yes, I will attend your wedding.” These are the final people you add to your guest list.

·         The “unable to attend” line. Although disappointing, use this information to cut down your guest list and reduce your wedding expenses. (Blessing in disguise?)

·         Meal choices (so get your catering and menu sorted before you sent the invitations!)
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A more modern way to manage RSVPs

In today’s digital world you could ask people to reply by email and put everything on a spreadsheet but a lot of couples these days use a dedicated website – this makes it much easier to keep track of things for minimal effort.  

Here are some options you could check out:

RSVPify

It’s free and has all the features you need.   You can even embed their RSVP tool in your own personal wedding website.  You can also use RSVPify to invite and manage secondary events like a rehearsal dinner or bridal shower.

Appy Couple

This is an app that works for mobile devices in addition to the desktop website. Guests can download and use it for free.  The couple getting married have pay a one-time fee of £45 for a basic membership and a one-time fee of £145 for their luxury collection which gives you access to a few extra designs.  The big difference with this site is that you can add YouTube videos to your page.  There is also an instant messenger platform that can connect you with other users and guests.

AnRSVP

This is another free service but you can pay for additional features if you wish.  It gives you the option to add additional questions rather than the most basic ones – not just meal choices but what’s their favourite song or their accommodation selection.

Free RSVP

As the name suggests, it’s free.  Unlike many other free RSVP trackers you don’t need to provide any personal information when registering and you can create an unlimited guest list. You can send an invitation by e-mail and track the responses through the regular updates the site sends you.
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No RSVP?

If someone doesn’t respond you need to check - it's always possible that an invitation or reply card got lost in the post…or maybe they just have a lot going on in their life and simply let the small matter of a reply slip.  Some guests, especially younger ones, don't understand the importance of an RSVP.  Maybe their work schedule is irregular or they have a problem with transport.  

Either give them a call yourself, or perhaps ask the mother of the bride or maid of honour, to tactfully enquire whether their RSVP has been mislaid.
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What to do if someone is a no show?

It’s hard to believe that someone will RSVP to say they’ll attend then not attend – it does happen!  Sometimes people who fully intended to be there hit a last-minute problem and have the courtesy to tell you.  But it’s not uncommon to have a few guests who don’t turn up and don’t let you know either!.  This is incredibly upsetting and rude, made worse by the fact you’ve paid out for their dinner, drinks and the like.  

You can find stories online of brides who have billed guests who failed to show up.  These have triggered much debate on whether sending an invoice is an acceptable response – some think it equally rude to ask for the money but others have said such a response is entirely justified.  
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How many no shows can you expect?

Reading what brides have posted online it’s hard to come up with an average.  Some of the worst stories are from the states, where guests have to travel greater distances.

“My friend told me she had about 70 people rsvp yes, only to have 52 show up. That's a 25% no show rate!”

“We had 187 people RSVP yes and had 4 no shows.  We also had 2 wedding crashers and I'm sure they drank enough booze to make up for a few of the no shows.”

“We had 129 people confirm. We decided to pay for 130 just in case we needed a last minute seat. 24 freaking people decided to not show up and didn’t even bother to call or text to say anything.  UGH.”

This last one, however, is from London.

“8 out of 60 people just didn't turn up, which cost us a lot as each place cost approx £200!”
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It’s worse in Mexico!

Mexicans go in for big weddings.  At middle-class nuptials a guest list of 500 is not unusual.  But on the day the average no-show or late cancellation rate can be as high as 40%!  Partly that’s because, with such huge guest lists that many people get around two dozen invitations a year.  But culture also plays a part. Research suggests that while American guests like to break the bad news promptly, Mexicans tend to accept then make an excuse with a few hours to go, or just fail to show up.  Popular excuses are car crashes or nannies who let them down.  One bride’s best friend cancelled on the morning with a “new circumstances” message.
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This post from weddingwire.com paints the following picture of the typical Mexican wedding:

“Basically you can expect 20% of your guests to show up to your ceremony at church, there's no cocktail hour, then your guests trickle in over the next couple of hours and your caterer serves them dinner as they arrive. No one RSVPs and even worse, they'll bring a plus one or a couple friends because it's so casual like that...”
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More questions?  Just ask!

Hopefully this post gives you some ideas about how to handle the invites, RSVPs and no shows.  However, every wedding is different, so if you’d like to discuss the planning of yours just get in touch.  The team here have a wealth of experience they’re only too happy to share.

Planning a wedding seldom goes entirely smoothly.  No matter how well prepared you are there’s bound to be a situation (or two!) that gives you a serious dilemma.  In this post we cover some of the most common issues that can throw a spanner in the works and put you in a bit of a tight spot.
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I want it to be perfect – but it’s not!

This is a dilemma all brides struggle with.  On the one hand you want everything to be just right.  But on the other there comes a point where you realise that it’s probably best to “let it go”.  Your pink gown clashes with the orange aisle carpet in the church.  Your heart is set on a cake that’s ridiculously expensive.  Or the flower arrangements and table settings are not exactly as you’d imagined.  Do you get bent out of shape and go to ridiculous lengths sorting everything to your satisfaction?  Or do you get over it and refuse to let it spoil your big day?
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The fact is that lot of issues are only in your own head.  Nobody else is even going to notice!  Stop obsessing over perfect – that kind of attitude just sets you up from stress, arguments and disappointment.  
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How do we raise the issue of money?

Most couples struggle to talk through money issues with parents – but weddings make those discussions inevitable.  Best advice is to raise the subject sooner rather than later.   Ask if they are willing to help out.  If the answer is “yes” then clarify which part of the wedding they would like to contribute to.  Then make it clear that their contribution, however big or small, is greatly appreciated.
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Ooops, I’m pregnant!

It happens…  Apart from the dilemma about whether to share the happy news before the big day there’s the issue of the dress.  One option is to get a bespoke design to accommodate your bump.  If that’s too expensive then go for something off the peg that’s loose and floaty.  
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There are even some companies, like Tiffanyrose.com that specialise in affordable pregnancy gowns for the bride, her maids and guests. Pregnancy specialists Seraphine.com also have full-length lace styles and a large collection of occasion wear for anyone wanting to embrace colour.  Bridal designers Alice Temperley and Jenny Packham both have loose empire line dresses in light fabrics that will move with you and your bump.
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My dad isn’t here to walk me up the aisle – how do I handle that one?

What you really want to do is remember and honour him.  You’ll obviously have to get someone else to give you away.  You could walk down the aisle with your partner, a sister or with your bridesmaids.

However, you also want to remember and honour your father.  One option is place a beautiful bouquet of flowers where your father would have sat.   There’s a story of a bride who had her bouquet secured by her father’s wristwatch.  Another had one of her father’s Saville Row suits tailored to fit her.  You might also choose to remember him in your choice of readings or in the speeches.
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Everyone wants to come dress shopping…

This is a not uncommon situation – but one that needs handling carefully.  Best advice is to only take someone whose views you trust or who you know will have your best interests at heart.  

Your partner’s view counts as little, or as much, as you want – it’s up to you.  Some brides will discuss this matter, and different designs, at length with their fiancé.  But others don’t involve them at all – the dress is a total surprise to them.

Another tip – don’t let your uber-fashionable friend sway you one way or the other.  When buying any other dress the latest trends are important.  But your wedding dress needs to flatter you, it must be comfortable, it must photograph well and it needs to make you feel a hundred times yourself.  Forget being on-trend and concentrate on what works best for you.
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Does my fiancé’s sister have to be a bridesmaid?

It’s up to you.  There are plenty of other roles you could ask her to play.  The main thing is make sure she feels appreciated and included.  Maybe she’s a keen bake-off follower and would love to create your cake?  Perhaps she has an artistic streak and would love to help with the décor, the website design or the invites and stationery?  Or how about performing a reading at your ceremony?   The main thing is to keep her happy and on-side – therwise she’ll be bending the groom’s ear (or, worse still, the mother-in-laws).
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The parents are hijacking the guest list!

It’s your day… but you need be sensitive to the fact that proud and happy parents want to share the occasion with their friends.  Bearing this in mind try to get a good balance of guests from both sides of the family as well as your own closest friends.  Agree a total number and then allocate a certain number of invites to yourselves and your parents.
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Why can’t I find suppliers who share my vision?

You have a clear picture in your head of what you want.  But you can’t expect others to read your mind.  Whether you are briefing a hairdresser, a florist, a dress designer or a cake maker, try to show them images.  That way your ideas won’t be lost in translation.  Visit websites, cut photos out of wedding mags, download examples from pinterest.  You can even combine them on mood boards.  
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My Mum/Mother-in-law has decided she’s my wedding planner!

It’s a tricky one.  You’d like her involved – but don’t want her to totally take over what is supposed to be your big day.  On the other hand you don’t want to have a massive bust up.  One way to tackle this ids to give her one meaty task you know she’ll love. It needs to be something time consuming to keep her occupied.  Perhaps you could get her growing all the herbs for your guests’ favours?  Or compiling a list of all local hotels and B&Bs that she can personally recommend?   Perhaps interviewing a range of potential caterers and presenting you with a shortlist of her top three suggestions.  If she’s super keen get her to tackle all three!
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How do limit the number of plus-ones?

The simplest solution is to ditch them altogether.  When you send the invitations explain that your wedding will be an intimate celebration, allowing you to spend quality time with each guest, and for this reason you are only extending your invitations to partners you know really well.
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How do I tell friends they are evening-only?

As with the plus-ones dilemma above let your invitations do the work.  Make attendance times clear and give details of the fabulous party they have been invited to.  You could also include a note letting them know what other mutual friends will be coming to the party – this reassures people that they won’t be walking into a gathering of total strangers.
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Don’t be afraid to ask…

These are just a few of the common dilemmas that tend to come up when planning a wedding – but there are plenty more.  Should you make the day child-free, is it OK to invite an ex, how should you handle a situation where you feel your partner is not doing their bit?  We don’t have space here to cover every possible situation and question.  But if you want some extra advice and help just give our team a call – they have bags of experience and can almost certainly help you work it out in a way that makes everyone happy.

At the risk of sounding unromantic we have to acknowledge that marriage and money go together.  The average total cost of a wedding in 2019, according to Hitched Magazine’s National Wedding survey, was £31,974.  That includes everything from the engagement ring (average cost £2,419) to the honeymoon (average cost £4,645) and everything in between (wedding dress £1,313, food £3,887…).  In the past the parents of the bride traditionally picked up the tab for most of this.  But times are changing and most couples find they are forking out a lot of it themselves.  This has led some of the more enterprising to look at innovative ways to spread the cost.  In this post we share a few stories that you might find illuminating, amusing or downright shocking.  We’re not suggesting you try any of these strategies – just bringing you up to speed with some rather unusual trends that are turning the traditional ways of doing things on their head!
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Get your guests to chip in

When Ben Farina proposed to Clare Moran a couple of years ago he knew she’d be worried about how they could possibly manage to tie the knot in style.  So he drew up what he described as a “business model”.  

This involved suggesting to the 60 guests that they might like to contribute up to £150 each to attend.  He put it to them that the event would be like an all-inclusive three-night holiday at a luxurious venue in Derbyshire.  The media was quick to pick up on the story and he got a bit of stick for being cheeky and tight.

The guests, however, were all happy enough to pay, with Ben’s parents also stumping up extra for a hog roast on the wedding day. Clare’s stepdad, who is a chef, also offered to cook a roast dinner for everybody the day after.
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Sell exclusive rights to your wedding photographs

If you are a celeb you can do a deal with a magazine.  This means you not only avoid stumping up for your own photographer (average cost £1,155) but you can also raise a bit of extra cash to cover some of the other expenses.  What kind of money are we talking about?

Rumour has it that Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom banked $300,000 selling the exclusive rights to their wedding photos to OK! Magazine.

When Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz tied the knot in 2008, People magazine allegedly paid them a cool $1 million for their photos.

OK! beat out People magazine in a bidding war for the photos of Eva Longoria and Tony Parker’s wedding in 2007 to the tune of about $2 million.

Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas are not a couple to do things by halves and agreed a $2 million fee with OK! for their wedding photos. But while they were approving images Hello! magazine scooped them with grainy paparazzi pics. OK! sued and won their $2 million back. But together, the two magazines spent $16 million in legal fees.

$2 million seems to be the current going rate.  It’s what People paid Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon for exclusive rights to their wedding pics.
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An indecent proposal

Some couples are turning marriage into a marketing opportunity, soliciting sponsorships from luxury brands even before the question has been popped.

In June 2019 Marissa Casey Fuchs, a fashion influencer known on Instagram as @fashionambitionist, reposted a video, from her boyfriend Gabriel Grossman, with her 160,000-plus followers. In the video he professed his love and told her he was about to whisk her away on “an extraordinary adventure.”  “What is happening?” she asked, all innocence.

Over the next 48 hours they went on a scavenger hunt, orchestrated by Grossman, that took her from New York City to the Hamptons, then to Miami, followed by Paris. Along the way she was showered with dresses, luggage, jewellery and beauty treatments from brands whose names were featured prominently in her posts.  
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She also shared posts from excited fans. “There’s a surprise engagement wedding (no one really knows right now) happening on @fashionambitionist Stories this Tuesday and I am completely invested in it!” reads one Instagram user @geneelizabeth908. People, Elite Daily, and the Daily Mail all covered the drama as it unfolded. “Gabriel Grossman’s Instagram Story Proposal to Marissa Fuchs Is What Viral Dreams Are Made Of,” gushes Elite Daily. “Is this the most extravagant proposal EVER?” wondered the Daily Mail.  Ms Fuchs gained more than 20,000 followers in just a few days as she shared her delight and surprise.

Some of those watching the progress of the dream proposal, however, knew it was all meticulously planned marketing exercise.  Grossman had approached a number of companies and pitched the whole thing as “a brand opportunity”, including an hour by hour itinerary detailing the hotels, the restaurants, the opening of gifts and the posting of social media updates. After a couple of days the true story began to emerge and Ms Fuchs expressed tearful astonishment.  When it became obvious that further dissembling would merely invite increased ridicule she finally admitted that her now fiancée and a social media strategist had arranged the whole thing.
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Monetise your marriage

Just about everyone shares their wedding day photos on Instagram, usually from a dreamy honeymoon destination.  But many are also posting exhaustively up until that point – everything from their hen weekend to dress fittings and cake sampling to ring choosing.  If you are a celebrity, however, it’s not #love you’re tagging but #sponsored.
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When fashion influencer Chiara Ferragni and rapper Fedez (a.k.a Federico Leonardo Lucia) decided to tie the knot they missed no sponsorship opportunity - starting with the #sponsored plane from Alitalia to transport guests to the wedding location in Noto, Italy.   The three custom Dior dresses Ferragni wore over the wedding weekend were almost certainly gifted by the brand, along with an outfit by Prada,  wedding bands by Pomellato and cosmetics by Lancôme.  

Another celebrity couple not shy about climbing aboard the sponsored wedding bandwagon - Priyanka Chopra Jonas and Nick Jonas. Their wedding celebrations, stretching over several days we’re captured in regular posts that included links to sponsoring brands.  One particularly romantic image she posted of the happy couple turned out to be a sponsored post for Amazon’s wedding gift registry business.
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With this logo I the wed

Even those without a big media following are starting to think about marriage as a marketing opportunity.  You don’t have to look far on the internet to find stories about couples (one of whom probably works in social media) willing to advertise brands in return for cash or freebies.  
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Some brands might turn their nose up at this kind of approach.  But others are actively seeking couples to partner with.  KFC Australia has announced plans to launch fried chicken themed weddings, offering six couples the chance to have their special day catered by KFC for free.

The winners will get a full-on KFC wedding with freshly cooked Kentucky Fried Chicken for 200 guests, KFC decorations, a KFC themed celebrant, and even a photobooth to capture all those special memories. The chicken will be served in the classic buckets from a food truck, so perhaps not the fancy sit-down dinner your mother in law was hoping for!
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For love or money?

We understand that dream weddings can be expensive.  You could go down the sponsorship route but we can’t help feeling that this rather destroys the romance.  Much better in our book to set a sensible budget then work out how best to make the most of it.  Our experienced team can help you create a spectacular event without turning your magical day into a marketing stunt.  Get in touch and let’s talk through what you have planned.

We’ve all seen stories of outrageous wedding proposals – just lately there’s been a craze in Russia for hiring scary looking security forces personnel to hold the couple up at gunpoint and then find a ring hidden about the boyfriend’s person or in the back of their car.  Such capers are amusing and entertaining.  But if you, or your partner, are thinking of popping the question any time soon…how does this current trend make you or your other half feel?  More scared, probably.  

You, or they, are nervous enough already without having to think up some amazingly off-the-wall, unexpected, cute, scary or romantic way to wow the other into a “yes”.  To say nothing of planning the whole thing and stage managing it without screwing up.  No (added) pressure then!

In this post we share some common sense advice about a few of the things you should bear in mind.  That doesn’t mean you can’t do something wildly unexpected or hugely dramatic – just that you should also give some consideration to the following.
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Make it meaningful

If ever there was a moment when romance and sentimentality are appropriate then this is it - which is why proposals that scare the other half to death are probably not such a great idea!

You’ll want to find a situation that puts you both in the mood for love – you could pick a particular restaurant, activity or destination that you are both especially fond of or that holds special memories.  Another option is to find some way of incorporating a favourite song, film or book into your proposal plan.  Creatively draw on these special details to, well, make a special day even more so.  
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Asking the future in-laws

This is a rather dated tradition but asking the parents’ permission before popping the question is something you should weigh up carefully.  It’s no longer generally considered essential but some families might prefer that you did them the courtesy.  However, if you’ve already been living together for years then it’s kind of academic.  Then there’s the situation where you know the parents don’t approve of you…but your intended loves you anyway.  So the advice on this on is “it all rather depends…”!
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The ring is the thing

It’s unthinkable to propose without a ring.  But what if she doesn’t like the one you have picked out?  And what could be more romantic than choosing the ring together?  With this in mind you might want to buy her a “placeholder” ring that does the job temporarily before you set out, hand in hand, to settle on the real thing.  For instance you could buy a less expensive zirconia ring before choosing the one set with a genuine diamond.
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Get the timing right

Try to avoid a picking a moment when your future spouse is likely to be stressed or tired.  It’s probably not a great idea to pop the question just as she walks in the door after her spinning class – right now she just wants a shower!  Over lunch and just before she has to make a big presentation is also less than smart.  In the middle of a chilled out weekend when you are both fully relaxed makes much more sense.
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Public or private?

Proposing in front of a crowd, at a major sporting event or with the help of a flashmob may make for a great movie and get a lot of views on youtube.  But remember what this is about – your love for this person and desire to spend the rest of your life with them, not about an ego trip and getting your 15 minutes of fame.  And at what point does true romance become unwanted coercion?

Unless you are absolutely certain your intended would love being thrust into the spotlight in this way keep the occasion private and intimate.  They obviously adore being alone with you so you can’t go far wrong keeping everyone else out of it.
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Resist the temptation to be trendy

Today’s hottest new popup restaurant that everyone is talking about may be the perfect option for popping the question.  But what if, a few years later, you want to revisit and celebrate your anniversary?  Looking back you may be glad you chose a historical monument, an outdoor location or a setting that remains largely unchanged.  That way it’s easier to recall the memory and feelings even when you’re old and grey.
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Have a convincing cover story

You can’t tell your intended the real reason you’ve made reservations at an expensive restaurant, booked a weekend away at a boutique hotel or invited them to meet you at the top of The Shard…so you’ll have to make up a plausible decoy story that’ll put them on the wrong track.  Then, ta-dah, surprise, surprise!  So, “we’re meeting X & Y for dinner”, “I know you are really into Thomas Hardy novels so I’m taking you to this charming hotel in Wessex” or “I’ve got to go to a drinks reception in The Shard and partners can come too.”  You get the idea!
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Keep a lid on it

The fewer people know what’s going on the less chance that somebody will blow the surprise.  If you have to inform or involve others don’t tell them any more than they need to know.  Then, when they’ve said “yes”, you can share the news together – if half of them know already then it’s not so much fun.
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Dress for the occasion

We don’t mean get all dressed up.  Just make sure you are “well presented” and look the way your partner finds pleasing.  Also choose clothing with deep and secure pockets – you don’t want to lose that ring!
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Have a plan B

So, the idea is to propose on a beautiful deserted beach.  Or on the top of Mount Snowdon.  Or in a rowing boat on the Serpentine in Hyde Park.  But on the day it’s blowing a gale and lashing down with rain.  Make sure you have a couple of suitably romantic indoor options as a backup.  
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Don’t memorise a script

It’s not enough to just pop the question.  You have to tell them why they are the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with.  You’ve also got to give it some emotion!  Whatever words you choose, whether you remember the moment your eyes first met, the way you can’t bear to be apart from them or the way you laugh at each other’s jokes it has to come across as genuine, natural and heartfelt.  

Trying to memorise and deliver your lines like an actor is likely to come across all wrong.   Obviously you need to pick your words carefully but it’s best to have three key points you want to communicate – any more than that and chances are you’ll get yourself in a tangle.
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Share the news

If you haven’t already cleared the proposal with both sets of parents before popping the question and slipping the ring on her finger then they are the first who need to know.  Even if they were in the picture it’s probably courteous to let them know the outcome before you start broadcasting to the world.  Once the family know where things stand you can tell whoever you like!
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What next?

We hope you find these thoughts helpful – and good luck!  Once all the excitement has died down a bit you are probably going to start making wedding plans.  The team at Clevedon Hall is not short of experience in this department so if you have any questions just ask away – it’ll be less stressful than the other question you’ve just popped!

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People have been getting married for thousands of years (the first recorded wedding ceremony dates from about 2350 B.C. in Mesopotamia).  And over those four thousand years a body of best practice has emerged as couples have learnt, from experience, what worked well…and what didn’t!  In this post we share a few common mistakes that brides would do best to avoid.   If you want a fairy tale wedding read and take note!

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Please yourself

We go through life being told we mustn’t be selfish – but this is one occasion when (within limits…nobody likes a total Bridezilla!) you are allowed to indulge yourself.  Other people, from your parents to your in-laws, your friends to your relatives, are going to have certain expectations and opinions.  It’s diplomatic to hear them out but this is the biggest day of your life, not theirs, so don’t be unduly swayed by them.  

Likewise, don’t be overly concerned about stage managing an event that’s going to look great on Facebook and Instagram – concentrate on creating a great experience for those who are in the room rather than those who aren’t!  

Another thing - try not to think about your friends’ weddings and out-do them.  It’s a wedding, not a competition, and having a ceremony that’s perfect for you is far more important than anything else.  

So, if your happy place is a festival field then an overly formal wedding celebration is probably not for you.  But if you and your partner are more black-tie and ballroom then something casual and rustic-chic is best avoided!

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Avoid under-budgeting

You need to be realistic – weddings are expensive.  According to Hitched magazine’s National Wedding Survey the average total cost of a wedding in 2019 was £31,974.  Of course you can do it for less but the danger is that you optimistically assume you can come in way under this – only to discover half way through the process that you either have to find more money or scale things down a bit.  It’s no fun going into your big day with money worries or having to make do without some of the exciting extras you’d really set your heart on.    

To avoid this situation we’d advise having a contingency fund built into the finances - at least an extra 10% on top for forgotten or unforeseen costs. Trust us, there will be something you didn’t think about, and finding an extra £500 to pay the DJ or £1000 for evening food that you forgot you ordered the week before your wedding will be almost impossible.

Another useful tip is to get acquainted with Excel, or one of the many free wedding budget spreadsheets that are available, well before you start looking at dresses, venues and photography portfolios.

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Be sensible the night before

The idea of a warm-up session with your friends the night before your big day is probably appealing – but not wise.  Not only will you wake up feeling less than your absolute best but a puffy face and baggy eyes is not the look you want to achieve!  Much better to have a quiet night in and get a good night’s sleep.  Best to drink plenty of water, rather than alcohol, and go for something healthy and wholesome rather than pizza with Doritos and popcorn on the side!

Avoid putting glamour before comfort

Of course you want to look stunning.  But don’t squeeze yourself into a dress that causes you discomfort, or is too daring, just to impress (remember what we said earlier about being too influenced by Instagram).  Being in pain, or feeling awkward, can seriously spoil what should be an entirely magical experience.  Choose a dress that flatters your figure without being so tight or low-cut that you're constantly squirming or adjusting things.  Also consider flat shoes rather than high heels.  It’s a long day with a lot of time on your feet, followed by an evening of dancing – you don’t need blisters spoiling your memories!

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Resist the temptation to order your dress a size too small

Following on from the previous point it’s best to play safe.  If you regularly fluctuate by a dress size, and you know it won’t be a problem to drop a dress size between ordering your outfit and your wedding day, then go ahead.  However, we suggest you’re better off choosing a dress that suits you at your natural normal size rather than trying to alter your body to achieve a desired look.

It’s important to look and feel like yourself on your wedding day – you don’t want wedding photographs where you don’t recognise the bride!  And spending the last couple of weeks before your big day feeling miserable and hungry is a sure way to spoil the countdown.

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Don’t let someone talk you into a hairstyle that isn’t ‘you’

Again, beware of Instagram, Pinterest and other social media posts that feature hundreds of gorgeous, braiding up-dos, flower embellished halo braids and the like.  Do you usually wear your hair up?  If the answer is yes then it might be appropriate on this occasion too.  But if you don’t then it may not be such a great idea.  As with your dress it’s important you look and feel like yourself on your wedding day.  A completely unfamiliar style may make you feel slightly uncomfortable and this is not a good time to invite a bad hair day!

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Prepare for the unexpected

Even the best laid plan can be thrown into disarray – stuff just happens!  Whether it’s a wardrobe malfunction or a misbehaving child you need to plan for every eventuality.  

A few things you should probably consider:

·         Make sure every single child has an adult watching over them. Give clear instructions that the child (and adult!) can understand.

·         Ask the wedding party to arrive early so everyone is on station with time to spare.

·         Have a fully stocked first aid kit on the premises.

·         Make your photography and social media policy clear before people go snap happy and start posting pictures half way through the ceremony.  

·         If your wedding is in a church and some of your guests are unfamiliar with the religious protocols provide instruction or explanation so they won't be embarrassed or have awkward moments.

·         Have a box of tissues on every pew or row during the ceremony so guests can dab their eyes before their mascara starts to run.  

·         Nominate someone who is unlikely to drink a lot to keep an eye out for those who might drink a bit too much.  If they see someone who is starting to lose it they can have a discreet word with the bartender and generally monitor the situation so it does not end in tears (or worse).

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Don’t bet on good weather

Even if you are getting married in the height of summer it pays to be prepared for a bit (a lot?) of rain.  It’s smart to pick a venue which gives you the option of holding some of your event outdoors (photographs, al fresco drinks reception, barbecue, games for kids…including big ones!), but with plenty of appropriate spaces under cover in case the weather decides to dump on your big day.  

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Provide super clear and simple directions

This is especially important if your reception is in a different location to the ceremony.  Leave nothing to chance - print some detailed directions and include them in the invitation.  If you’ve got a website post them here as well.  Plus you can hand the directions out as people leave the ceremony.  Nothing puts a damper on things quite like people who arrive late and stressed because they got lost!

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Beware of overcomplicating things

If you’ve got the budget, the time and the inclination you really can go mad with little details to make your big day extra special.   But sweet individual favours and unique personalised table decorations, lovely and thoughtful as they may be, are not essential to your guests’ enjoyment. The chances are at least 50% of your guests will leave their favours behind (hello money-down-the-drain).  If your budget is tight you’re better off swapping decoration or favour money for some extra table wine – this will probably be more popular than organza chair sashes or little pots of jam with your initials on!

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Make time to talk to everyone

Although this is your special day it’s important to make every guest feel special too – and nothing does that quite like paying them some individual attention.  Obviously you’ll need to focus on members of the wedding party, and you’ll also want to socialise with your closest friends.  But you also need make the rounds of all the other guests to say a few words.  Thank everyone for sharing this special day and let them know how much it means to you for them to be there.

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Be prompt with the Thank You notes

No one expects you to write thank you notes during your honeymoon.  But you should make that a priority as soon as you return. The sooner you do it the less likely you are to get tied up with other things.  Doing it late is better than never but don’t leave it too long.  Who writes the notes?  Both of you.

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Anything else?

Organizing a wedding is a complicated and challenging project and there are bound to be things which, with hindsight, you could have done better.  Although this list could have been much longer (but we don’t want to overdo it) it probably covers the most common areas where people trip up.  We hope you find it useful but if you’d like to discuss your own particular wedding plans just get in touch – the experienced team at Clevedon Hall is only too happy to offer more expert advice.  

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About 250,000 couples get married every year in England and Wales – and about 40% of those, 100,000 of them, are doing it for the second or even third time.  This raises a number of questions – if you don’t ask them yourselves you’ll have no shortage of helpful people asking (and answering!) them for you.  Planning a second wedding can feel like tiptoeing through an etiquette minefield and running the gauntlet of friends and family with opinions on what is or isn't appropriate.  In this article we share a few thoughts you will hopefully find helpful.

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You are free to choose

First or second time around there’s no big difference in terms of practical details, logistics and planning – you’ll have to sort the same stuff, from invitations to the dress, the venue to the flowers, the ceremony to the catering.

You can, however, ring the changes a little, a lot or not at all.  You might do things exactly the same as last time.  Having said that, you probably don't want a play-by-play of your first wedding – it may bring back unwelcome memories and is not the best way to mark a new beginning.

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Most couples opt to do things very differently and seize the opportunity to create an event that’s totally fresh and unique.  The fact is that there are few restrictions and faux pas to avoid.  And looking on the positive side you are now a little older, wiser and experienced so you’ll probably feel more confident about going with your own ideas rather than indulging pushy family and friends.

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Announcing Your Engagement

Your children should be the first to know and they need to hear it direct from you.  Discuss with them who is going to tell their other parent/your ex.  They might want to communicate the news themselves or they might prefer you to do it.  

If you don’t have children it is not mandatory to inform your previous spouse.  You might decide, however, that it is better that they hear it from you rather than someone else.  The best way to tell them is probably in the form of a letter or email Afterward, announce your engagement in the regular way.

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Involving Children in a Second Wedding

If you and your new intended have children you probably want to make them a special part of the celebrations.  Of course a lot depends on their ages but they may be a flower girl, ring bearer, junior bridesmaid or groomsman, or even the best man or maid of honour.  They might like to read something during the ceremony or make a special toast during the reception. Whatever is discussed and decided make sure they are comfortable their role.

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Reception inspiration

Should your celebrations, and the venue, be more modest and understated simply because you’ve done it all once before?  No!  This is a fresh start so forget any comparisons with the previous event so don’t let the past limit you in any way.  If you want a super-formal extravaganza in a ballroom, or a casual rustic affair in a woodland, it’s your day and you are free to do it your way.  

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Your first wedding may have been heavily influenced by one or more of your relatives and you may have gone along with their wishes just to make them happy.  This is your chance to have the wedding you really wanted back then!

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Dress decorum

In years gone by a pristine white dress was the preserve of the virginal bride and a no-no for those tying the knot a second time.  That old rule, like so much else, has become entirely passé and you can wear white whether it's your second, third or even fourth marriage!

Most brides getting remarried have already had their "princess in a white dress" moment the first time around, and so opt for a more mature look such as a brocade suit or a simple cocktail dress.  The most important thing is to pick a style that suits your personality, figure, and the nature of the wedding.

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The only hard and fast rule is don't wear the dress you wore the first time around. You might be tempted by the prospect of saving a few pounds and avoiding the stress of dress shopping, but resist!  Your old wedding dress comes with too many memories and you want the focus to be on the new chapter in your life that is now unfolding.   We'd even suggest looking at dresses in a different style, silhouette, or fabric than your first wedding gown to avoid any feelings of fashion déjà vu. Ideas for what to wear to a second wedding might include:

·         A designer, non-wedding dress in any colour

·         A slightly non-traditional wedding dress in blush, pale blue, or one that features a colourful pattern

·         A demure suit in any colour

·         A flirty cocktail dress

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Bank of Mum and Dad

Your parents probably contributed heavily to your first wedding but don't assume they’ll be quite so generous this time around.  If you know they are keen to contribute, or they are particularly well off, then by all means accept any offer of assistance graciously.  In most instances couple getting hitched for a second time cover the costs themselves.  

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Church ceremony?

Don’t count on being able to walk down the aisle a second time.  The more strict your particular religion the less likely they’ll welcome you back for a re-run.  The Roman Catholic Church doesn't recognize divorce, for instance.  If you encounter this kind of problem you’ll have to exchange vows at the reception venue or another nondenominational location.

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Guests bearing gifts

Don’t expect guests to give you wedding gifts, especially if they attended your first wedding.  The giving of gifts was traditionally to help a young couple set up their first home and you and your intended have probably got more kitchen appliances and towel sets than you need already.  

However, despite this, the giving of gifts is becoming more common for second weddings, at least where family and close friends are concerned.  One way to resolve any awkwardness about gift giving is to register with a favourite charity and give guests the option of making a donation.

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Bridesmaids?

You can have bridesmaids if you want, even if they're the same women who were in your original bridal party.  When it comes to their dresses don’t ask them to push the boat out too far.  If you can afford it, you might want to pay for their gowns, or if not, at least give them more freedom to choose styles they can actually wear again.

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Invite the ex?

Even though you may still be on good terms it is unadvisable to have your previous partner to join the party or ceremony.  Other guests may feel uncomfortable, especially your new spouse's family.  What’s more, emotions run high at weddings, everybody has lots to drink, and despite everyone’s best intentions words can be exchanged and misunderstandings arise – best to keep your ex well out of the way!

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Get in touch if you have a question

Even if you’ve tied the knot before there will probably a few things you are not sure about.  The team here are only too happy to help in any way we can so ask away!

We recently hosted the fabulous Liz and Dave for their special wedding here at Clevedon Hall with the whole day being captured by the great Nick Church Photography.

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How confident do you feel about organising your own wedding?  Even if you intend your big day to be a relatively modest affair there’s an awful lot of decisions to take, things to organise and expenses to manage.  And if you have a grander occasion in mind things are going to become considerably more complicated, more demanding and more expensive.  Is it any wonder then that an increasing number of couples are hiring a professional wedding planner to help them manage the process from beginning to end?

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Wedding planners are not just for the few

We all know that no self-respecting celebrity or royal would dream of tying the knot without a wedding planner to do all the organisational heavy lifting, style directing, vendor negotiating, crisis managing and general sorting.  But me - surely a wedding planner is a bit out of my league…to say nothing of beyond my budget?!

That might have been true in the years gone by but times are changing – wedding planners are no longer the exclusive preserve of A-listers or wealthy bridezillas.  Recent research conducted by The Knot magazine indicates that 26% of couples in the US hired a professional wedding planner in 2015, up from just 19% in 2010.

Why is that?  Possibly because weddings are becoming more elaborate affairs and because life is getting more-full on and faster paced – two factors that put more pressure on couples to get extra help from a professional planner.

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Should I hire a wedding planner?

If you love the idea of project managing your own wedding and are confident that you have the time, the organisational ability and the necessary support from family and friends then go for it.  If, however, you really don’t have a clue where to start and are worried that it might all get too much and take the shine off your big day then maybe, just maybe, you should think about getting some extra help from an experienced professional.  Here are some factors you need to weigh up before coming to a final decision.

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Time and availability.  On average it can take about 250 hours to plan your wedding.  If you both work full time and have a lot of commitments already then hiring a planner might be a necessity.  Are you only available to meet vendors at the weekend?  Can you take calls and have discuss details while you are in the office?

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Ready-made support network.  Do you have plenty of outside help - an involved mother-of-the-bride, capable bridesmaids, knowledgeable friends, family members who are creative and have lots of skills that might come in useful?

On a tight schedule or worried you are falling behind.  Have you decided on a short engagement and need to get things done in a bit of a hurry?  Is it all proving a bit more challenging than you thought, your ‘To Do’ list is getting longer by the day and time is getting worryingly tight?

You are having some personality issues with parents and other family members.  Perhaps you need someone independent to step in and just move things forward without it getting too stressful and emotional?

You have a clear picture of what you want.  But do you struggle with decision making, attention to detail, negotiations and budgeting, checklists and deadlines?

You really have no idea what you want.  Do you feel overwhelmed by the sheer number of choices available to you, the whole idea of organising something so big and complicated is stressing you out already and elopement seems an increasingly attractive option?!  

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Will my budget stretch to include a wedding planner?

Every experienced and professional wedding planner will charge slightly differently but on the whole most UK wedding planners will want between 10 – 15% of your total budget spend to fully plan your wedding, with a minimum fee applicable.  Minimum fees generally start at around £3000.  So if your budget is £10,000 the cost will actually be 30%.  Also, the minimum fee could be higher than that.

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Wedding planning options

One important thing to bear in mind is kind of obvious…but worth spelling out.  You need to be absolutely clear what that fee covers.  In general there are three possible options:

·         Full Wedding Planning.  Comprehensive service that probably includes pretty much everything – sourcing and booking venue and all suppliers, attending all meetings with you, sorting all the admin (or ‘wedmin’ as it is known in the industry), and pulling all the details into a schedule with costs and timelines.  Managing everything on the day so you can totally relax and enjoy it to the max. Be sure to ask if there are any items which they don’t include in the service - many planners won’t include the cost of the rings and wedding dress in the budget when calculating your fee.  

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·         Partial Wedding Planning.  Ideal if you start the planning yourself but then realise you need some help.  For instance, you might have booked your venue but then feel overwhelmed at the thought of sourcing all your suppliers.  Or your circumstances might change and you suddenly find you have less spare time.  This option allows you to bring in a planner at any stage to pick up where you left off.  They will assess what is left to do and base their price on the amount of work this will need.  This service is usually comes at a fixed price, rather than a percentage – expect to pay anything upwards of £1500.

·         Wedding Day Management.  As the title suggests, you have sorted everything yourself but just want to free yourself up on the day itself.  This is ideal if have hired a ‘dry hire’ venue where nothing is provided apart from the space – for instance, you set up a marquee in a field or you book a barn and have to bring in all your suppliers, set up a bar and goodness know what else for yourself and co-ordinate it all with no help from venue staff.  It’s worth pointing out that Full and Partial Planning include Wedding Day Managements in their price.

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Book a venue with a team to support you

Hiring a wedding planner is not essential – but bearing in mind all the points above you might find it appropriate.  Another option, and one that is still the most popular by far, is to choose a venue with an experienced team to help you.  

If you book a wedding at Clevedon Hall you probably don’t need the additional expense of a wedding planner.  A lot of resources are included – full catering, drinks, bar, 25 luxurious bedrooms, a cottage for bride and groom and much more.  You also have your own dedicated Wedding Manager, a dedicated Events Manager and a Master of Ceremonies.  Together they will help you with much of the planning and recommend trusted local suppliers who are most appropriate to your needs.  On the day our events team will manage and co-ordinate things and act as master of ceremonies so you can just relax, enjoy the moment and focus on your guests.  

If you want to hire your own wedding planner as well then that’s fine – and we do occasionally host weddings in partnership with planners.  However, the resources, experience and people we provide you with means a planner is not really necessary.

Hopefully this post answers most of your general questions about whether you need a wedding planner or not.  But if you have some more specific queries than just get in touch – we love talking weddings!

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People have been getting married for thousands of years – and over that time different cultures have developed different traditions.   Etiquette is what those traditions dictate – it’s “what’s typically expected”.  

You might be the kind of couple that likes the idea of conforming.  Or you might be sort that feels rules, unwritten or otherwise, are there to be broken.  Either way it’s useful to know, in advance, what the form is.  So in this post we pick some common etiquette questions that regularly pop up so you are aware of the social norms.

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Does the groom have to ask the dad’s permission before popping the question?

Traditionally, yes.  However, this is based on the idea that the woman is the ‘property’ of her family, which is slightly outdated (slightly?!).  None the less this tradition still persists.  You might upset your future father-in-law very early in the relationship if you ignore this one.  On the other hand you may upset your future wife if you ask her dad first.  Welcome to the tricky world of families, relationships and cultural complications.  You are going to have to use your judgement on this one.

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Is there a right and wrong way to announce your engagement?

Traditionally the bride’s father would announce your forthcoming nuptials in a good quality newspaper.  Now the norm is to spread the news yourself on social media.  However, you might upset close family and friends if you don’t tell them personally before you broadcast your happy news to the world at large.  A word of warning to those close friends and family – don’t congratulate the couple on social media until they have posted the news themselves.  

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Who traditionally pays for what when you get married?

Money is always a sensitive topic and different families tend to have different attitudes – so this can be a minefield.  Check our earlier blog post for details on how things are traditionally handled.

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Is a free bar the norm?

Most couples, and their families, have to keep a close eye on the budget – and most guest will understand that.  Typically you’ll be expected to pay for all the drinks up until the evening reception starts.  In other words you’ll provide the post-ceremony drinks reception and the wine throughout dinner but from there on you ask guests to pay their own way.  Having said that you could consider providing a very limited selection of free drinks in the evening – perhaps a couple of kegs of beer and a box of draught cider.

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Can we invite someone to the Hen or Stag do but not the wedding?

Technically yes, but in practice a very bad idea.   Anyone you invite to either of these events will expect to be included in the main event.

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What’s the etiquette with inviting partners?

The usual form is to invite long term partners.  Weddings are expensive so you don’t want to be paying for people neither of you know – you could invite just partners that you have met and are on friendly terms with.   Having said that, be consistent – if that’s your decision for one couple it has to go for all of them.  On a slightly different tack, what about the traditional idea that single guests are given a “plus one” invite?  That idea is probably past its sell by date – most singles will expect to come on their own.

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Are we obliged to invite friends of our parents?

Tricky question and you need to tread carefully.  Depends on whether the parents are going OTT with the invites or just limiting it to a handful of their closest mates.  If it’s going to break the budget then it’s time for a little chat.  However, if mum and dad are footing the bill then you don’t have a leg to stand on!

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Who is the invite from?

Traditionally the bride’s parents are the ones who invite the guests and the invitation is worded accordingly.  Today most couples dispense with this slightly quaint practice and word the invitation from themselves.

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How to handle guests who fail to RSVP?

Although getting someone to formally RSVP in writing, or at least by email, may seem a bit harsh it will avoid embarrassing misunderstandings.  The invite or response may have got lost in the post, they might think they’ve replied when they haven’t, people are really busy and get confused.  Best think to do is politely check with them.  Otherwise you could have some empty places or, even worse, nowhere for them to sit – either way feelings are going to get hurt.

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How should guests dress?

You can stipulate a dress code on the invitation and etiquette suggests guests should respect that.  But what should guests do if appropriate attire is not specified?  Play it safe and dress formally.  Unless the invite says dress is casual then  jeans, even smart ones, are almost certainly not acceptable.  Women should not dress in white, or ivory – that’s for the bride and bride alone.

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Do guests have to bring or buy a gift?

Unless otherwise directed the answer is yes.  Even if the invite says “no gifts” you might like to politely ignore this and give them something inexpensive but thoughtful anyway.  If there’s a gift list try to stick to that but if everything is outside your budget think about a unique gift you think they’d like – it’s the thought that counts.

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Should guests post pictures of the wedding on the day itself?

As a guest use your judgement.  Generally speaking you shouldn’t post photos of the couple on social media before the evening guests have arrived – that will spoil the surprise of later guests seeing the dress for the first time.  As bride and groom you should clearly communicate be specific about what you do and don’t want people to do with regard to social media – that will make it easier for everyone and avoid any awkwardness.

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Should the honeymoon destination be a surprise for the bride?

Etiquette says yes but in these days of gender equality the answer is probably no – it should probably be a joint decision.  The element of surprise will be lost but that’s probably better than her being disappointed!

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Don’t be afraid to ask

We’ve covered some of the most common questions about traditional and current wedding etiquette but you probably have a few more.  Just give us a call and the team will be happy to help – we’ve hosted so many big days that we’re not short of experience when it comes to helping with matters of custom,  protocol and convention.

This last May we had the wonderful Birgit and Jonathan have an amazing wedding with us here at Clevedon Hall. Birgit’s dress was stunning, amazing food and the evening was finished with the bang of colourful fireworks. The whole day was captured by the talented Lee Hatherall.

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The first few weeks after your wedding everything is probably a bit of a blur.  You are still recovering from all the excitement of the big day.  You probably went off on honeymoon.  Things will have calmed down after all that frantic planning organising.  And you are still getting used to your new status as man and wife.  At some point you are going to wake up and realise that life has settled down to “normal” again.  It will be a new normal…but normal none the less.  It’s important, however, to realise that this is not the end of something, but actually the true beginning – a really special time where you develop a deeper bond with your partner and establish your life as a married couple.  

Even though every couple is different, there are a few things that all couples can do to really help make the first year together memorably magical.  The wedding whirlwind is finally settling down and you now have the time to stop and smell the roses, get to know each other better and really think about the future.  So in this post we share some ideas about how you can make the most out of your first year of wedded bliss.

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Be aware of how things are going

It’s easy to slide into relationship laziness without ever realizing what is happening.  There’s no harm in feeling comfortable together, but you don’t want that to become complacency and start taking each other for granted.

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Take humour seriously

Laughter is incredibly important in a relationship.  It’s almost certainly one of the main things that attracted you to your partner in the first place – and it will help you feel good about staying together.  When problems arise (and they will, for sure) laughter helps you both cope better – thing never seem so big and difficult if you can have a laugh at them.  On the other hand the good times are even more fun when you are laughing so hard it hurts.  Whether you go to comedy nights, watch your favourite comedy TV shows together, play bad air guitar when you are preparing supper, it’s crucial that you take the time to laugh together—hard and often.

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Make a date

Remember when you first started “going out” together?  You went OUT!  Now you live together this may seem unnecessary.  But it’s now even more important than ever.  It’s just too easy to get stuck in a boring routine – so you need to make a conscious effort to mix things up a bit.  That could mean meeting up for a drink and/or a meal straight from work – instead of going home and just slumping down in front of the TV with a bottle of wine.  Booking the occasional weekend break is also a great idea – there are plenty of city break bargains to be had or you could just throw a tent and your sleeping bags in the car.  Is there a band or festival you fancy, a great film coming out shortly or a new pizza place to try?

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Get your finances on an even keel

It’s quite likely that you went into the red during your wedding planning – it’s normal for people to push the boat out a bit far when organising their big day.  But now you should get things a little more organised.  Most couples don’t actually join their finances until the wedding is out of the way.  If you haven’t already done so it’s time to have an important talk about you are going to manage your money going forward.  This may not sound very romantic, but it doesn’t have to be like that.  It’s an opportunity to have a closer look at your dreams then plan how you are going to make them a reality.

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Don’t let the phone come between you

The average person in the UK spends more than a day a week online according to recent research.  So you may think it’s OK to be watching your phone when you are having dinner together, while you are watching TV or even in the middle of a conversation with your spouse, it’s a habit you want to avoid.  It may seem harmless because so many others do it.  But it can very quickly create distance between you and your partner.  When you are together put your focus on your spouse, not on a screen!

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Get a new hobby with your hubby

One of the best ways to strengthen your relationship, and make sure you are spending time together in a way that’s fun and rewarding, is to do something new.  You feel more like a team. You start chatting again (and the more you talk about little things, the easier it is to talk about big things!). And you laugh. Whenever you laugh together barriers come down, things relax and you feel close.  So if he suggests taking up cycling, coming to football with him or going for golf lessons don’t be too quick to say no.  Maybe you could get him to try a Salsa class, join a book group or get him into baking?

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Make sure you say “thank you” regularly

Put it into words and take the time to tell your partner how amazing they are, how much they mean to you, and how important your relationship is.  But also do it with gifts and hugs.  Everyone expresses gratitude differently - the important thing is that you’re showing it.

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Last word

The team at Clevedon Hall don’t provide relationship counselling – but we can certainly help with every aspect of your wedding planning.  So give us a call if you have any questions about your big day…but we hope this article proves useful in the months and years after you become Mr & Mrs!