Trends, Tips, & Ideas For Your Next Big Event

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About 250,000 couples get married every year in England and Wales – and about 40% of those, 100,000 of them, are doing it for the second or even third time.  This raises a number of questions – if you don’t ask them yourselves you’ll have no shortage of helpful people asking (and answering!) them for you.  Planning a second wedding can feel like tiptoeing through an etiquette minefield and running the gauntlet of friends and family with opinions on what is or isn't appropriate.  In this article we share a few thoughts you will hopefully find helpful.

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You are free to choose

First or second time around there’s no big difference in terms of practical details, logistics and planning – you’ll have to sort the same stuff, from invitations to the dress, the venue to the flowers, the ceremony to the catering.

You can, however, ring the changes a little, a lot or not at all.  You might do things exactly the same as last time.  Having said that, you probably don't want a play-by-play of your first wedding – it may bring back unwelcome memories and is not the best way to mark a new beginning.

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Most couples opt to do things very differently and seize the opportunity to create an event that’s totally fresh and unique.  The fact is that there are few restrictions and faux pas to avoid.  And looking on the positive side you are now a little older, wiser and experienced so you’ll probably feel more confident about going with your own ideas rather than indulging pushy family and friends.

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Announcing Your Engagement

Your children should be the first to know and they need to hear it direct from you.  Discuss with them who is going to tell their other parent/your ex.  They might want to communicate the news themselves or they might prefer you to do it.  

If you don’t have children it is not mandatory to inform your previous spouse.  You might decide, however, that it is better that they hear it from you rather than someone else.  The best way to tell them is probably in the form of a letter or email Afterward, announce your engagement in the regular way.

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Involving Children in a Second Wedding

If you and your new intended have children you probably want to make them a special part of the celebrations.  Of course a lot depends on their ages but they may be a flower girl, ring bearer, junior bridesmaid or groomsman, or even the best man or maid of honour.  They might like to read something during the ceremony or make a special toast during the reception. Whatever is discussed and decided make sure they are comfortable their role.

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Reception inspiration

Should your celebrations, and the venue, be more modest and understated simply because you’ve done it all once before?  No!  This is a fresh start so forget any comparisons with the previous event so don’t let the past limit you in any way.  If you want a super-formal extravaganza in a ballroom, or a casual rustic affair in a woodland, it’s your day and you are free to do it your way.  

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Your first wedding may have been heavily influenced by one or more of your relatives and you may have gone along with their wishes just to make them happy.  This is your chance to have the wedding you really wanted back then!

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Dress decorum

In years gone by a pristine white dress was the preserve of the virginal bride and a no-no for those tying the knot a second time.  That old rule, like so much else, has become entirely passé and you can wear white whether it's your second, third or even fourth marriage!

Most brides getting remarried have already had their "princess in a white dress" moment the first time around, and so opt for a more mature look such as a brocade suit or a simple cocktail dress.  The most important thing is to pick a style that suits your personality, figure, and the nature of the wedding.

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The only hard and fast rule is don't wear the dress you wore the first time around. You might be tempted by the prospect of saving a few pounds and avoiding the stress of dress shopping, but resist!  Your old wedding dress comes with too many memories and you want the focus to be on the new chapter in your life that is now unfolding.   We'd even suggest looking at dresses in a different style, silhouette, or fabric than your first wedding gown to avoid any feelings of fashion déjà vu. Ideas for what to wear to a second wedding might include:

·         A designer, non-wedding dress in any colour

·         A slightly non-traditional wedding dress in blush, pale blue, or one that features a colourful pattern

·         A demure suit in any colour

·         A flirty cocktail dress

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Bank of Mum and Dad

Your parents probably contributed heavily to your first wedding but don't assume they’ll be quite so generous this time around.  If you know they are keen to contribute, or they are particularly well off, then by all means accept any offer of assistance graciously.  In most instances couple getting hitched for a second time cover the costs themselves.  

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Church ceremony?

Don’t count on being able to walk down the aisle a second time.  The more strict your particular religion the less likely they’ll welcome you back for a re-run.  The Roman Catholic Church doesn't recognize divorce, for instance.  If you encounter this kind of problem you’ll have to exchange vows at the reception venue or another nondenominational location.

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Guests bearing gifts

Don’t expect guests to give you wedding gifts, especially if they attended your first wedding.  The giving of gifts was traditionally to help a young couple set up their first home and you and your intended have probably got more kitchen appliances and towel sets than you need already.  

However, despite this, the giving of gifts is becoming more common for second weddings, at least where family and close friends are concerned.  One way to resolve any awkwardness about gift giving is to register with a favourite charity and give guests the option of making a donation.

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Bridesmaids?

You can have bridesmaids if you want, even if they're the same women who were in your original bridal party.  When it comes to their dresses don’t ask them to push the boat out too far.  If you can afford it, you might want to pay for their gowns, or if not, at least give them more freedom to choose styles they can actually wear again.

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Invite the ex?

Even though you may still be on good terms it is unadvisable to have your previous partner to join the party or ceremony.  Other guests may feel uncomfortable, especially your new spouse's family.  What’s more, emotions run high at weddings, everybody has lots to drink, and despite everyone’s best intentions words can be exchanged and misunderstandings arise – best to keep your ex well out of the way!

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Get in touch if you have a question

Even if you’ve tied the knot before there will probably a few things you are not sure about.  The team here are only too happy to help in any way we can so ask away!

We recently hosted the fabulous Liz and Dave for their special wedding here at Clevedon Hall with the whole day being captured by the great Nick Church Photography.

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How confident do you feel about organising your own wedding?  Even if you intend your big day to be a relatively modest affair there’s an awful lot of decisions to take, things to organise and expenses to manage.  And if you have a grander occasion in mind things are going to become considerably more complicated, more demanding and more expensive.  Is it any wonder then that an increasing number of couples are hiring a professional wedding planner to help them manage the process from beginning to end?

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Wedding planners are not just for the few

We all know that no self-respecting celebrity or royal would dream of tying the knot without a wedding planner to do all the organisational heavy lifting, style directing, vendor negotiating, crisis managing and general sorting.  But me - surely a wedding planner is a bit out of my league…to say nothing of beyond my budget?!

That might have been true in the years gone by but times are changing – wedding planners are no longer the exclusive preserve of A-listers or wealthy bridezillas.  Recent research conducted by The Knot magazine indicates that 26% of couples in the US hired a professional wedding planner in 2015, up from just 19% in 2010.

Why is that?  Possibly because weddings are becoming more elaborate affairs and because life is getting more-full on and faster paced – two factors that put more pressure on couples to get extra help from a professional planner.

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Should I hire a wedding planner?

If you love the idea of project managing your own wedding and are confident that you have the time, the organisational ability and the necessary support from family and friends then go for it.  If, however, you really don’t have a clue where to start and are worried that it might all get too much and take the shine off your big day then maybe, just maybe, you should think about getting some extra help from an experienced professional.  Here are some factors you need to weigh up before coming to a final decision.

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Time and availability.  On average it can take about 250 hours to plan your wedding.  If you both work full time and have a lot of commitments already then hiring a planner might be a necessity.  Are you only available to meet vendors at the weekend?  Can you take calls and have discuss details while you are in the office?

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Ready-made support network.  Do you have plenty of outside help - an involved mother-of-the-bride, capable bridesmaids, knowledgeable friends, family members who are creative and have lots of skills that might come in useful?

On a tight schedule or worried you are falling behind.  Have you decided on a short engagement and need to get things done in a bit of a hurry?  Is it all proving a bit more challenging than you thought, your ‘To Do’ list is getting longer by the day and time is getting worryingly tight?

You are having some personality issues with parents and other family members.  Perhaps you need someone independent to step in and just move things forward without it getting too stressful and emotional?

You have a clear picture of what you want.  But do you struggle with decision making, attention to detail, negotiations and budgeting, checklists and deadlines?

You really have no idea what you want.  Do you feel overwhelmed by the sheer number of choices available to you, the whole idea of organising something so big and complicated is stressing you out already and elopement seems an increasingly attractive option?!  

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Will my budget stretch to include a wedding planner?

Every experienced and professional wedding planner will charge slightly differently but on the whole most UK wedding planners will want between 10 – 15% of your total budget spend to fully plan your wedding, with a minimum fee applicable.  Minimum fees generally start at around £3000.  So if your budget is £10,000 the cost will actually be 30%.  Also, the minimum fee could be higher than that.

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Wedding planning options

One important thing to bear in mind is kind of obvious…but worth spelling out.  You need to be absolutely clear what that fee covers.  In general there are three possible options:

·         Full Wedding Planning.  Comprehensive service that probably includes pretty much everything – sourcing and booking venue and all suppliers, attending all meetings with you, sorting all the admin (or ‘wedmin’ as it is known in the industry), and pulling all the details into a schedule with costs and timelines.  Managing everything on the day so you can totally relax and enjoy it to the max. Be sure to ask if there are any items which they don’t include in the service - many planners won’t include the cost of the rings and wedding dress in the budget when calculating your fee.  

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·         Partial Wedding Planning.  Ideal if you start the planning yourself but then realise you need some help.  For instance, you might have booked your venue but then feel overwhelmed at the thought of sourcing all your suppliers.  Or your circumstances might change and you suddenly find you have less spare time.  This option allows you to bring in a planner at any stage to pick up where you left off.  They will assess what is left to do and base their price on the amount of work this will need.  This service is usually comes at a fixed price, rather than a percentage – expect to pay anything upwards of £1500.

·         Wedding Day Management.  As the title suggests, you have sorted everything yourself but just want to free yourself up on the day itself.  This is ideal if have hired a ‘dry hire’ venue where nothing is provided apart from the space – for instance, you set up a marquee in a field or you book a barn and have to bring in all your suppliers, set up a bar and goodness know what else for yourself and co-ordinate it all with no help from venue staff.  It’s worth pointing out that Full and Partial Planning include Wedding Day Managements in their price.

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Book a venue with a team to support you

Hiring a wedding planner is not essential – but bearing in mind all the points above you might find it appropriate.  Another option, and one that is still the most popular by far, is to choose a venue with an experienced team to help you.  

If you book a wedding at Clevedon Hall you probably don’t need the additional expense of a wedding planner.  A lot of resources are included – full catering, drinks, bar, 25 luxurious bedrooms, a cottage for bride and groom and much more.  You also have your own dedicated Wedding Manager, a dedicated Events Manager and a Master of Ceremonies.  Together they will help you with much of the planning and recommend trusted local suppliers who are most appropriate to your needs.  On the day our events team will manage and co-ordinate things and act as master of ceremonies so you can just relax, enjoy the moment and focus on your guests.  

If you want to hire your own wedding planner as well then that’s fine – and we do occasionally host weddings in partnership with planners.  However, the resources, experience and people we provide you with means a planner is not really necessary.

Hopefully this post answers most of your general questions about whether you need a wedding planner or not.  But if you have some more specific queries than just get in touch – we love talking weddings!

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People have been getting married for thousands of years – and over that time different cultures have developed different traditions.   Etiquette is what those traditions dictate – it’s “what’s typically expected”.  

You might be the kind of couple that likes the idea of conforming.  Or you might be sort that feels rules, unwritten or otherwise, are there to be broken.  Either way it’s useful to know, in advance, what the form is.  So in this post we pick some common etiquette questions that regularly pop up so you are aware of the social norms.

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Does the groom have to ask the dad’s permission before popping the question?

Traditionally, yes.  However, this is based on the idea that the woman is the ‘property’ of her family, which is slightly outdated (slightly?!).  None the less this tradition still persists.  You might upset your future father-in-law very early in the relationship if you ignore this one.  On the other hand you may upset your future wife if you ask her dad first.  Welcome to the tricky world of families, relationships and cultural complications.  You are going to have to use your judgement on this one.

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Is there a right and wrong way to announce your engagement?

Traditionally the bride’s father would announce your forthcoming nuptials in a good quality newspaper.  Now the norm is to spread the news yourself on social media.  However, you might upset close family and friends if you don’t tell them personally before you broadcast your happy news to the world at large.  A word of warning to those close friends and family – don’t congratulate the couple on social media until they have posted the news themselves.  

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Who traditionally pays for what when you get married?

Money is always a sensitive topic and different families tend to have different attitudes – so this can be a minefield.  Check our earlier blog post for details on how things are traditionally handled.

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Is a free bar the norm?

Most couples, and their families, have to keep a close eye on the budget – and most guest will understand that.  Typically you’ll be expected to pay for all the drinks up until the evening reception starts.  In other words you’ll provide the post-ceremony drinks reception and the wine throughout dinner but from there on you ask guests to pay their own way.  Having said that you could consider providing a very limited selection of free drinks in the evening – perhaps a couple of kegs of beer and a box of draught cider.

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Can we invite someone to the Hen or Stag do but not the wedding?

Technically yes, but in practice a very bad idea.   Anyone you invite to either of these events will expect to be included in the main event.

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What’s the etiquette with inviting partners?

The usual form is to invite long term partners.  Weddings are expensive so you don’t want to be paying for people neither of you know – you could invite just partners that you have met and are on friendly terms with.   Having said that, be consistent – if that’s your decision for one couple it has to go for all of them.  On a slightly different tack, what about the traditional idea that single guests are given a “plus one” invite?  That idea is probably past its sell by date – most singles will expect to come on their own.

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Are we obliged to invite friends of our parents?

Tricky question and you need to tread carefully.  Depends on whether the parents are going OTT with the invites or just limiting it to a handful of their closest mates.  If it’s going to break the budget then it’s time for a little chat.  However, if mum and dad are footing the bill then you don’t have a leg to stand on!

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Who is the invite from?

Traditionally the bride’s parents are the ones who invite the guests and the invitation is worded accordingly.  Today most couples dispense with this slightly quaint practice and word the invitation from themselves.

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How to handle guests who fail to RSVP?

Although getting someone to formally RSVP in writing, or at least by email, may seem a bit harsh it will avoid embarrassing misunderstandings.  The invite or response may have got lost in the post, they might think they’ve replied when they haven’t, people are really busy and get confused.  Best think to do is politely check with them.  Otherwise you could have some empty places or, even worse, nowhere for them to sit – either way feelings are going to get hurt.

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How should guests dress?

You can stipulate a dress code on the invitation and etiquette suggests guests should respect that.  But what should guests do if appropriate attire is not specified?  Play it safe and dress formally.  Unless the invite says dress is casual then  jeans, even smart ones, are almost certainly not acceptable.  Women should not dress in white, or ivory – that’s for the bride and bride alone.

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Do guests have to bring or buy a gift?

Unless otherwise directed the answer is yes.  Even if the invite says “no gifts” you might like to politely ignore this and give them something inexpensive but thoughtful anyway.  If there’s a gift list try to stick to that but if everything is outside your budget think about a unique gift you think they’d like – it’s the thought that counts.

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Should guests post pictures of the wedding on the day itself?

As a guest use your judgement.  Generally speaking you shouldn’t post photos of the couple on social media before the evening guests have arrived – that will spoil the surprise of later guests seeing the dress for the first time.  As bride and groom you should clearly communicate be specific about what you do and don’t want people to do with regard to social media – that will make it easier for everyone and avoid any awkwardness.

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Should the honeymoon destination be a surprise for the bride?

Etiquette says yes but in these days of gender equality the answer is probably no – it should probably be a joint decision.  The element of surprise will be lost but that’s probably better than her being disappointed!

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Don’t be afraid to ask

We’ve covered some of the most common questions about traditional and current wedding etiquette but you probably have a few more.  Just give us a call and the team will be happy to help – we’ve hosted so many big days that we’re not short of experience when it comes to helping with matters of custom,  protocol and convention.

This last May we had the wonderful Birgit and Jonathan have an amazing wedding with us here at Clevedon Hall. Birgit’s dress was stunning, amazing food and the evening was finished with the bang of colourful fireworks. The whole day was captured by the talented Lee Hatherall.

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The first few weeks after your wedding everything is probably a bit of a blur.  You are still recovering from all the excitement of the big day.  You probably went off on honeymoon.  Things will have calmed down after all that frantic planning organising.  And you are still getting used to your new status as man and wife.  At some point you are going to wake up and realise that life has settled down to “normal” again.  It will be a new normal…but normal none the less.  It’s important, however, to realise that this is not the end of something, but actually the true beginning – a really special time where you develop a deeper bond with your partner and establish your life as a married couple.  

Even though every couple is different, there are a few things that all couples can do to really help make the first year together memorably magical.  The wedding whirlwind is finally settling down and you now have the time to stop and smell the roses, get to know each other better and really think about the future.  So in this post we share some ideas about how you can make the most out of your first year of wedded bliss.

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Be aware of how things are going

It’s easy to slide into relationship laziness without ever realizing what is happening.  There’s no harm in feeling comfortable together, but you don’t want that to become complacency and start taking each other for granted.

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Take humour seriously

Laughter is incredibly important in a relationship.  It’s almost certainly one of the main things that attracted you to your partner in the first place – and it will help you feel good about staying together.  When problems arise (and they will, for sure) laughter helps you both cope better – thing never seem so big and difficult if you can have a laugh at them.  On the other hand the good times are even more fun when you are laughing so hard it hurts.  Whether you go to comedy nights, watch your favourite comedy TV shows together, play bad air guitar when you are preparing supper, it’s crucial that you take the time to laugh together—hard and often.

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Make a date

Remember when you first started “going out” together?  You went OUT!  Now you live together this may seem unnecessary.  But it’s now even more important than ever.  It’s just too easy to get stuck in a boring routine – so you need to make a conscious effort to mix things up a bit.  That could mean meeting up for a drink and/or a meal straight from work – instead of going home and just slumping down in front of the TV with a bottle of wine.  Booking the occasional weekend break is also a great idea – there are plenty of city break bargains to be had or you could just throw a tent and your sleeping bags in the car.  Is there a band or festival you fancy, a great film coming out shortly or a new pizza place to try?

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Get your finances on an even keel

It’s quite likely that you went into the red during your wedding planning – it’s normal for people to push the boat out a bit far when organising their big day.  But now you should get things a little more organised.  Most couples don’t actually join their finances until the wedding is out of the way.  If you haven’t already done so it’s time to have an important talk about you are going to manage your money going forward.  This may not sound very romantic, but it doesn’t have to be like that.  It’s an opportunity to have a closer look at your dreams then plan how you are going to make them a reality.

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Don’t let the phone come between you

The average person in the UK spends more than a day a week online according to recent research.  So you may think it’s OK to be watching your phone when you are having dinner together, while you are watching TV or even in the middle of a conversation with your spouse, it’s a habit you want to avoid.  It may seem harmless because so many others do it.  But it can very quickly create distance between you and your partner.  When you are together put your focus on your spouse, not on a screen!

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Get a new hobby with your hubby

One of the best ways to strengthen your relationship, and make sure you are spending time together in a way that’s fun and rewarding, is to do something new.  You feel more like a team. You start chatting again (and the more you talk about little things, the easier it is to talk about big things!). And you laugh. Whenever you laugh together barriers come down, things relax and you feel close.  So if he suggests taking up cycling, coming to football with him or going for golf lessons don’t be too quick to say no.  Maybe you could get him to try a Salsa class, join a book group or get him into baking?

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Make sure you say “thank you” regularly

Put it into words and take the time to tell your partner how amazing they are, how much they mean to you, and how important your relationship is.  But also do it with gifts and hugs.  Everyone expresses gratitude differently - the important thing is that you’re showing it.

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Last word

The team at Clevedon Hall don’t provide relationship counselling – but we can certainly help with every aspect of your wedding planning.  So give us a call if you have any questions about your big day…but we hope this article proves useful in the months and years after you become Mr & Mrs!

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Do you really need to create a website for your wedding?  No, it’s not essential – for thousands of years people have managed to get married without a website.  However…..we’re now in a world where we seem to be living a lot of our life online.  We shop online, we play games online, we get our music and entertainment online, we socialise online, we work online and a lot of couples would never have got together if they hadn’t been dating online!  So it’s something you seriously need to consider – because a lot of your guests are going to expect it.

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It’s a good idea because:

·         It’s super helpful and useful.  A wedding website provides the perfect hub for information and a great space where everyone involved can “meet” in a single virtual space.  It makes the planning and communication so much easier because you can put all the important details up here so you are not constantly having to respond to questions over the phone or via email, text or other messaging apps.  With everything in one place there’s less chance of miscommunication and you can set up alerts to notify people of changes – saves contacting them all individually.

·         It’s not expensive.  There’s a huge range of website builders to choose from and there are even some platforms that are free.  NB we’ve not listed prices in this post as they may well change – you’ll have to visit each site to get current rates.

·         Most web builders allow you to personalise your site so it reflects the theme and colour scheme of your wedding.  You can add photos and a forum for your guests to chat on.  All in all it enables you to start building the excitement long before the big day.

·         It’s secure.  The web builder should enable you to password protect your site so access is only provided to those you select.

·         You can add all sorts of features that make managing your wedding much easier - set up your virtual wedding gift list, send out invitations and get RSVPs sent directly to the site.  You can also set up your table plan online. This keeps all your essential wedding information in one handy place without the need for a paper-based filing system.

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Do’s and Don’t’s

·         Do stick with your theme.  If your wedding is going to be a country chic style affair with a green and beige colour scheme and a rustic typeface then you want to carry that look through onto your website.  Likewise if you are creating a very formal black tie event your website should reflect that.  You are telling a story and setting a scene, so it all needs to be consistent or the spell will be broken and your guests will be confused – you don’t want them turning up in dinner jackets and cocktail dresses if you are expecting them in tweeds and floaty floral skirts!

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·         Do use a password so you keep the site private and secure.

·         Don’t use online RSVPs.  This feature might seem tempting but online RSVPs aren’t taken as seriously as paper cards, so it’s best to keep it formal. Also, some of your older or less tech-savvy guests may not be able to successfully RSVP online, meaning your count could be off or replies could be late.  Having said that it’s probably fine to use of online RSVPs for more casual gatherings like your morning-after brunch, where you’re looking for an estimated idea of numbers and not a formal RSVP.

·         Do provide detailed travel and destination information.  Whether your celebration is local or you’ve opted a distant destination wedding, there will be guests coming from far and wide so provide everything they need. Include a list of local hotels and B&B’s with their contact details, as well as a map and directions to the venue.  If you’ve made any special arrangements with accommodation providers or taxi be sure to add this information as well.  

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·         Don’t put details of invite-only events on the website.  Everyone on your guest list needs access to the website but there may be some exclusive gatherings, like a rehearsal dinner just for the wedding part or a bridesmaids-only luncheon, that not everyone is invited to attend.  Leave the details of these events off the site so you don’t make others feel left out.

·         Don’t forget to put a wedding timeline on the site.  It’s really helpful for people, especially those who are bringing kids or organising childcare, and for older guests who may only be attending for part of the day.

·         Don’t write a novel.  By all means you can give people a little background to you love story – how you met, how the relationship developed, how you got engaged.  You can also provide introductions to everyone in the wedding party and perhaps a quick overview of each bridesmaid and groomsman.  But keep everything short and sweet.

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Best wedding website builders

There are lots of great providers and templates to choose from.  This list is by no means exhaustive but you should probably check these ones out before making a decision.

·         Squarespace.  We use Squarespace for our website so it’s obviously a bit of a favourite with the team at Clevedon Hall.  It's probably the most professional-looking site you're going to get without hiring a designer and can customize pretty much every single element to create your own distinctive look and feel.  However, there are cheaper options.

·         Wix.  There’s a free version or a very cheap premium option.  The templates are modern, minimalist and chic.  You you can easily customize elements with a click-and-drag editor. But if you don't want a big Wix ad at the top of your site you're going to have to pay extra.

·         Joy.  Free version with a lot of extra features like a photo-streaming timeline and guest messaging. But your layout options are extremely limited - designs are primarily rustic and very floral.

·         The Knot.  This huge US based wedding directory provides a free wedding website builder service with 100+ designs.  It’s free and unlike most free options, you get your very own personalised URL. Your site will be mobile-friendly and you have the option to collect your guest photos from Facebook and Instagram.  

·         Appy Couple.   Extensive selection of beautiful templates and you can use the same style for things you want to print, like invitations, order of service and menus.  Not only stylish it's incredibly easy to use, entirely customisable, and has every kind of built-in feature you can think of.

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·         Riley & Grey.  Great for a couple who wants to invest in design and have a non-traditional website that stands out from the pack.  Not the quickest and easiest to set up.

·         Minted. Let’s you create something with a very unique feel, and enables you to match the look of the website to the invites and décor. But if you want practical features RSVP, a photo album and privacy controls, it's not your best option.

·         Weduary.  Very social media friendly. In addition to the usual features it offers the option to connect your guestlist to each other through Facebook. You can notify your guests via Facebook, they'll receive an email when they are invited to your wedding, you can keep up with RSVPs and it allows your guests to get to know each other before they meet on the day.

·         eWedding.  The themes are a little more traditional than other design-led sites but it does have good features - lots of customisation options, a relationship timeline, and a text RSVP tool.  It’s also less expensive than some of the other premium website builders.

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Got some more queries?

Hopefully that answers some of you wedding website questions but if you’d like any further input and advice just get in touch – the team at Clevedon Hall are here to help in any way we can.

In April, Amy and Karl started their journey into married life and we are so pleased to have been their at the start to celebrate such a special occasion. The day was captured by the brilliant Jodie Hurd. A truly amazing spring day for a fantastic couple finished with the couple’s choreographed first dance!

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First the good news: your mate has done you the honour of asking you to be his best man.  And now the bad news: you are responsible for giving him, and all his chums, the best time of their lives before he finally grows up and settles down.  What’s more you also have to make sure he’s still in one piece in time for the wedding and not in jail/hospital/the doghouse.  No pressure then!  In this post we share some “best practice” advice you should find helpful.

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Outline planning meeting

You need to have an initial discussion with the stag to see what kind of thing he has in mind.  It is advisable to do this over a beer in a pub – it’s a great excuse for a pint with a great mate so grab it with both hands!  First you need to sort out some possible dates (not too near to the wedding so there’s time for his eyebrows to grow back).

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Also, are we talking just one day and night, a weekend, or a long weekend.  What sort of event would he like and what kind of activities – is he thinking a wild weekend in Amsterdam, Prague or Dublin where the main activity will be drinking, or somewhere in the UK with a bit of paintballing, go carting or clay pigeon shooting?  One of the joys of a stag event is the element of surprise – so you’ll probably keep a few of your ideas up your sleeve.  

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You’ll need a list of people he’s planning to invite, with email addresses and phone numbers.

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Who’s up for it?

Fire off an email to everyone on the list to see who is keen to attend and check their availability.  You need to offer a selection of possible dates otherwise you’ll find a lot of people won’t be able to make it.  Word the invite so you get a clear commitment – you don’t want a load of “maybes” as this is going to make any further planning problematic and hold things up.

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Time and money

You need to be realistic about everyone’s availability and how much they are willing to spend.  Four days in Vegas may sound great but it’s not such a smart idea if few people can get the time off and have the cash.  As with the dates it may be best to offer a range of options and then see which one gets the most takers.  On the other hand don’t give too many choices as that could just make it more difficult to get something everyone can agree on.  

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Booking accommodation

Once you’ve decided on dates and a destination you’ll need to find somewhere to stay.  If you’re going abroad then a hotel is probably the easiest option – but if you are doing something like a golf weekend in the Algarve then a villa might work.  In the UK you might consider booking a country house, camping or even a boat on the Thames.  

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One thing to bear in mind is that some people may have to drop out nearer the time.  In this situation it’s easier to reduce the number of hotel rooms than it is to ask the whole group to contribute more towards a 14 bed cottage when only 10 can attend come final payment.

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Fun and games

Stag parties are not just about drinking, drinking and more drinking – they usually include some other form of activity as well.  You need to consider what is likely to appeal to the group.  There’s no sense in going potholing, white water rafting or bungee jumping if that kind of adventure leaves everyone cold.  Similarly, if most of them have been Zorbing on a previous stag do then they may not be keen to do it again.

Dressing up

Dressing the stag in a mankini, a gayest-man-in-the-village outfit or a blow up willy costume can be embarrassing and fun – the more embarrassing the more fun (especially the more everyone has had to drink).  

The rest of the group may want to join in by wearing something almost as silly, like matching T shirts with some non-PC image or message.  It’s all part of the male bonding ritual and you’ll need to discuss ideas with the rest of the group – hopefully over a few pints.

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Dares, forfeits and other silly stuff

No stag party is complete with games, pranks and challenges to keep everyone amused (and suitably inebriated).  For example, the good old Toy Soldier routine: each stag is given a toy soldier at the start of the proceedings.  Then, whenever the best man shouts ‘assume the position’, all stags have to get into the same position as their toy soldier. The last man to get into position will face a forfeit.

There’s no shortage of crazy, daft, embarrassing and hilarious (when you are well on the way to a hangover) options, from Mr President to left hand drinking, Pub Golf to Shark Attack (just do an online search).  You just have to work out which ones you’ll be playing and what forfeits the unfortunate losers must accept.

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Money up front

Stag parties can get expensive and it’s easy to lose the plot (that’s the whole point, surely?).  As best man you’d be ill advised to pay for everything yourself then try to collect the money from everyone else later – that could lead to some awkward conversations and someone being left out of pocket.  Get everyone to pay their share as they go in terms of things like flights and accommodation.  Then have some kind of float that everyone pays into for drinks and expenses on the day/night.  

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Check with the club

If you plan to end up at a particular pub or bar it’s smart to warn them in advance – you don’t want to be turned away at the door.  Sell it to them on the basis that you’ll hugely increase their takings for that night!

Need more help or ideas?

The team at Clevedon Hall have hosted a lot of weddings and we have plenty of Stag Party advice we can share.  Give us a call and we’ll happily answer any questions you may have.

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Your wedding is almost certainly the biggest party you are going to throw in your entire lifetime – and that means organising, and paying for, large quantities of alcohol.  Running out of booze is not going to go down well.  But by the same token you don’t want to go overboard and give yourself a nasty financial hangover.  In this post we share a few tips you might find helpful.

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Who is providing the bar?

If you are booking a venue like Clevedon Hall then things are much simpler – there’s a bar already set up and there’s will be a team who can advise you on how best to play things.  However, if you are holding your celebration in a marquee in the middle of a field, a collection of yurts way off the beaten track or you’re lucky enough to have parents with an enormous garden, then there’s a lot more you need to think about and organise.  Either way you are almost certainly going to have some kind of bar arrangement, probably with a bartender or two to run the show, mix cocktails and generally make things run smoothly.  

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Whose round is it anyway?

Inviting guests to your wedding then asking them to pay for all the drinks is an absolute no-no!   But you have, broadly speaking, three options as far as the bar is concerned.

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Open Bar

This means the drinks are all free, all day and all night.  It’s a simple arrangement, but the most expensive one.  There’s no money changing hands which makes everything much quicker and easier.  Plus, if you holding your wedding in a venue or setting that does not have a drinks licence, you won’t have to apply for a Temporary Events Notice.

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Cash Bar

You provide some of the drinks (champagne for toasts and wine with the meal) but have a bar, with staff, and ask guests to pay for their drinks as the consume them.  This is going to save you a lot of money, but will may lead to a few grumbles.  Some people consider that a cash bar at a wedding is acceptable, but others feel it’s a bit stingy and tacky.  If you do gown this route warn people in advance.  Saving money is not the only positive – guests are less likely to get legless and spoil the proceedings!
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Limited Bar

The bride and groom pay for all of the alcohol but there’s only a limited selection on offer.  For instance, champagne for the toasts, beer and wine throughout and a signature cocktail or two.

Another variation is to have a fully stocked bar but the bride and groom put a sum of money on a tab.   Once that pre-paid amount has been consumed guests are asked to pay – a kind of “happy hour” approach.  

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Corkage

If you book a wedding venue they will almost certainly provide all the drinks.  However, another option is to buy the drinks in bulk and ask the venue to serve it.  Although this looks like a cheaper option they will charge you what’s known as “corkage”.  This is a service charge for opening and serving bottles of wine, sparkling wine, champagne and even spirits that are bought externally by customers with the intention of consuming them on site.  These charges vary from venue to venue so make sure you check this in advance.  You’ll then need to do plenty of research, and get your calculator out, to decide whether there’s enough of a saving to go to all the effort of sourcing your own champagne, wines, beers and spirits.  

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Quantities

If you are having a marquee wedding, or decide to buy your own and pay the corkage corkage, you are going to have to make some decisions regarding quantities.  First of all you need to know the number of guests.  Then you need to guesstimate how many are heavy drinkers, how many are light drinkers and how many are teetotal.  

It also helps to know how many glasses you get from different bottles and kegs:

1 bottle of 75cl wine              = 6 x 125ml glasses or 3 x 250ml

1 bottle of champagne           = 6 x flute glasses

11 gallon keg                           = 88 pints

4.4 gallon polypin                     = 35 pints

1 litre bottle of spirit             = 40 x 25ml measures

1 litre pimms                           = 20 x 50ml measures (mix with 100ml lemonade)

2 litre lemonade                      = 20 x 100ml measures (ideal for pimms)

When making your final calculations it probably helps to divide the day up into sections.  
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Reception

Allow three drinks per guest for a drinks reception lasting 1.5 hours.  Use the table above and do the maths!  
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Meal

For the meal you’ll need Champagne/Prosecco Toasts, 6 flutes to a bottle.  You’ll need wine to drink with the food and usually a 50/50 split between red and white works.  You get approximately 6 small glasses per bottle and work on the average guest consuming half a bottle.  If you are offering bottled water, assume guests will want 1 x 250ml glass each, which means1 bottle will serve about 3 guests.  Best to have a mix between still and sparkling.

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Evening bar

You can safely assume your bar will be open for four hours and that not everyone will be drinking the whole time – some will be dancing, eating or leave early with kids or elderly relatives.  Also, you need to factor in your guests and whether they’ll be predominantly on beer, wine or spirits.  An estimate of 6-8 drinks per guests won’t be far off the mark (some will drink more, some less, but that’s a fair average).   It’s also reasonable to assume men will predominantly drink beer/lager/cider and the women wine (that may sound a bit sexist but it’s also probably quite accurate).  

If you are serving beer and wine only, and you have 100 guests then the following estimate is not unreasonable:

50 x 6 glasses of wine           =          50 bottles, have a mix between red/white/rose

25 x 6 bottles of lager/beer/cider           =          150 bottles of beer

25 x 6 pints of lager/beer/cider               =          2 x 11 gallon (88 pints) of

If you offer a full bar selection it’s more complicated.  This is a guesstimated based on 100 guests.

Vodka                        6 litres

Gin                             5 litres

Whiskey                    2 litres

Scotch                        2 litres

Real ale                      1 keg (88 pints)

Lager                          150 bottles

Cola                            10 x 2 litre bottles

Diet-cola                    10 x 2 litre bottles

Lemonade                  10 x 2 litre bottles

Tonic                            1 case

Apple/Orange Juice 15 cartons of each

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‍We’re here to help

As you can see from this post the whole subject of drinks can get pretty complicated.  It’s definitely one area where it pays to get some sober advice from people who cater from weddings on a regular basis.  We’ve got more than our fair share of experience in this department and are happy to share our knowledge for free - get in touch and save yourself the headache!

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As the days get longer and the sun shines brighter our thoughts turn to summer     weddings.  It’s the most popular season for tying the knot – and for good reason.  There’s nothing more idyllic than celebrating your nuptials on a balmy day with warm weather, a gorgeous sunset and a warm starry night.  

Having said that, there are a few potential downsides. Great weather is not guaranteed.  Being Britain, it could rain, blow a gale or be blisteringly hot (and quite possibly all on the same day!).  And since guests will probably in attendance at several “I do” events this season you have to make sure yours stands out.

So how do you host the ultimate summer bash that gets it exactly right, come what may?  In this post we give you some top tips that will help you make your big day a roaring summer success.

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Venue, Venue, Venue

You need a venue that can handle whatever kind of weather you get on the day.  Somewhere that enables you to make the most of the sunshine and outdoors if it turns out fine.  But with ample indoor spaces if it decides to rain or guests are desperate for some shade – there’s nothing worse than being cooped up in marquee in a monsoon or sweltering under an unrelenting sun that threatens everyone with heatstroke!

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Forgive us for this blatant piece of self-promotion but Clevedon Hall is a great example of what you need to look for in a summer wedding venue.  You can have a comfortable wedding breakfast for up to 150 guests in the library.  The adjoining orangery is ideal for afternoon team and provides a lovely sunny space that’s part indoors part outdoors – the best of both worlds.  

Our outside gazebo is fully licensed and we can be very flexible on whether to hold an indoor or outdoor ceremony up to the morning of the wedding.  The terrace is perfect for socialising with drinks, nibbles al fresco feasting or a barbecue.  There are acres of beautiful lawns for kids (and adults!) to run wild or play games.  The house, the lake and grounds offer a host of stunning settings for photographs and videos.  You can even have fireworks!

If a venue does not tick all these boxes you may look back later and regret it.

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Book early

Summer is the wedding season so venues get booked up way ahead of time – especially those, like Clevedon Hall, that are so appropriate for your big day in the sun.  

People get booked up too.  School and university is out and families have holidays organised, parties to attend and other weddings invites.  So if you want to get married in the summer months you need to plan well in advance and let your guests know the date at the earliest opportunity.  

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Food for thought

Heavy food and heat don't mix so for a summer wedding you’d be well advised to pick a light and refreshing dinner menu.  There's a time and place for a heavy, decadent five-course meal – but this is not it!  Fill people up with rich and hearty dishes and they’ll soon become sluggish, especially if the weather is hot.

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Stick to something like simple grilled fish or chicken, a fresh salad and seasonal vegetables.  Gazpacho shooters and grilled fruit skewers make tempting appetizers, while for dessert you might consider fruit pies or tarts in lieu of (or in addition to) cake. Frozen cocktails such as mint, cucumber or watermelon are a great idea too.

Offer Refreshing Cocktails and Wine - nobody wants to sip a tepid cocktail or heavy red wine during the heat of summer. Chilled white or rosé wine or a bright signature cocktail will keep guests cool and refreshed.    You may even want to set up a ‘pimp your prosecco’ station.  All the rage at the moment they’re a fun and creative way for guests to enjoy one of the nation’s favourite drinks with lots of tempting extras like fresh herbs, berries, cordials, petals and fruit.  

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Wear something cool and breathable  

You want to feel comfortable and confident—not stifling and sticky.  We suggest a wedding dress made of light fabric that breathes, such as silk. You might also go for a shorter skirt if you're feeling modern and adventurous. If you can't resist the heavy traditional ball gown, wear it during the ceremony, then change into a lightweight sheath or cocktail dress for dancing.  Grooms will look dapper in a fair-toned suit (think: light gray or beige), a crisp linen suit or, for the ultimate beach-casual look, khakis and a button-down.

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Choose flowers that hold up in the heat

You'll want to talk to your florist about heat-resistant blooms that won't wilt in high temperatures. Trendy succulents are an ideal, statement-making option that can withstand even the steamiest of wedding days. Also, as a rule of thumb, hydrangeas will wither in heat, while tropical blooms like lilies, orchids, or fluffy flowers like garden roses or sunflowers can handle warmer weather.

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Anything else you want to know about summer weddings?

The team at Clevedon Hall have planned and hosted a huge number of wonderful summer weddings - so if you have a question or need some free advice don’t be shy about asking!

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No matter how carefully you plan and budget for your big day there’s bound to be a few unexpected things you have to shell out for.  In this post we list a few of them so that they don’t come as a total surprise!

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Hair and beauty

You obviously want to look your absolute best and that means getting your hair and makeup perfect.  If you go for a package then trials might be included in the cost – but that may not be the case.  Professional stylists will usually recommend at least one trial to create exactly the right look for your big day and some brides may have more than one trial and try more than one artist.  The cost of these can swiftly add up, so factor the cost in.  A useful tip is to have images ready to show your stylist and a clear idea of what you want before you go in for a trial.

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Last minute treatments

Don’t forget facials, eyebrows and manicures (and maybe for your bridesmaids too).   There’s a long list of beauty treatments and pampering treats that the bride and her bridal party can enjoy a few days before the wedding.  The feel-good factor is terrific but can come with a hefty price tag - so ensure you are in a comfortable position to pay for the privilege before you book your appointments.

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Ceremony fees

Whether you're having a religious, civil or humanist ceremony, there are sure to be fees involved.  These costs won’t be included with your venue fees, even if you're holding the ceremony in the same place as your wedding reception. Your ceremony fees will be paid to the church, registration service or independent celebrant.

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Don’t overlook the underwear

Having the right wedding underwear is more important than you might expect.  It’s essential to get the proper shape and support under your wedding dress to achieve a comfortable fit and a seamless finish.  And let’s face it, if you're splashing out on a beautiful bridal gown, then why not have beautiful bridal underwear to match?  Then you might want to change into a less formal gown for the reception – and underwear that’s more sexy for your wedding night.  The correct underwear need not be expensive, but it is an additional cost that should be factored in to your entire bridal ensemble.

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Accessorize

There’s more to wedding day fashion than your dress - bridal accessories can make all the difference, adding the wow factor in more ways than one.  Consider jewellery, hairpieces and shoes when finalising your bridal look and tot up these costs for inclusion in the final budget. Likewise, for the groom and groomsmen you need to think cufflinks, pocket watches, ties/bow ties, pocket squares, shoes and socks.  All these items soon add up but by the same token its these little details that turn great into amazing.

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Extra mouths to feed

When you draw up your wedding guest list and work out how many you’ll need to cater for it’ss easy to forget about those wedding suppliers.  Photographers, videographers and entertainers are usually on hand all day, or at least for a substantial part of it, and they may need refreshments too.  Be sure to ask them and be prepared to pay the costs of their food and drink.

You may need to provide extra catering for your bridal party.  If everyone has an early breakfast, and the ceremony and celebrations are scheduled for the afternoon, there may be a bunch of very hungry people around lunchtime!  Your venue may supply platters of sandwiches, as well as teas and coffees, as you get ready – but this may not be included in your package costs.

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Corkage

If you want to order the wine yourself you’ll probably find that the venue charges you a fee per bottle (known as “corkage”).  The exact arrangement and costs are usually discussed with your venue in the process of making your booking.  Be sure to find out what the exact charge is before you decide whether to provide the wine yourself or get the venue to supply it.

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Postage

You’ve designed your invitations, sorted the printing, written in the names and addresses beautifully…but what about the stamps?  You budgeted for stationery but you probably forgot to add in the postage.   It won’t break the bank but it will tip you nearer towards the red.

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Gifts for the bridal party

Your bridesmaids and groomsmen have been working hard with all the preparations for months, as well as being wonderful on the day.  Giving them a little something to say “thank you” is a nice gesture.  A little piece of jewellery is sure to be popular with the girls while fancy hip flasks and cufflinks always go down well with the boys.

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Thank you cards

Once all the excitement has died down and you’ve recovered from your honeymoon you’ll want to thank all your guests for joining you on your special day.  If you’ve gone for a bespoke stationery package you can get some 'Thank You' notes printed as part of the deal.  Or you can buy them separately on the high street or online.  Either way you’ll need to take account of the cost and add in the postage too.

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Here to help, any way we can

Hopefully this list will help you avoid the most commonly overlooked costs that tend to nudge the best laid plans over budget.  If you have any other questions about anything else weddings don’t hesitate to ask us – the team here is only too happy to help!

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A Bridezilla is a woman whose behaviour in planning the details of her wedding becomes obsessive or intolerably demanding.  It’s not something you want to be accused of becoming!   But you do want your big day to be your way.  Brides have to tread a fine line between being a monster and a pushover!  There are no easy answers but in this post we explore some of the issues.

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Where did the Bridezilla label come from?

“Bridezilla” made her first appearance in 1995 with an article by Boston Globe writer Diane White.  The term caught on in 2004 thanks to the reality show of the same name.  More show in similar vein have followed and plenty of movies have played on the same theme -  “Bride Wars,” tells the tale of how Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson trashed their lifelong friendship when their weddings are accidentally booked on the same day at the same hotel.

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Real life Bridezilla stories

There’s no shortage of Bridezilla stories that go viral.  Like the bride who asked guests to pay a $1,500 entrance fee and then cancelling both wedding and marriage when they refused.  Or the one who told her naturally ginger haired bridesmaid to dye it a colour that was less “attention-grabbing” and more cohesive with the other bridesmaids (but she did offer to pay for the hairdresser).  

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An especially scary bride sent an email insisting her bridesmaids attend 'weigh-ins', while those skinnier than her had to go on 'protein weight gainer diets'.  She also demanded 'strict bedtimes' to avoid 'saggy baggy eyes', and any hair colouring or cutting plans to being submitted to the bride for pre-approval.  One bridesmaid dared to get her hair cut without asking permission. She was called a 'bad little bee' and banished from the bridal party.

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In fairness to brides

Badly behaved brides are horrifically amusing.  But it’s all too easy to label someone a Bridezilla when they are just trying their best to create that special once-in-a-lifetime day of their dreams.  And if the charge is levelled at you it’s hard to defend yourself.  So, let’s try and get a bit of perspective here – and cut the bride some slack.

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The bride is the default wedding planner – most of the responsibilities fall on her shoulders.  But let’s remind ourselves that she’s not a professional who does this over and again.  This is probably her first time so she’s bound to find it hard.  Plus a wedding planner can stand back and avoid getting emotionally involved.  It’s impossible for the bride to do that – if she’s not emotionally involved, to the max, she shouldn’t be going ahead with it!

Look at the demands being made on her.  She has so much to think about and so many decisions to make – budget, venue, timings, dress, guest list, food and drinks, music and entertainment, bridesmaids dresses, cake, invitations, theme and decorations…it’s never ending!  She has a huge group of very different friends and relatives to organise, each with their own particular tastes, opinions, expectations, ego, likes, dislikes and “issues”.  Keeping that lot happy, and not upsetting anyone along the way…good luck with that one!  Quite apart from looking beautiful on the day and conducting yourself with perfect grace.  Finally, while attempting the impossible, you are expected to make the whole thing look easy and effortless.  No pressure then!

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You can also give us a call.  We’ve helped so many different brides over the last few years that whatever your question, challenge or worry we can probably offer some help.  Just give us a call!

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Sorting the music is probably not at the top of your to do list but it does need some serious thought.  The right band or DJ can really get everyone up and having a great time but the wrong one can have your guests heading for the door.  Getting it right actually takes a bit of hard work on your part and, like so much else, is a bit more complicated than you might first imagine.  In this post we highlight some of the main do’s and don’ts.

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Setting the mood

You need to consider the style of your wedding and the kind of atmosphere you’d like to create.  For instance, if you are having the reception in a rustic barn and the style is Boho and whimsical you’ll want the music to reflect this – something folky, hippish or even a ceilidh band.  Here are some ideas:

Formal: Jazz band, string quartet, classical ensemble, solo or duo guitar, singer or choir, piper

Traditional: Irish band, ceilidh band, bag pipes, classical ensemble, singers or choir

Fun and dancy: Rock & pop covers band, soul & R&B band, rock n' roll or swing jive band, tribute band, 70's disco or funk band, Latin & salsa bands

Light background music: Jazz band, classical ensemble, solo or duo guitar, vocal guitar/piano duo

Something different: Steel band, Irish band, Latin & salsa band, swing jive band, world music ensemble, interesting tribute artist, barber shop quartet

Smooth & sophisticated: Jazz band, swing jive band, latin & salsa band, classical ensemble, piano and violin/sax

Formal: Jazz band, string quartet, classical ensemble, solo or duo guitar, singer or choir, piper

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Consider your guests

When selecting your band or DJ you will also need to give some thought to the tastes of your guests, their age group and whether or not they will want to dance or listen.  Some bands can be quite loud and it is well worth taking the trouble to ask your friends and family what they'd like.

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Check with the venue

If you want a live band make sure your venue permits this – most have no problem, but it’s worth checking.  Also, consider the size of the room and the area the band will be playing in to ensure everything is going to work.  

Also discuss with the venue if there are any restrictions on arrival and set up times for the band.  Also make sure there are no issues with sound levels.  At Clevedon Hall this is not a problem as you have exclusive use of the property – but many venues host several events on the same night so there can be issues with sound levels and timings.

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Think budget

The DJ option will almost certainly be less costly but if you have your heart set on live music then it rather depends on things like the number of musicians, how well established they are, length of performance

Band fees vary considerably depending on the style of music, how many musicians will be playing, how successful they are and how long you want them to play for.  A good string quartet might cost you £500-£700, a decent tribute band could set you back £700-£1800, a jazz band can vary from £550 for a duo or trio to £1500 for 8 or more musicians, while you’d expect to pay £900 - £1700 for a pop rock band.  

Just to put that in context, Elton John has charged £1.5 million to play at a wedding, Mariah Carey will set you back about £2.5 million and the Rolling Stones won’t rock up for less than £5 million.

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Sound check

Make sure you see your band or DJ perform before you make your final decision.  They might give you a CD or video but you need to get a real feel for the way they work the crowd.  Also, make sure the line-up on the CD or video is the one that’s going to turn up for your big day!

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Plan ahead

Don’t leave it until the last minute to book your band or DJ.  Good quality wedding entertainers will be booked up around a year in advance, especially during high wedding season.  As soon as you’ve paid a deposit for the venue start to do some serious research.

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Work out a song schedule

You’ll want to choose specific songs for significant parts of your reception.  Think about the song you want for cutting the cake, the first dance, the father daughter dance, and the mother son dance.  Make sure the band or DJ knows what songs you have chosen and ask them to introduce each event before playing the tune.  

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You’ll also want to think about alter the music to speed up or slow down the tempo of your reception.  For instance, upbeat swing music for your drinks reception, followed by instrumental classical music or jazz for your wedding breakfast, and finally a full-on disco for the dancing – the important thing is to work out a plan in advance with your entertainers.  

Having said that don’t be too prescriptive and give an entire playlist for the whole event that they must stick to.  Give them the freedom to read the crowd and use their creativity to keep the party swinging.  With a DJ it is, however, a good idea to provide a list of songs you’d love to hear, as well as do-not-play list.

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Final note  

If you want any further advice about DJs, bands or anything else “music” the team at Clevedon Hall are happy to help - we’ve seen (and heard!) a lot of weddings and are happy to share our experience.

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In our previous post we offered up some words of advice for the Mother of the Bride on how to play a difficult role to perfection.  In this one we cover the same ground, but from a different angle – the bride’s perspective.  How to keep your mum sweet, without letting her take over completely!

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Set the ground rules early on  

Make it clear how much help you want, and where.  Likewise, tell her where you don’t want input and advice.  It’s probably a good idea to give her responsibility for certain aspects of organising your big day, like the flowers, the cake or the RSVPs.  That way she’ll feel special and involved, but you’ll keep her busy enough so she doesn’t start taking charge of more major issues.  Here’s a list of things that you may want her help with:

·         Announcing the engagement to the press, locally and nationally

·         Working with the bride and groom to draw up the guest list

·         Ordering the stationery and chasing it up

·         Sending out the invites and keeping an eye on acceptances and regrets

·         Supplying the wedding gift details to anyone who asks for them

·         Helping to organise the seating plan

·         Help you to choose your wedding dress and the bridesmaids’ dresses

·         Ordering the wedding cake

·         Arranging table decorations

·         Making sure all of the guests have got somewhere to stay that night

·         Help you to get dressed and ready on the morning of the wedding

·         Give the order of service sheets to the ushers

·         Organising the buttonholes for key members of the wedding party, including the ushers, best man, the bridegroom, and the two dads

·         Look after the gifts during and after the wedding. This includes finding a safe place to store them during the day

·         Collect the photo proofs from the photographer while you are away on your honeymoon!

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Don’t ask her to do too much

Of course your mum is happy to help – but don’t take that help for granted.  Ask her nicely, and don’t give her too much work.  She’s your mum, not your slave!

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Dress shopping – together

Your mum will almost certainly want to be involved when you start buying your dress.  She’ll probably be offended if you don’t at least give her the opportunity to get involved.  You should also go shopping with her to help choose a mother of the bride dress and hat.  It’s your day, but her day too – she’ll want to look and feel her best.  

Don’t assume your mum will only feel comfortable in a classic mother of the bride outfit – a trouser suit or non-traditional dress is a great option, too.

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Play go-between

Get the conversation going between your mum and your fiancé's mother.  Suggest going out for a meal together so they can get to know each other a little better. Also be sure they talk to each other about their wedding outfits so they don't clash or look the same!

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Invite your mum to the hen party?

That rather depends of what kind of party you have planned and whether you think it’s appropriate to have her there.  Maybe just have her there for a few drinks at the start.  Or perhaps you can organise two events – a mum-friendly one and a racier one that she doesn’t attend.  

If you are planning a relatively civilized affair then she’d probably love to come along and meet your friends.  If you are hell-bent on a boozy weekend in Dublin or Prague, with male strippers and raunchy fun and games, then including your mum is probably not the best idea.

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On the day

Enlist her as your extra bridesmaid on the morning of the wedding. Don’t leave her feeling left out as you sip bubbles and get pampered.   You could maybe get the hair stylist and make up artist to fit her in too.  She should be the one who does the back of your dress up and hands you to your father for the trip down the aisle.

Don’t forget to have some photos with just you and your mum. Let your wedding photographer know in advance that this is an important shot to take. It will make for the perfect keepsake or present for your mum once the day is over.

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Don’t forget to thank her

If you plan to make a speech be sure to say a few words about your mum.  Likewise, she might want the opportunity to say a few words herself - in which case invite her to do so (but give her plenty of warning!).

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It’s also a nice touch to give her a present as a token of appreciation for all the hard work and emotional support she provided (not just in planning your wedding but from the day you were born!).  You can give her this on the eve of the wedding, in the speeches or the day afterwards – just make sure you make the effort.

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You can pick our brains any time you’d like

Planning a wedding can be a bit of a minefield for brides and mums.  While we’re not trained relationship counsellors the team at Clevedon Hall do have a lot of useful tips and ideas when it comes to making things run smoothly – all you have to do is ask!